The Reluctant Burglar
by CatLady4
Summary: Elmyra wanted a nice, relaxing vacation. After a pleasant week in the Shire, she was supposed to go home. However, Thorin and Balin were worried that Bilbo Baggins might not make a very good burglar. They decided that Elmyra just might be the extra burglar they needed whether she wanted to be one or not.
1. Plans and Preparations

The Reluctant Burglar

Chicago, 2137

'Where should I go on vacation?' Elmyra asked Anne. 'I really need to get away from here and relax. Work has been terrible lately.' Elmyra was an air traffic controller for ChicagoMetroPlex and the latest crop of drones had seemed to triple the workload. 'Some place calm, peaceful, no stress. You know. Dull. I want dull.'

Anne thought for a minute. 'How about one of those book transition things? You should be able to find something peaceful there.'

'Book transition? Never heard of it'. Elmyra tried to keep up with the latest fads, but things changed so fast any more that she often found herself behind the times.

'They came up with it just a few years ago. Some crazy techie figured out a way to open a portal into a book and digitize the reader into the story. I don't know that much about it, but a few friends have tried it and loved it. You see the shops on the street all the time. How did you miss them? You love Tolkien and "Tolkien Fantasy Adventures, LLC" are all over the place.' Sometimes Elmyra's ability to ignore the world amazed Anne.

'You know me, head in the clouds. I think I have seen some of those shops now that you mention it. I just thought that they were some new gaming venue. I get enough excitement at work; I don't need to pay for it on my down time.' Elmyra loved ATC, but it was time for a rest. 'Can you choose lazy parts of books? Tolkien can be kind of intense sometimes. I don't need to be fighting and slashing goblins. I would hate that.'

'You have to talk to the shop folks but I'm sure you could find something quiet. How about Rivendell or the Shire? Nothing much ever happened in those parts.'

Elmyra pursed her lips in thought. 'Did you know it's the bicentennial of "The Hobbit"? Maybe I _could_ spend some time there. '

Anne was always amazed at the trivia Elmyra retained. 'No I did not know that. Sounds like you would fit right into that world. You certainly know enough about it!'

…

Before work the next day, Elmyra looked up the nearest location of "Tolkien Fantasy Adventures, LLC" on her palm implant guide. There was one just a few blocks over. When she walked in the door, she felt right at home. The wall were displaying scenes of Rivendell. Holographs of characters roamed the store. A large group of excited teens was clustered in one corner around a console apparently finalizing a trip.

Elmyra wandered the room and watched as the screens shifted their focus to the Shire. Hobbiton and Bag End flowed around her. _This _looked like just what she needed, she thought. It was green and sunny. Very few people were around. A few cows grazed in the distance and a path wound down a leafy lane.

'May I help you?' said a voice from behind her.

'I certainly hope so,' she said as she turned.

A man stood before her, smiling. 'I'm sorry for the delay. That was a high school group getting ready for a big graduation trip. They are all very excited. My name is Borys,' he said, extending his hand.

Elmyra shook his hand. 'Elmyra. I have no idea what you people do, but I have heard just enough to be interested. What's this all about?' she said, waving her hands at the walls now showing a vast battle scene. NOT what she wanted for sure.

Borys said, 'I take it you are a complete Newby to Book Transitions? Should I start at the beginning?'

'You don't have to break it down completely. I have a general idea. I choose a book, you wave a magic wand and I get to experience whatever part I want to?' She wasn't in the mood for a big technical discussion.

Borys laughed. 'That's it in a nutshell although I have no magic wand. It's really not much more complicated on the surface. Let me give you the basics. Feel free to stop me if I get lost in the details.' He proceeded to tell her what Anne had said about being able to open a book and send people into it. 'It is a well tested, positive vacation opportunity. You can make it as challenging or as sedate as desired. What were you interested in?'

'I want sedate, calm and peaceful. I absolutely do _not_ want adventure. I need a good week of peace and quiet.' She paused, 'Are there going to be hoards of other outsiders roaming around? I mean, if say those high school kids wanted to do the same part of the book, would we keep tripping over each other?' Elmyra was not a fan of crowds.

'Absolutely not.' Borys assured her. 'Each person or group opens their own storyline. There is never any over lapping. Your story is your story. It sounds like you would enjoy "Hobbit Holiday". He led her over to the console and tapped the screen. 'In "HH", you spend the week in the carefree countryside around Bywater in Hobbiton. You can interact as much or as little with the residents. They are all very friendly, but also respect your privacy. It is very easy to avoid interactions. If you proceed very quietly you are all but invisible. The characters act unaware of your presence. At the end of the week, you watch as Gandalf and the dwarves arrive at Bag End, have the fun dinner that ensues and see how Bilbo is convinced to leave his comfortable hole and hit the road with Thorin and Company.'

As he talked, tantalizing images flashed across the screen much like what she had seen on the walls. 'Everything is provided? Food, housing, etc?' Elmyra got right down to business.

'A package includes everything you might need except for personal necessities. We can include those, but it is an additional fee. When you sign up for your book, we will decide where you stay and what things you might like to do. You aren't obligated to stick to any plan however. If you don't feel like going on a hike one day, but you want to ride a pony the next, there is all sorts of flexibility built in. The Device,' he reached under a counter and pulled out a flimsy sheet, 'allows you to make changes when or if needed. It will tell you if there are any additional charges associated with it and you have every right to decline them.' He stroked the flimsy and it hardened into a touch pad.

Elmyra watched as he scrolled down a long list of activities including things like 'Market Day', 'Lunch in Rivendell', 'Bobbing in Barrels' and 'Mayhem'. 'Wow, some of those sound kind of intense. I'll stick with the easy stuff if you don't mind. How safe is all of this? Has anyone ever been hurt or killed?'

'There have been injuries, of course, but usually it is because someone got careless or disobeyed the rules. The Device has safety settings,' once again he scrolled down to show various levels. 'Not a Scratch', 'Taking some Risks', and 'Watch Out!' were a few that she could catch as they streamed by. 'Once again, it is up to you how you want your journey to run. If you want us to allow the riskier settings in your Device, you have to sign all sorts of waivers and go through extra training. It sounds like I don't even need to mention that to you however.' He smiled at her, thinking her to be one of the 'chicken ladies' that walked in all too often. They never fully appreciated what TFA could offer.

'You are correct about that!' stated Elmyra. 'I like the sound of 'Not a Scratch'. I want to do that "Hobbit Holiday". It sounds perfect. The last thing I want is 'Mayhem', she laughed.

They spent the next half hour setting up her experience and going over the necessary forms and legal items. Borys assured her, 'For you, this is all a formality. I won't even make you imprint the releases for misadventure. Nothing ever happens in Hobbiton. You might break a bone or something, but that is covered under the general release. If you were going any further, there would be more to do. Things heat up pretty quickly after the Company sets out. I do need your thumbprint on this non interference clause. It states you will not make any attempt to change the storyline or its conclusion.'

'Could I actually do that? Mess up the story, I mean?' She was surprised anyone would want to change such a classic tale.

'It would be pretty hard. No one has done it yet, so this is just a precaution and it acts as a discouragement. Yours covers anything that happens during a week in Hobbiton. Just put your print here.' He held out the Device. Elmyra read over the legalese. 'What _does_ happen if something goes wrong? Do I have to wait out the week for rescue?'

Borys turned the Device to her again. 'Good of you to mention that, I almost forgot. See here,' he pointed to the screen where a large red ABORT button had appeared. 'If you are injured or need rescue for any reason, you just press this button. Your trip will terminate immediately and you will return to your starting point in this world. Please do not do this lightly. There are very bad side effects for an awake return. It won't kill you, but you will wish you _were_ dead.' He laughed at the look on her face. 'In all my time with TFA, no one has ever used the ABORT button. They usually get any necessary treatment and wait out until the HOME button activates. He scrolled a little further down. RESCUE now appeared. 'If you are truly in a life threatening situation, you can press this. Be warned however, that if we come to retrieve you, there will be charges to cover costs. They can be_ very_ large. I highly discourage even thinking about it.

Elmyra listened to his words carefully, reread the legal disclaimer and pressed her thumb to the screen.

'Now,' said Borys, 'you are all set for a week in Hobbiton around the last of June. The specific dates are up to you. The night before you want to start your adventure, you press the 'Start' button on the Device and go to sleep as usual. When you wake in the morning, you will be at Miss Primula's Bed and Breakfast ready to start your time in the Shire. We have you down for an extension to the South Farthing by pony cart for the pipe weed tour. After your week is over, the 'Home' button will light. Sometime in the twelve hours after that happens you will need to go to sleep. I cannot emphasize this enough! If you are not asleep, you will still Transition and _it will not be_ _pleasant._ A few young idiots thought they could gain extra time by not sleeping. Instead they ended up with the nastiest migraine and nausea you can imagine. We will give you sleeping pills in case you need help when the time comes. Any more questions?' He smiled helpfully.

Elmyra thought for a minute. 'Just to clarify, my actual body goes back and the time lapse is equal. I'm not tucked up in my bed at home and then back in five minutes, right?' She was still trying to make sure she had all right information.

'Correct,' Borys replied. 'Your body and one small bag are transitioned and the time lapse is equal to the real world. A week in the Shire equals a week in real life.' He hesitated a moment and then said, 'About the bag. Each participant receives a standard issue canvas tote, but I was wondering if you might be interested in an upgrade?' He reached under the counter and pulled out two bags. One was a rather ugly canvas tote often seen in places of exercise, the other a handsome leather backpack. 'It's on sale….'

Elmyra's eyes lit up when she saw the leather one. 'Oh, I like that! How much does it cost?' Borys named a rather large number of bits, sale or no.

'But believe me, it is well worth it. You can use it for your daily hikes, and it will make a very nice souvenir upon your return,' he urged.

Elmyra took the pack in her hand and stroked the soft leather. 'Does it come with anything?'

Borys sensing a customer on the edge said, 'For you Elmyra, it comes with a set of extra sleeping pills, a week's worth of emergency food rations, the entire literary works of Tolkien loaded onto your Device and the Orc Repellent Spray. Obviously the last is of no use for you, but perhaps you could sell or give it to another client. There are also a few little items too numerous to mention that I will allow you to discover on your journey. I think you would find the 'Survival Kit: Upgraded Version' very useful.' He smiled the universal smile of salesmen everywhere to encourage her to bite.

She considered his words. It really wasn't the money. It was her vacation after all and it _was _a useful item…. She bit, 'Sold!' she cried, hugging the bag to her chest.

…

Elmyra wasn't done shopping with the bag purchase. The next day she went to her favorite travel shop and purchased an entire set of EverCleanClothes. She had used them on vacations before and found them worth their weight in gold. They never needed washing. Any stain simply fell off before it could damage the cloth and if something did manage to stick, it could be shaken out. She discovered that the newest version would even change color depending on how the fasteners were closed! It was covered with handy pockets to hold her Device and anything else she could think of tucking away. An outer tunic gave her more of a "hobbit" look than just the form fitting base outfit would, so with that and a new pair of sturdy boots, she was ready for her relaxing "Hobbit Holiday".

…

The big night arrived. Elmyra sent off a quick palm note to her nephew, Algernon, giving him the details of her itinerary and then she got ready for bed. She had packed as many toiletries as her bag would hold, put on her EverCleanClothes, rolled up her Device and tucked it into her safest pocket. Borys had told her to protect it like it was the Arkenstone. When she was tucked in, she took one of the handy sleeping pills, pushed the big green 'Start' button and fell soundly asleep.

**Thoughts and reviews will be much appreciated. I realize the technology end is a bit thin, but given the pace of change these days, anything is possible!**


	2. The End? or The Beginning?

Hobbiton, Bag End, 2941

A week later, Elmyra stood outside Bag End waiting for Gandalf to arrive. She was happy and content. Her "Hobbit Holiday" had been everything that Borys had said it would be and then some. The food had been sublime (It was a good thing the EverCleanClothes expanded to fit she thought sadly. How could digital food make you fat or keep you alive for that matter?) The hobbits were more than friendly and the Shire as beautiful as expected. She was sorry this was the last day, but she knew she would most likely return again for another vacation. She had a new favorite destination!

She settled into the garden, a little ways away from the round green door. Bilbo was out front on his little bench, smoking. He appeared to be completely unaware of the woman not ten feet away. Elmyra had learned that if she made no advances on the locals, they did indeed ignore her.

In due time, the guests arrived. Elmyra noticed that the book was using the classic depictions of the dwarves from movies rather than text. It had been that way all week. Sometimes the movies ruled, sometimes the book. It didn't matter, she knew them all by heart. The dinner was wildly out of control. The dwarves were loud, filthy mouthed, reckless with Bilbo's possessions and consumed all the food down to the last crumb. Everything they were meant to be. Elmyra again hung out around the edges, observing rather than participating. She had always been a skilled wallflower she thought. Part of her regretted not getting more involved, but it was too late to rewrite the week now.

Halfway through dinner she felt a vibration in her pocket. She pulled out the Device, unrolled it and saw that the 'Home' button was green. Oh well, she had known it was coming. She still had plenty of time to hear the dwarves sing after they ate.

All too soon, everyone was settling in for the night and Elmyra went outside to take one last look around Bilbo's garden. Gandalf was smoking on the bench. 'Did you enjoy your evening, miss?' he asked to her surprise. She had been working on being invisible again.

'Why, yes, yes I did very much. I didn't think anyone noticed me.' Elmyra couldn't stop blushing. She must have seemed so rude.

'Well, most of them did not I am sure,' he assured her, 'but Thorin and I are more observant than most. He wondered why you did not introduce yourself. I think you would have enjoyed it a bit more if you had gotten to know the Company better.'

Elmyra sort of wished that now herself. 'I'm never very good in new situations and I didn't want to be a bother.'

'No bother, no bother,' mused Gandalf. 'Here try this pipe weed. It is a most excellent cut of Old Toby.' He passed her his pipe.

'I don't smok..' she started to say and then thought 'seriously you are going to pass on the opportunity to smoke with the great Gandalf himself? Not on your life, chicken girl.' She reached out and took the pipe. 'I have no idea how this works.'

'Just inhale, not too much, not too little and then blow it out gently.' Gandalf had corrupted more than a few innocents in his day. He knew the drill.

Elmyra did as he said and managed not to choke to death on the unfamiliar taste. A little cloud of smoke exited her lips.

Gandalf pulled out another pipe for himself and watched her efforts. 'Not bad. When you have the little clouds down consistently, put your tongue in the center of your mouth and try blowing the smoke out around it. A few minutes and many puffs later, Elmyra blew out a passable smoke ring. 'Excellent! You are a fast learner. We could use someone like you on our journey. Are you coming with us?'

'No, I'm down to my last few hours. I really should go now so that I am asleep in time.' She took a quick peek at the Device. It showed six hours forty minutes remaining on her vacation.

'Too bad. I think it would have been good for you. You limit yourself too much these days.'

Elmyra stared at the wizard. 'You don't even know my name, how can you think that about me? I do plenty of things. Plenty.' Even as she said the words, she knew she lied to herself. Work work work was what she did.

'I know more than you expect, Elmyra Pundur. However did you come by a name like that? It all but screams dwarf!' the wizard chuckled.

Elmyra decided not to ask what_ that_ meant or even comment. She took in another draw of smoke and blew a perfect smoke ring. Gandalf shot a dragon cloud through it before it could escape. 'Too late now. I have to go home.'

'It is never too late,' said Gandalf.

….

Elmyra spent the next three hours companionably with Gandalf and the pipe weed. She would never smoke again, she thought, but it had been one of the highlights of a great vacation. Finding a spot to sleep in Bilbo's hole was a bit of a challenge so she finally settled into the pantry against a huge sack of flour. It must be one of the few edibles left in Bag End she thought. Downing her pill, she made sure she had her bag firmly strapped to her back. It was a little uncomfortable, but she didn't want to lose it. The Device was securely in her pocket. Her eyes slowly closed and she slept.

…..

Pain. Not just pain, agony. The next thing Elmyra knew, her head was exploding in pain. She could tell she was sitting up but she seemed to be rocking at the same time. She tried to raise her hands to her head, but she couldn't move them. She slowly pried her eyes open. Sunlight hit them and the pain increased. She hadn't thought that was possible. She closed them briefly and then opened them again. It was a bit better. She registered the sight of her hands bound in rope. She focused. Bound with rope to a saddle pommel? Rope? Saddle? Her brain fog cleared enough for her to realize THIS IS COMPLETELY WRONG! Where was her nice soft bed or even the flour sack?

Now that her eyes were open, there was only one thing she could do. She vomited on the pony she was riding. A loud voice boomed out beside her, 'Look out boys, she's exploding!' Elmyra dragged her eyes off the pommel long enough to register Dwalin next to her, his hand on her shoulder keeping her upright on the pony. If looks could kill, Dwalin son of Fundin would have died twenty horrible deaths in two seconds. She turned her head to follow her eyes and vomited in his direction. He yanked his hand away, but not before she scored a direct hit. Point goes to Elmyra she thought, a very minor consolation given the pain she was in.

With the hand gone, she began to list to the side. Another hand shot out on her other side to steady her. 'Dwalin, you are ever the gentleman', said a sarcastic voice. 'Untie her hands so that she can sit up correctly.' Elmyra recognized Balin's voice. She didn't turn in his direction, preferring to save any more retching for his horrible brother. A knife appeared and her hands were free just in time for her to fall off the pony in another round of sickness.

The evil voice of Dwalin taunted, 'If you can't hold your liquor, you should not drink so much. What a sorry addition to our group you are and we've only started. Maybe we should have left you in the pantry.'

Elmyra put her hand to her neck and activated a dose of her analgesic supply implanted there. The relief was immediate. The migraine-like pain retreated. Touching the other side of her neck, her stomach also calmed down. Thank goodness she had remembered to refill her pain killer supply before she left. 'I did not drink anything but water. The rules for the Device said not to,' she protested.

'OOO, the rules! Listen to her, following the rules. How did you get to be a burglar if you follow the rules?' Dwalin couldn't seem to leave her alone. Maybe it was revenge for the vomit she thought.

The rest of the company had stopped to watch the little drama play out. 'Give her this and get her back on her pony, we cannot be wasting time.' A water skin appeared from above. Elmyra reached up gratefully and saw Thorin Oakenshield scowling down at her.

She rinsed out her mouth and stood up. 'I have no intention of going anywhere. Why am I here? I'm supposed to be home. I didn't pay for an extension and I won't be responsible for any extra charges!' She turned to look back the way she guessed they had come from and started to retrace her steps.

'Oh no you don't ,' Balin said. 'I have the contract right here, second burglar. You signed it, you'll be coming with us regrets or no.' His voice was very firm and no nonsense.

Elmyra stared at him. 'What are you talking about? What contract? I didn't sign anything.'

In response, Balin dragged out a lengthy piece of paper, just as he had done for Bilbo the night before. 'Right here. Elmyra Pundur. In triplicate.' He waved it under her nose. She grabbed it and stared. It was blank.

'There's absolutely nothing there, you dwarf! It's blank!' She looked again just to be sure. Blank.

Balin gathered the cumbersome document back up and looked for himself. 'I am afraid, Thorin, that our second burglar has vision problems.' He handed it to Thorin who examined it and then peered at Elmyra.

'I see three signatures here, burglar. You are with us for the duration. Dwalin, get her on that pony and let's move out.' He kicked his pony into motion and started the column moving again.

Elmyra was hyperventilating now. I will not panic, I will not panic she kept saying over and over to herself. She tore the Device out of her pocket, stiffened it and stared at the screen. 'Riding the Ponies', in what she used to think of as a cheerful green, now screamed out at her in menacing green. It was followed by 'Troubled by Trolls' and a seemingly endless list of equally dangerous activities. I will not panic, I will not panic. I will not panic, I will not panic. I will not panic, I will not panic . I will not panic, _I will not panic_. She panicked and started screaming.

**Don't you hate it when a nice vacation falls apart at the end? Thoughts please!**


	3. Hitting the Road

SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! The third slap worked. Elmyra stopped screaming, mostly. A few whimpers managed to escape even as she saw Balin raise his hand again. 'No, don't, please.' Tears streamed down her face both from the slaps and from her fear. How had this happened? Nothing that stupid salesman, Borys, had said even hinted at this as a possibility. She could not face it. She looked up to see the company gathered around, witness to her humiliation.

'Why are you doing this to me? You don't even know me. I want to go home.' Elmyra sniveled.

'Stop that ridiculous whining. You are in this for the long haul along with Bilbo. Do you see him weeping and wailing? No, you do not. Now pull yourself together, get on that pony and ride!' Thorin was completely out of patience this morning. First one burglar was late and the other crying. What else could go wrong?

Elmyra stiffened her spine. She hadn't worked over twenty years wrangling planes into line around the ChicagoMetroPlex without being able to recover from a setback. She wiped her hands across her swollen face and tried to stand. Dori helped her up and said, 'Come over here. I'll get you onto your pony.' She accepted his help with a nod and put her foot in the offered hands. He heaved her up onto the pony. Thankfully someone had rinsed the poor beast off during her meltdown. She would work on resolving this when she was alone. The ABORT button was always waiting.

The rest remounted and the little column moved off down the road. Elmyra sat in shame on her pony. What on earth had happened back there? She never panicked, never. She was always so cool under pressure. It must be a combination of the shock and the pain she thought. It wouldn't happen again.

Bilbo rode his pony up alongside hers. 'I hope you feel better,' he said as a greeting. 'If it makes you feel any better, I ran out today without even a handkerchief in my pack.' He smiled tentatively at the crazy lady.

Elmyra laughed a bit hysterically. 'Quite a pair then aren't we? One screaming burglar and one without a handkerchief. I wonder which one worries Thorin more? Oh, wait, I think I win!' she said wryly. 'On another note, why are there two burglars? The book only has one.'

Bilbo looked at her, puzzled. 'Of course there are two burglars. I am not really a burglar, so we have to have another one. What book?' he added.

Obviously they were unaware of the circumstances she thought. She ignored his question. 'They think I am a real burglar? Ha, that's going to be a rather unpleasant surprise. I've never stolen anything in my life.' Bilbo had no reply so they rode on in silence.

At lunch time, Thorin called a halt. As soon as she was off her pony, Elmyra pulled out the Device. It still showed 'Riding the Ponies' followed by 'Troubled by Trolls'. _That_ was not going to happen. The red ABORT button was a few scrolls in. Her finger hovered over it, but she remembered the warnings of pain and nausea. She really didn't want to go through that again today. She put her hand down. Before she could scroll and look for anything else helpful, Ori brought her some bread and cheese to eat.

'I hope you feel a little better, miss. You seemed upset back there.' Ori had been a little unwilling to join the Company at first, so he had sympathy for her.

'Thank you. I think the food will help. This is all a little unexpected, that's all.' Ori was not the best person to rant at she judged. She would save that for a few others on her list. He sat with her until Thorin called for them to start again so she couldn't look at her Device. Ori would probably ignore it, but she needed some time alone to really look at the thing. Stiffly she got up and with Ori's help remounted the pony. It was going to be a long day.

…..

Late in the afternoon, Elmyra had fallen to the rear of the Company. She knew the book by heart and knew that at some point Gandalf was going to break off from the group. She was determined to be with him rather than the dwarves when they tangled with the trolls. A heavy rain had begun to fall and everyone was huddled under their cloaks ignoring each other in their misery. When she saw Gandalf's white horse turn off the road into the wood, she urged her pony to follow behind at a distance. No one noticed their leaving.

….

Gandalf continued to ride until after dark, but his white horse was easy to see. When the rain stopped, Elmyra began to close the distance between her pony and the wizard's horse. 'You may as well come up along side of me now, Elmyra. I know you are there.' The wizard did not turn as he uttered the words.

'How long have you known that I was following?' she asked. She had been surprised he hadn't acknowledged her long before.

'Almost from the start, but since you were not trying to run away, I overlooked it. Why _are_ you following me?' This newest addition held secrets Gandalf had not yet uncovered. She intrigued him.

'It's safer out here with you for the moment. I really don't need to get shoved into a sack tonight.' Let the wizard figure _that _one out, she thought. I don't have to tell him anything.

Gandalf continued to gaze at her. 'A sack? Why would you get in a sack?' He frowned. 'Never mind that for now. I am trying to get a feel for the road ahead. We will return to the Company later. Did you really not intend to join us? I thought you had changed your mind after our discussion at Bilbo's.' Gandalf knew very well she hadn't but it was too early to let that cat out of the bag.

Elmyra laughed a mirthless laugh. 'Join the Company for the whole book? Why would I want to do that? Way out of my comfort zone. Up through Rivendell isn't so bad, but it really goes downhill after that. This vacation was all about relaxing and resting. I see little chance of that now.' Her heart raced just thinking of the trials ahead if she was forced to continue. Fat chance. Her finger was itching to hit that ABORT button.

'You speak the most interesting words. What are a "vacation" and a "comfort zone"? And why do you keep talking about a book? I heard you mention that several times today.' Gandalf was a man of words, but all these things tested even his deep knowledge.

'A vacation is something that gives you pleasure away from your regular life. Up until today, I was having a great one. A comfort zone is harder to explain. I guess you could say it is where your skills and abilities lie. I mean,_ you_ are good at fireworks and spells.' He nodded. 'If I asked you to cook a twelve course dinner for Elrond, would you be comfortable doing it?'

The wizard replied, 'I think I could do it.'

'You probably could, but would you be _comfortable_ and would it suit your skill level? If not, then you are out of your comfort zone. I have no skills for what lies ahead. At least,' she thought a bit, 'I don't think so. And if you don't know about the book, well, I'm not going to say anything more about it.' For now, she thought to herself.

'Now answer me this,' she turned to the wizard. 'Why are you throwing Thorin to Smaug? How can he possibly succeed? And if he dies, would you feel at all guilty?'

Gandalf seemed to flinch a tiny bit at her words. 'What do you know of my plans?'

'Probably more than you know yourself, and I don't approve. You always involve these "little people" in your grand plans without an escape clause for them. It isn't fair! I never thought it was when I was just observing and I certainly don't appreciate getting caught in your web now.' She all but spit the last words out.

As Gandalf turned to answer her, his attention was caught by something behind them. 'What is that light?'

Elmyra was brought back to the present dilemma of the dwarves by his words. 'Oh, that is just a fire for three trolls arguing about how best to roast the dwarves. We might want to turn back and save them. Or else your plan is _really _going to be short of personnel!'

Gandalf gave her another of his puzzled looks and turned his horse around. 'Trolls? You're sure it is trolls? They are not usually in these parts.'

'Positive. Three of them. Bilbo's doing his best, but it might not be good enough. We should probably hurry a bit.'

Gandalf and Elmyra urged their mounts to greater speed. As it was, they arrived a little too soon, so Gandalf had to tease the trolls into arguing even harder over their dinner. When the sun broke over the horizon, he uttered his famous, _'Dawn_ _take you all and_ _be stone to you!_' line and Elmyra felt a thrill of pleasure run up and down her spine. At least the whole day hadn't been a complete waste!

They spent the next half hour letting dwarves out of sacks and helping Bilbo out of his tree. They all wanted to know where the pair had run off to. '_To look ahead_,' was all the answer they got. After that, they investigated the troll hoard and found the three famous swords: Glamdring, Orcrist and what would become Sting.

Balin approached Elmyra with a sword of medium length. 'I wanted to give you this and say I was sorry for slapping you earlier. It is a "Lightweight Elven Blade", about three pounds. It should be easy to use and will serve you well.' He held out a beautiful silver colored sword in a scabbard to her.

'You don't need to apologize. It needed to be done. I fear I lost control. I doubt I will have any use for a sword, but it _is_ rather pretty.' She held it up briefly. 'It does seem to be very light. How do I carry it on this trip? I can't slip it in my bag.' She laughed.

Balin showed her how she could strap it to her back as Thorin was doing with his sword. 'When you need it, you reach over your head and pull it out like this. He demonstrated over his own head.' She tried it.

'Uh, I think I need arms a bit longer to manage that move, Balin.' The sword refused to clear the last few inches of the scabbard.

'Well, worst case scenario, you have someone pull it for you and then you carry it until you can put it back. That shouldn't be too hard, it's so lightweight.' Balin helped her put it back.

'Thank you for the advice. It will be something to tell the folks at home about.' If I ever get there, she added to herself.

While the dwarves set out food and hid some of the troll treasure, she finally had time to look more closely at the Device. Up next was something called 'Running, Running, Running'. Oh no, she thought. That must be out of the movie where everyone ran from the gang of orcs. Endlessly. She wasn't very good at running. Too much couch time. Once again she forced her finger away from the ABORT button. 'RRR' wouldn't be that bad, would it? No one died and in Rivendell she could load up on sleeping pills and let them start to work as she pushed the button. One more chapter and then ABORT!

**Borys, that sword is for you! Reviews please!**


	4. Running Running Running

….

Balin and Dwalin started to show Elmyra a few basic moves with her sword. 'Just enough to get you through some imminent crisis,' Balin said. Elmyra knew such a crisis was just around the corner, so she paid careful attention.

'What I really want to know is the best way to stab and slice,' she said. 'Is it easier to do standing still or running?' She always lived her life by trying to be two steps ahead of the game.

'You would really want to be standing still. Running would throw your balance off. I recommend against sword play on the run unless you are an expert,' Dwalin instructed. He thought again what an odd person this woman was. No one had ever asked that question in all his years of warrior training.

When it came time to put the sword back in its scabbard, Elmyra declined. 'But we are getting ready to march again. With the ponies gone, you will have to hold on to it as you walk.' Balin didn't understand her thinking.

'Uh, I want to get really used to the feel of it in my hand,' she lied. What she meant was she really wanted the stupid thing in her hand when the orc riders chased them. She probably wouldn't use it, but it would be of no use strapped to her back. She could just see it: Scene: middle aged woman standing in a field begging dwarves running by her to pull the sword out of the scabbard and hand it to her. In her hand it was, in her hand it would stay.

'Alright, but it might get kind of heavy after awhile.' Balin could see some of her point but not much. 'Let me know when you want to put it back and I will assist.'

Even as the words left his mouth, they heard yells and howls in the distance. Gandalf and Thorin started to move towards the sounds while Dwalin rounded up the rest of the company. 'Move, move, move! Get your gear and prepare to move!'

Thorin came back. 'It's an orc pack. They are less than half a league away. I'm not sure they know we are here, so move quietly down the hill and into the trees.'

Unfortunately, the orcs _did_ know they were there (of course they did, it was in the script!) and even before they reached the tree line the lead scouts were after them. Elmyra was in the middle of the scrum of dwarves as everyone tried to follow Thorin and Gandalf. She held the sword as she had been taught, already regretting her decision to carry it. It made running awkward if nothing else.

The group broke out into the open plain, dotted with large hillocks of stone. In the distance the main body of orcs was racing towards them on Warg mounts. The scouts made contact with Balin, Dwalin, Bifur and Nori. Elmyra's survival instincts kicked in and made her start looking for a deep dark hole to crawl into. No luck. They were out in the open with little to no cover. She found herself next to Bilbo who was also brandishing his sword and trying to be inconspicuous. 'Nice day for a skirmish, aye Bilbo!' she cracked.

He stared at her with slightly wild eyes. 'Why did I ever think this was a good idea,' he moaned.

'I never did.'

Thorin ran past the pair. 'This way! Run Run Run!'

They ran. They ran up hill and down dale. Around a hill one way then back the other. From one rock pile to the next, and on and on. It was all Elmyra could do to carry the sword let alone brandish it in the appropriate fashion. She thought about throwing it away, but it _was_ awfully pretty. Besides, it was her fault she had let herself become all flabby and lazy. This would improve her muscle tone.

Gradually, she lost ground and fell behind everyone including Bilbo and Bombur, who for a fat guy could really run she noted. Dori noticed her struggles and dropped back. Did he offer words of encouragement? In a way, yes he did. 'If they catch you, they will start by skinning you alive. Then they will torment you with any means they can think of and finally they will eat you piece by piece, ensuring that you survive as long as possible! NOW RUN!'

She ran. She ran harder. She ran even harder but it still wasn't enough. Thorin joined Dori and between the two of them, they gave her a beginner's primer of Khuzdul swear words. At last, Gandalf waved them to a hole in a rock pile and Elmyra gladly threw herself down a steep slope of gravel. Never had road rash held such pleasure she thought as she hit bottom.

All she could do was sit and gasp. Bofur raced over and yanked her out of the way of the next body crashing down the hill. 'Get out of the way! You'll hurt someone!' he yelled.

She just let him drag her. She didn't have an ounce of strength left. The "Lightweight Elven Blade" finally fell from her hand. The only reason she hadn't dropped it before was because by the time she was ready to let it go, her hand was too cramped to open. Lightweight my ass, she thought. Easy to use, she thought. Balin really needs to review his assessments of weaponry.

The rest of the company slid into the cavern followed by an orc carcass. Thorin was irate to find it pierced by an elvish arrow and began to accuse Gandalf of leading them here just to meet elves. Elmyra tuned it all out. She knew how it would end anyway. Suddenly she realized that she was going to Rivendell! Even though she couldn't move a muscle, her heart was elated at the thought.

….

Thorin told the the group to be ready to move soon. Elmyra used some more of her valuable pain killers to get to her feet. Otherwise she knew it was impossible. Even so soon after the run, her body had tensed into board-like stiffness. Thorin, who had no knowledge of her drug stash, was amazed that she got up to walk with the others. 'Are you really ready? You seemed to be struggling a little at the end.' This from the dwarf who had made her ears burn even without her knowing the language.

'I'll make it. It will take more than a jog in the park like that to keep me down,' she lied. OW OW OW OW. Even with the pain killers, she had to grit her teeth to not show her pain. She wasn't about to suffer public humiliation again so soon after the pony incident.

'Very well. Gandalf says it's only a few more leagues. Two at most.' Elmyra wanted to cry. She thought a league was about three miles. She hoped he was wrong.

The Company sat for a few more minutes recovering from their morning exertions. Thorin went behind a rock wall to relieve himself. It was only after he finished that he realized he wasn't alone. Turning, he found Elmyra standing behind him red faced and blushing. 'Excuse me,' she stuttered. 'I was already back there.' She motioned behind to a dark corner.

Thorin looked at his new burglar. This was the first chance he had to really examine her. She was taller than he by a few inches like most humans. He noticed that her hair was a honey brown and hung down below her ears. It would not be nearly long enough if she were a dwarf. Her clothing was a bit odd, too. Today it was tan and gold. Hadn't it been green yesterday? She didn't seem to have a big enough bag to carry a change of clothes.

Elmyra spoke. 'I want to go home. I'm not supposed to be here.'

Her words provoked a feeling of guilt. Dwalin had found her the other morning and dragged her out right before they departed Bag End. It had been Gandalf's idea to bring her along. 'I think you might find her useful, Thorin. Remember how hard it was for you to keep track of her? What a burglar she will make! I even sensed the other night that she had some regrets about not joining our merry band.'

When Balin cooked up the scheme about the contract, Thorin had unwillingly agreed. 'I don't like lying, Balin. It doesn't seem right.'

'She is a human, Thorin. You owe her no loyalty. Besides, we will give her a full share if we succeed,' Balin had replied.

Now he was faced with the consequences of those decisions. 'It is too late and we have a bargain.' He didn't say contract. There wasn't one, and it eased his conscience to use other words. He noticed her scent in the tight space they occupied. She was quite pretty for a human he thought although his experience in that area had been brief and decades ago.

He reached out and took her hand to draw her away back to the Company. 'We must be going. Come.' When his hand touched hers, he felt a frisson of pleasure run up his arm. He stared at her startled face and realized she had felt something too. He quickly released her and stepped back. 'Come,' he said again and turned and walked away hoping she would follow without being forced.

Elmyra stood and watched him, stunned. When he had touched her just now, it had been like a little electrical shock. What did that mean? He wasn't really her type. She had never been into men with long hair and beards. However, she had to admit guiltily, when she had come up behind him it had been a pleasure to observe the breadth and obvious strength of his shoulders, and when he had turned around she had found herself staring down into his intensely blue eyes. He was shorter than she which was rather odd. There were not many short men in her world these days due to gene manipulation, and she had never met one. Slowly she followed him back to the rest of the dwarves and Gandalf.


	5. Night With an Elf

Rivendell was only one more league, but she was hobbling badly at the end. Oin walked next to her fussing all the way for the last mile. 'You should probably rest.' And 'Sit down for a minute. Let me look at your feet, you must have blisters.' Her blisters had blisters she was sure, but she refused to give in. The faster she got to Rivendell the sooner she could ABORT!

Finally they arrived. She collapsed on a bench and watched as Elrond and the orc hunters rode up on the dwarves, setting off the first of several angry encounters. She didn't care anymore. She would be home soon. Very soon.

After her feet were treated and she was alone in a room, Elmyra pulled out the Device. She was going to push that ABORT button immediately, she crowed! Then she saw the next events. 'Elrond Examines the Swords', and 'Elrond Reads the Map'. Did she really want to miss them? No danger involved, and it would allow her feet to heal before she had to go back to work. A few more hours wouldn't matter.

Later, she was quite glad she stayed. Immediately after dinner, Elrond looked at the newfound swords. Of course, Elmyra already knew about Orcrist and Glamdring, but Elrond even examined her sword. She had to bite her lips to keep from laughing when he solemnly pronounced, 'And this is "Lightweight Elven Blade, Product of China". Decent enough quality although I have never heard of the maker.' He did it with a completely straight face and no hint of irony so she assumed he had no idea what he was saying.

'Thank you, my lord, I shall treasure it always,' she said smiling.

Next up was the reading of the map by moonlight. Here again Elrond was noble and calm as he told Thorin the information hidden on the map. He was against the whole enterprise, but it was still a cool event. She went to bed a happy camper for the first time in days. The ABORT button could wait a while longer.

In the morning she checked the Device again. There was nothing for the day, but something called 'Night With an Elf' was up for that evening. Again it sounded painless. What could possibly go wrong? Another ABORT delay.

…..

It was party night in Rivendell. Elmyra had changed the colors of her clothes to leaf green and silver. She might not be as graceful and beautiful as the elves (male _and_ female) but she wasn't a fashion disaster either. The dinner table was set with more silver and gold plate then she had dreamed possible. An elf at the door led her to her seat midway down the table.

A male elf stood at her approach and bowed. 'My name is Ameril,' he said, 'I am your companion for the night.

Elmyra smiled slightly. 'Oh really? I wasn't aware I was an assignment.' Her Device had called this evening 'Night with an Elf' but she had assumed that referred to the dinner. She began to wonder what some people did on_ their_ Hobbit adventures!

'Well, it is more of a courtesy. We like to make sure all the guests have an attendant at these affairs. It makes things more,' he paused slightly, 'pleasurable.'

Elmyra didn't say it, but she noticed that none of the dwarves gathering had an "attendant". What was so special about her? Did the program still have her as a TFA customer?

Across the table, Gandalf and Thorin were seated side by side. Thorin glared at Ameril when he stood and greeted Elmyra. 'Must there be so many elves hovering around, Gandalf? They make me nervous,' he huffed. He noticed that her clothes were different yet again.

Nervous or jealous wondered Gandalf as he followed Thorin's glare. 'What else would you expect to find in Rivendell my good dwarf? Orcs? Elrond tries his best to make his guests happy. You will notice no elves on this side of the table which would make you _un_happy.'

Thorin grunted rudely and continued to glower at the other side of the table. If Ameril felt his skin being flayed off visually, he gave no sign of it.

Elmyra decided right away that she didn't really care for the elf. There was something a little snotty in his attitude towards her, but since there was only another unknown elf to her right, she was left with no real options for talk. She took a tiny sip from her wine glass. Never a big drinker, she found it too tart for her taste and put it back down.

Ameril watched her closely. He hated this duty. Every few weeks the lesser elves drew straws to see who got stuck with "dinner duty" with the female guests of Elrond. For some reason, half the time they seemed to expect the elf to fall head over heels in love and then have a night of passionate sex. (This was a highly popular if little advertised segment from TFA) Ameril had found a way around that aspect of the evening. Before the guest arrived, he always spiked her wine glass. Nine out of ten times, it made the lady sleepy and easy to dump right after dinner. Tonight his luck ran out. He could tell right away that this was the one out of ten. That meant she would be very drunk, very amorous and very flirty. Damn, he thought, just my luck.

Elmyra could not understand it. That tiny bit of wine seemed to have gone straight to her head. She couldn't stop giggling. Anything Ameril said made her pat his arm, toss her head and laugh. A part of her brain said she was being an idiot and the other part said, 'live a little, have some fun!'

Gandalf watched the scene across the table play out. He knew that Elmyra had not had much to drink, so he suspected the elf of misdeed right away. What really worried him was the volcano starting to rumble at his side. 'Thorin, you need to calm down. Nothing is going on she is simply enjoying herself a little.' A little was an understatement. Elmyra was now draping herself over Ameril at every opportunity.

'If that is nothing, I would hate to see your definition of something. She is a member of my Company,' snarled Thorin. He told himself he would hate to see any woman he knew behave with an elf this way, but deep inside he knew it was because it was Elmyra. Something about her had awakened his protective side. He remembered her touch and scent from earlier in the day.

The dinner drew to a close. Many of the company moved to the Hall of Fire to listen to various performers. Most of the dwarves headed back to their rooms to hide from the noise. Thorin and Gandalf walked out, Thorin looking over his shoulder at the happy couple as long as he could. 'If you keep twisting your neck like that, Thorin, you will give yourself a sprain. Let her be,' Gandalf noted.

Elmyra sat at the table trying to regain her senses. Occasionally the room seemed to spin a bit and then her head would clear for a few seconds. Then she would think her companion the cutest thing in the world. Then she really wanted to sleep. Round and round they traded places.

'I tink I shoul' go to ma room,' she managed to slur. 'I needa nap.'

'Great,' thought Ameril. I can dump her and get back to my life. He stood. 'Here let me help you.' He took her arm and dragged her out of her chair none too gently.

'Ow, tha hurt. Why ya bein' mean? I thawt we were friends.' The flirty phase rolled around and she leaned into his chest and starred up into his face.

In answer, he picked her up in his arms and headed towards her room. The sooner he got rid of her, the better.

Outside the banquet hall they ran into Dwalin and Nori lounging along one wall. Dwalin stared at the pair. 'Where do you think you are going?' he demanded. He knew Thorin would be appalled at this sight.

Before the elf could answer, Elmyra spoke up. 'He's takin' me to bed, right Amberdil, Averil uh what's your name again?'

'Do you think that is a good idea, Elmyra? You do not seem to be yourself.' Dwalin and Elmyra were not the best of friends, but he didn't want her doing anything she might regret later.

In reply, Elmyra stuck out her tongue at the dwarves and prodded Ameril in the chest. 'Move alon' little elf, move on. We have business to attend to.'

The elf pushed past the dwarves who reluctantly let them go. Nori said, 'Thorin's not going to like this Dwalin. You know how he hates elves.'

'Not much we can do about it without a fight now is there? And she seems willing enough.' Dwalin was at a loss. This was the second time the woman had gotten drunk in just a week. Had she no control?

'Willing or just drunk? Should we try to find Thorin?' Nori hated to see anyone taken advantage of this way.

'The way they are headed, I suspect they will find him before we can,' Dwalin stated.

Dwalin's theory was on correct. As Ameril carried Elmyra down the hall, it broadened out into one of the many balconies of Rivendell. Gandalf and Thorin were standing at the railing talking. They turned as they heard the slurred voice of Elmyra chirping at Ameril. The elf stopped as he came face to face with an angry dwarf.

'Put her down! What do you think you are doing?' he demanded.

'I am taking her to her room as she requested,' came a very snotty reply. 'What is it to you, dwarf? Do you have a claim on her?'

Before Thorin could answer, Elmyra entered one of her lucid moments. Her vision cleared enough for her to judge the situation. Having been trained all her life to make quick decisions, she reached one now. 'Put me down.' When she sensed Ameril was going to refuse, she added, 'NOW!'

Her tone irritated the haughty elf. He started to drop her. She in turn read his intentions. In her snarliest, meanest voice (quite different from anything he had heard all night), she barked, 'If you drop me, I will rip your guts out!'

It took some effort to stop doing just that, but Ameril managed to place her on her feet rather than on her behind as he had originally intended. She stood and tried to right herself. It almost worked, but at the last minute her balance went again and she toppled forward into Thorin's arms.

'Thans' lil' dwarf. 'Preciate it. Don' know how this happened. Jus one lil' sip. Didn' like it at all. Yer awful cute, did ya know that?' The flirty side poked its head out again.

'I suspect your elf knows how this happened, do you not?' Gandalf faced the elf with scorn on his face. 'I watched her. She really did only take one sip. What did you give her?'

Ameril stood mute. 'I do not answer to you, wizard. I am going.' And go he did, quickly, not daring to look back.

Gandalf turned to find Elmyra and Thorin sitting on a bench. She was curled up against his side, humming. 'Nice lil' dwarf. Such pretty eyes. Why was Tolkien so mean to you? I never could figure that out. Stupid book. Dead relatives all over the place, lose yer mountin, yer gol' an' yer home. No wonder yer so crabby.' She rubbed her face on his shoulder. 'Mmmm, velvet soft.' Thorin seemed to be frozen in place, unsure what to do with this changeable creature.

'What's she talking about, Gandalf? What book? I've never told her about my family. I've barely talked to her. Have the others?' Thorin asked the wizard.

'I am not quite sure myself. When we were walking the other night, she made similar references. There is more to this burglar than meets the eye, but at this point I have no idea what it is.'

Elmyra woke from a little nap. 'Wan' to go home. Supposed to go days ago. Stupid Borys, stupid TFA, stupid Device. Wan' go home. Will you send me home, lil' dwarf?' To Thorin's dismay, she picked her head off his shoulder and kissed his cheek. 'I like you, do you know that? Always have. Poor ol' Thorin. Such bad luck. Always like the underdog.' She moved from his cheek to his lips. This kiss was deep and intense. He had never felt anything like it before. Her moods were cycling even faster now. Sense, flirt, sleep. Her head dropped again to his shoulder.

'Pick her up, Thorin, quick while she's asleep. Take her back to her room, it is next to mine. I will find Elrond and bring him to look at her. That elf spiked her drink earlier, I am certain.' Gandalf left and Thorin sat staring after him.

Elmyra woke again and started to stroke Thorin's hands and then his face. 'I always liked you bes' you know. Not that cute in the book, but in the movie? Loo' at you.' She ran her hands through his hair and pulled gently. She stood up and moved to sit on his lap. She started to kiss him again, slowly at the corners of his mouth, then his lips. He felt her push her tongue into his mouth and his nerve endings exploded with pleasure. He began to kiss her back and she moaned.

Suddenly he realized what he was doing and grabbing her tightly, he stood up. 'Where we goin', lil dwarf? I wan' to stay here. Pretty moon.' She started in with her kisses again. Thorin walked as quickly as he could to her room. This was starting to get out of hand!

Thorin placed her on the bed when he finally found her room. She was restless now but had stopped talking. Part of him wanted to hear more about this mysterious Tolkien, part of him wanted her to go to sleep and leave him alone. Most of him wanted more kisses. He started to pull the bed cover over her when he realized she still had her boots on. He hated boots on furniture.

He leaned down to take them off, but they didn't have any laces. He picked up one foot to look more closely at it and as he wrapped his hand around her ankle, the thermal fasteners popped open. He stared in surprise at the now open boot top. He slid the boot off and then couldn't help himself. He rubbed her foot. She sighed in pleasure at his touch. 'Tha's nice, lil dwarf. Ver' nice.' He took off the other boot and did the same thing. He was behaving against all his training, but he didn't seem to be able to stop himself. Elmyra continued to sigh in pleasure.

Then the sensible part of Elmyra kicked in. She opened her eyes and saw Thorin at her bedside. 'What happened? How did I get here?' She noticed that she had her foot in Thorin's hand. She yanked back on the foot in embarrassment. Thorin reluctantly let it go. He had enjoyed the contact more than he should have allowed himself to. He would have to meditate long and hard tonight. 'What have I done?' she asked.

'That elf gave you something. Gandalf has gone for Elrond. Don't worry it's not your fault. I was just taking your boots off,' he tried to soothe her.

The flirt reappeared. 'I don' care what anybody says, I think yer very nice.'

Elmyra lifted her foot and put it against his thigh and began to rub. It slowly moved closer to his crotch and he grabbed it and put it back on the bed. 'Behave yourself, naughty thing.'

She giggled, sat up and moved to the end of the bed. Before he could pull back, she had his hand again. 'Such strong hands. I bet you coul' strangle that stupid Amernal, Avernil, Aminal, that what's his name elf.'

Thorin had to smile at her mangling of the elf's name. 'Would you like me to? I could you know. Very easily as long as his wasn't paying too much attention when I first grabbed him.'

'I would rather you leave his punishment to me,' said Elrond from the doorway. 'And believe me, he will face consequences.' He walked into the room with a vial in his hand. 'She needs to drink this. It will remove the toxin from her system.' Elrond approached Elmyra with the liquid.

'Don' want it,' she said peevishly. 'Mean ol' elves. More poison for poor Elmyra.' She clamped her lips tight and turned her head away.

'It will make you feel better, Elmyra. Will you drink it for me?' Thorin coaxed.

She looked at him adoringly, 'I'll do anything fer my lil' dwarf,' she purred.

Thorin took the vial from Elrond and held it to her lips. 'Open wide, little cat, and drink this down.'

Elmyra hesitated. 'Yer sure? Why you call me little cat? Yer sure?' she asked again, wrinkling her nose.

'Yes I am sure. And in Khuzdul your second name means cat. Now drink.' He pushed the vial at her again. This time, she opened her mouth and let him pour it in. She swallowed and made a face.

Thorin turned to Elrond. 'Is that it?'

'She should fall asleep shortly, but yes, that is it. I doubt she will remember anything that occurred this evening, so be prepared for that tomorrow. Again, I am sorry for this malfeasance from one of my own. Please do not try to strangle him,' Elrond said with a faint smile.

'I make no promises, but I will _try_ to refrain from murder under your roof,' Thorin muttered. Elmyra began to snore.

**Thoughts and opinions most welcome. **


	6. One Last Try

Thorin escorted her into the little salon. Most of the company was gathered. Bofur made the mistake of starting the teasing. 'Well, look who is back! Should I put on a pair of waders?' referring to her destruction of Ameril's shoes and pants earlier.

Elmyra stalked over to him and attacked. 'MILK! All you needed to remember was MILK! How hard is that? And yes, you better put waders on because the next time I vomit, I will search you out especially!' She used the ice voice and Bofur caved.

'I am so sorry, Elmyra. You're right. It shouldn't have been that hard to remember.' He never admitted that he_ had_ remembered. He hadn't realized the results would be so terrible and so he had let her eat the bread just to see what would happen. It was a little prank that had gone terribly wrong.

'Very well I will let it go.' She moved over and sat next to Bilbo. He was the only one of the company that she felt comfortable with right now other than Thorin. Her intentions were to sit for a few minutes and then go and repair her room the best she could.

'Do you feel any better? You looked terrible this morning. I felt so bad for you.' He reached out and patted her hand.

'Thank you Bilbo. Would you come and help me clean up my room? I seem to have made a mess and I would like to get to know you better.' She also wanted an excuse to leave quickly.

'Certainly. What happened?'

Elmyra blushed in embarrassment. 'Just a little temper tantrum.'

…..

'Remind me to stay out of your way when you're angry,' Bilbo said as he surveyed the disaster. 'Other than being poisoned, what made you so irate?'

'I thought I was going home and it didn't work.' Again she motioned to the Device and again he seemed not to see it.

'Why do you want to go home? Why did you sign the contract if you didn't want to come?' Bilbo had been reluctant, but he knew he had volunteered and intended to see it through.

'Funny thing is I didn't sign it. At least not that I remember.' She added before he could say it, 'And no, I wasn't drunk. I am not supposed to be here. There is no second burglar in the book.'

Bilbo caught the word again. 'You have mentioned a book before. What book?'

Elmyra picked up the Device from the bed. 'What do you see in my hand?' She really was curious. The way it actually looked had no reference in this world.

'It looks like a little packet of bound parchment. I_ guess_ you could call it a book.' He put out his hand and took it from her.

"The Hobbit", _'In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit_.' he read. 'Are you doing a study of someone from the Shire?'

Before he could read any further, she took the book back. 'Something like that,' she said. At least she knew that the text would appear to the others. She filed the info away to think about it. Someday it might be of use.

'Anyway, I shouldn't be here and I want to go home but that isn't happening so I got a little frustrated.' She started to pick up the pieces of a broken mirror.

Bilbo followed her and began collecting vase pieces. 'What should we do with these?'

'I was going to leave them on the floor by the door. In the morning, I will apologize profusely to the elf that has been tending my room and see where I should take them.' They worked for a little while longer.

'Why did you come, Bilbo? You have a happy life in the Shire. Do you ever want to go home?'

He looked at her. 'Sometimes. I love the Shire, but lately I have felt a little confined. Like my life was in a rut and if I didn't do something now, I never would. Don't you ever feel that way?'

Elmyra stared at him. She thought about her life. It was comfortable, she loved the job, and she had a nice apartment. A good life. 'Not really. I suppose I live in a rut, too but I like it that way. All I wanted was a relaxing week in the pretty countryside. Now it looks like I am facing months on the road facing danger and discomfort. My job will be gone even if I ever do get back.' She realized this even as she said it. Borys had said the Transition was in real time. Right about now was when she should have returned to work. The CFAA was not kind to those who missed work without being excused ahead of time.

'I suppose it might be dangerous. I really didn't give it much thought. Gandalf said it was an adventure.' Bilbo muttered.

'Gandalf says a lot of things to get people to do things they probably shouldn't.'

…

After Bilbo left, Elmyra sat down again with the Device. The ABORT button had not reappeared, but many scrolls in she came across the RESCUE button. She hadn't seen that in some time. 'What difference does it make now? They can't possibly charge me can they? They'll be lucky I don't sue them out of existence with all I have suffered. Maybe they can get here before things get too ugly.' She read the instructions. As Borys mentioned, they were full of dire warnings of added charges, delays, etc. The final one was "Press and hold RESCUE for a minimum of ten seconds before releasing. Follow any additional onscreen instructions." Taking a deep breath, she pressed, held for a long count of fifteen just in case, and released. The button flared bright red and then the screen asked: "Are you sure you require RESCUE" and reiterated the charges involved. There was another button in red that said "YES, press and hold ten seconds". She did as she was told. The button flared and again disappeared. The screen blanked and returned to Next Event: "Rocking with Stone Giants." Elmyra was not going to hold her breath waiting for RESCUE.

Rather than hold her breath, she went through the now aptly named 'Survival Kit: Upgraded Version.' She remembered Borys saying something about a spray of some sort. Near the bottom she found it. "Orc Repellent Spray" DO NOT RELY ON THIS PRODUCT TO SAVE YOUR LIFE, it said boldly on the label. _That_ was comforting. "This spray allows the wearer to interact in orc situations with less likelihood of attracting orc attention. IT WILL NOT KEEP THEM FROM HARMING YOU SHOULD YOU ATTRACT ATTENTION. You are still susceptible to being trampled and damaged by accidental contact. It will not protect you from stabbing, slashing or skinning. Spray should be applied within thirty-six hours of expected use. Will not wash off in rain. Reapply as needed." Great. As long as they didn't see her, they _might_ ignore her. She was at least four to five inches taller than any of the dwarves except Thorin and Dwalin. She would have to practice looking small. She placed the spray tube on the top of her other items. Hopefully the book ran true to the story and everyone would make it through the goblin cave. Did orc repellent work if they were called goblins? She would have a front row seat at the experiment.

Digging further in the kit she found one of the interesting extras Borys had mentioned. In a side pocket was a little snap kit labeled "Lock Pick Tools". What kind of survival kit was this? Good thing she had taken that fun class on magician escape tricks. She filed the tool away for possible future use. There was also an "Emergency Thermal Heat Bar." If you snapped it, it acted like a fire. "Good for Several Uses." Thanks Borys, that one sounded good, too.

…

Oddly enough, the next morning all the broken things in her room had been fixed and returned to their original places. She could find no signs of them ever having been damaged.

…..

'You wished to speak with me?' Elrond said to Elmyra as she gazed out over the valley.

'I'm sure you've heard this before, but this is the most beautiful place I have ever seen.' She turned to face the elf. He nodded but didn't speak. 'Anyway, I wondered if you would allow me to stay when the dwarves leave.'

Elrond looked slightly puzzled. 'Why would you stay behind? Aren't you part of this quest?'

'No, I'm not. They tell me I signed a contract but I don't remember doing it and I really don't want to go. I know what they are facing and I would rather avoid it,' Elmyra explained. Rather avoid it was a vast understatement, she thought. She would give up a chunk of her liver to stay behind.

'You are more than welcome to stay. No one is ever turned away from Rivendell.' Before Elmyra could jump for joy, he added, 'However, you may do so only if the dwarves agree to release you. I will not interfere in any agreements that they have. There is enough bad blood between our peoples already.'

Elmyra's face fell. 'I doubt they will do that. I begged at the very start to return to Hobbiton. As you can see, it didn't work out.'

'Then you must continue on your journey.' Elrond said.

'Tell me, Lord Elrond, where did you find it? The courage you needed for all the things you have done?' Elmyra had never done anything brave in her whole life. She hadn't needed to.

Elrond smiled. 'Some have it from the day they are born, others have no courage at all or refuse to seek it, and some have too much for their own good and are reckless.' Elmyra thought of Thorin and the dwarves and nodded her agreement. 'And then there are the rest of us. We find courage at the moments we need it most and once you find it the first time, it always seems easier to locate ever after. It shows up in the most unlikely situations.'

'Well, I hope that when I need to find some, it's there or this is going to be a very bad trip.' Elrond had seated himself on a bench and seemed in a mood to talk, so she dared more questions. 'What's it like to live forever, to be immortal? Do you ever get bored?'

Elrond had heard many questions in all his long life, but strangely never these. 'Well, I am unsure how to answer that first part as I have not lived forever as yet. However, I will say that it is a different journey from your own. Humans, and dwarves for that matter, live short hot lives compared to ours. You are born and die before an elf's life even really gets started. You burn like a bright fire where we have a low steady glow. As for boredom, no I cannot say that I have ever been bored. Life presents too much opportunity. Anything else?' he said with a raised eyebrow.

'Was it hard to choose between immortality and a mortal life? I know enough history to know you had a choice. I always wondered why anyone would choose to die,' Elmyra dared to ask.

'Everyone has their own reasons. Like I said, a mortal life burns quick and bright. Immortality requires patience.' He rose and said, 'Let me know if the dwarves release you.' With that he turned and walked away. Elmyra realized he hadn't answered the question.

…

It was her last night in Rivendell. There had been a farewell dinner for the Company. The dwarves managed to not behave too badly. She had glared at a few of them when things had gotten a little too lively for her taste and they had settled down. No one was willing to face Wild Cat when she got angry. Good, her reputation as a harridan was serving her well. She liked the dwarves but was in no mood for their antics tonight. Besides, Elrond deserved better.

She stood and looked at the moon. It was nearing full now and her heart filled with peace for once as she gazed at it. 'Will you miss Rivendell' a quiet voice said. She turned to see Thorin behind her.

'You know I will. You know I want to stay. Please let me,' she tried one last time.

He looked at her sad face. 'Little Cat, you know I would if I could, but you have to come with us. Besides, why would you want to stay with elves? I have never understood everyone's fascination with them.'

'Not all elves are Thranduil, Thorin. Elrond has been very kind and helpful. But even if he wasn't, it is still better here than what we are facing down the road. I am not suited for your life. I just want to go home.' She repeated it one last time. She promised herself she wouldn't say it again.

'How do you know of that elf? I have never said his name. I never do.' Thorin was stunned.

Elmyra reached out and stroked his arm. 'It really is soft, isn't it?' she said of the velvet. 'I know many things I wish I didn't. Someday I will explain, but for now know that I am resigned to going with the Company. I will do my best, but I was not trained for this nor am I familiar with your ways. I apologize in advance for the complaining you will most likely have to endure.' She smiled slightly. She wasn't lying about _that_ she was sure.

Thorin's heart beat faster at her touch. She was such a puzzle. He had known very few females in his long life and none intimately in any meaningful way. 'I will do my best to make this journey a success. One day I will show you the halls of my fathers and you will understand why it is so important to me. I would like to go home, too someday. You can help me do that.' He took her hand. 'Come with me, Little Cat. I will do my best to keep you safe and protect you.'

Elmyra looked down into his eyes. They were the deepest blue she had ever seen on any dwarf or man and they drew her in. She leaned forward and kissed his forehead. 'I know you will try, but I fear you might not be able to. Those pages seem to be missing.'

Her lips were warm on his forehead and his skin tingled at her touch. Once again, her words puzzled him and her actions intrigued him. As he drew her towards his chest, a voice interrupted.

'What a wonderful moon. I see you two are enjoying its glow.' Gandalf, for reasons of his own, barged into the moment. They moved slowly apart, not breaking eye contact. 'Are you all packed Elmyra? Thorin? We should leave early tomorrow. There are many miles to cover before we reach the mountains.'

Elmyra glared at the wizard and did not reply. 'I will see you in the morning, Thorin. Goodnight.' She turned and walked away.

'Why did you do that?' Thorin asked angrily.

'It would not be wise to get too attached, Thorin. She is a distraction that you do not need.'

'Then let's tell her the truth and leave her behind. It is what she wants anyway'. And the last thing_ I_ want he thought to himself.

Gandalf thought an Elmyra left behind would be a worse distraction than an Elmyra on the road. 'No, she should come. The truth will come out at a later time. I want you to be cautious with your feelings. It could lead to unpleasantness.'

'I'll thank you to mind your own business for once wizard, and stay out of mine.' Like Elmyra, Thorin turned and walked away.

'I never seem to be able to do that,' Gandalf said to the uncaring moon.

**Ah, now the fun really begins. Enjoy!**


	7. Playing for Time

It took several days to reach the goblin mountains. By then, Elmyra had given up on RESCUE. TFA might be lax, but a RESCUE would never take this long!

Elmyra knew tonight was Stone Giants and then the Goblin King so the last time she went into the bushes to tend to personal business she pulled out the "Orc Repellent Spray" and gave herself a good dowsing. It might not help but it wouldn't hurt.

The Device had warned that "Rocking with Stone Giants" was OMG Extreme and it wasn't kidding. Elmyra spent most of the time digging her fingernails into whatever parts of Bofur she could grab. When he grunted in pain on occasion, she only smiled in revenge. Take _that_, dwarf of very short memory. The rest of the time was spent holding and releasing the stupid ABORT button. Needless to say, it never worked.

The giants weren't the worst problem. They were actually quite amazing to watch. It was the path Elmyra hated. It was all of fifteen inches wide at most, it was pouring rain, the wind was howling and there was the occasional rock to duck as it tumbled past. Heights had never been an issue before, but she realized that was because there had always been a nice safety railing or plate of glass between her and death. OMG Extreme was a little understated, she thought as she screamed into Bofur's ear. That should teach him to forget the damned milk!

…

They were settling into the nice dry cave Fili and Kili had scouted. Elmyra knew it would end badly, but there was no point in mentioning it. They had to go through the caves and Bilbo had to get the Ring. But at least for a little while, they were warm and dry.

Everyone was asleep when the bottom dropped out and they fell into the goblin trap. Elmyra fortunately landed near the top of the pile. The group struggled to separate themselves. They were confined in a pen with high bars. Elmyra kept to the center as best she could and kept her head down.

Dwalin noticed her crouching down behind his back and realized that if the goblins saw her, it would not be pleasant. He stood as tall as he could and tried to look even bigger than usual. The other dwarves tried to hide her from sight also. Thorin went to the bars and yelled to be released.

The stench was appalling. The caverns were smoky, dark and reeked of death and decay. It was all Elmyra could do not to wretch. Since she had her head down, she couldn't see what was happening. Scuffling and the sounds of metal clashing were heard and the snarling voices of their captors.

The goblins dragged them all out and pulled them before the Goblin King. Elmyra continued to try and make herself a little shorter than the others. At first it seemed to work, and Thorin pushed himself forward to take the brunt of the Goblin King's anger. However, right before the part where Orcrist was revealed, she felt a claw on her shoulder and she was yanked out of the group. So much for the "Orc Repellent Spray". Bifur tried to hang onto her and got a good kick in the face for his effort.

'Your Majesty, look what we have here! I thought I smelled female! The dwarves have brought you a pretty present!' crowed a snaggle toothed goblin. He shoved Elmyra towards the king and Thorin. She stumbled into Thorin's chest and he helped her stand upright.

'Leave her alone. Your business is with me,' he yelled.

'My business is with whomever I choose. Stand aside and let me see this tasty treat.' A guard dragged Thorin away from Elmyra who was trying her best to be brave. This was not covered in any Tolkien book. She was writing her own script now. Another guard pulled her closer to the horrible countenance of the Goblin King. 'My, she is a pretty thing.' He lifted his head to address the goblins crowding around. 'It looks like we are going to have more than a good dinner tonight, boys!' The cavern echoed with howls of lust. 'Strip her!'

Courage was only good for so long. Elmyra began to scream and struggle. Claws reached out and tugged and yanked at her clothes. The tunic came off immediately but EverCleanClothes are tougher even than goblin nails. 'They won't come off, Your Majesty. Some magic protects them!' Elmyra kicked out with her feet and scratched at anything she came in contact with. To her satisfaction, she got in a few good, painful blows.

The king turned his loathsome face once more to Elmyra. 'Take your clothes off or I kill one of them,' he motioned to the dwarves.

Elmyra knew that Gandalf should be on the way and did her best to stall. 'Take your mitts off me,' she yelled at the nearest goblins. She tugged her clothes back into position and straightened to her full height. 'What do I care? They dragged me along on this misbegotten adventure against my will. It would serve them right.'

The king saw through her bravado but played along. 'Very well, let me see. Which one should I start with?' He first looked at Thorin, but he had other plans for him. His eye fell on Ori, the youngest of the group. 'That one,' he pointed, 'start with that one. He looks nice and tender.'

Poor Ori was dragged out into the circle before the king. 'Strip or he dies,' he ordered.

'Don't do it Elmyra! He'll kill us all anyway!' Ori cried. He tried to loosen the iron grip on his arms. A knife was held to his throat and he stopped struggling.

'Well, bitch, what is it to be? Your clothes, or his throat?' This was just getting better and better, the king thought. So many mice to play with, so much entertainment ahead.

Elmyra put her hand to her throat. She stared at the horrible creature. She reached deep down inside and found her courage again. 'Don't kill him. I'll do it.' The room howled. As slowly as she dared, she pressed the first closure at her neck. The EverCleanClothes were fastened with thermal closings. Place your fingers in just the right spot for just the right amount of time and they popped open. The first one popped and a bit of fabric loosened. She moved slowly to the next and then the next. With each pop, the room roared with the sound of goblins in heat. Her hands trembled with each "POP".

Thorin did his best to break loose, but he was held by two goblins half again his size, both drooling at the sight unfolding before their eyes. 'Elmyra, you don't have to do this. Please!' he begged.

She had avoided his eyes before this, but at the sound of his voice she looked at his face. Her top was open now from her neck to the top of her breasts. A few more pops and things were going to really start to show, she thought. Where _was_ that damned wizard? 'I can't let Ori die because of me, Thorin. It's only skin.' She said it but knew it was really much more than that. It was her dignity and eventually it would be something much worse.

'They will do horrible things to you and then kill us anyway. Don't make it easy for them!' Thorin was in agony. He watched as her hands moved relentlessly down her blouse, popping open the fasteners one after the other. How had he let this happen?

The rest of the company watched in equal torment. Of all of them, for this beast to have singled out Elmyra! No matter how hard they struggled, none could free themselves to help her. Bombur even tried biting with no success. Goblin tasted horrible.

"POP… POP… POP". Who would have thought such little sounds could echo so loudly in the chamber? The gap was almost to her waist.

'That's enough. Take it off now or I will have one of these do it for you!' The king waved at two especially gruesome goblins at his side. He knew she was stalling.

Elmyra kept her eyes fastened on Thorin's as she slid her hand under one shoulder of her top. She could no longer stop her tears and they began to fall down her cheeks as she realized that perhaps Gandalf wouldn't come. Slowly she pushed her hand along her shoulder. Just before she reached the point of no return, the room went dark and then it was bathed in a blinding flash.

_Finally_, thought Elmyra as she yanked her clothes back on and slammed the fasteners shut. When her vision cleared from the flash, she saw her backpack, tunic and the "Lightweight Elven Blade" near the stunned goblin king's feet. She threw herself forward and reclaimed the only things she owned in this world. The dwarves were likewise scrambling and reclaiming their weapons. Gandalf shouted for them to follow him even as he slew the Goblin King and started running. Without looking back, Elmyra shot off after him running faster than she ever had in her life, the dwarves at her heels.

They ran and fought their way out of the caverns and finally raced down the slopes of the mountain. It wasn't until they stopped that Elmyra felt the full force of the shock. In her wildest nightmares, she had never expected to face what she had just gone through. She collapsed to her knees, stunned.

She was soon surrounded by concerned dwarves who had no idea what to do. She was huddling on the ground, her arms wrapped around her knees when Ori arrived. He immediately hugged her as tightly as he could. 'Thank you, Elmyra, I know that was a terrible thing you had to do.'

It was the right thing to say. 'I couldn't let them kill you Ori, not when I knew Gandalf should be showing up. It was a small price to pay. We just needed a little more time.' She hugged him back.

Thorin raced up to the group, but stopped when he saw the pair. Elmyra had buried her face in Ori's neck and was beginning to cry in relief. Ori stroked her hair and murmured soothing words. They were in their own little world of those who face terrible events and survive. He turned abruptly to Gandalf. 'And just where were you as two of our most innocent members faced that _naragin muzmel_ goblin?'

For once, Gandalf looked abashed. 'I had no idea how things were going to play out. I managed to avoid the first trap and then had to find out where you had been taken. How was I to know that Elmyra would be the target? And besides, she handled it rather well don't you think?'

It was all he could do to keep from pulling out his sword and running the wizard through. 'She did a fine job, if you call having to stand in front of a thousand slavering goblins and take your clothes off a job!' Thorin shuddered, remembering the terror in her eyes as she stared at him and the tears running down her face. He had failed her already after promising to keep her safe.

'Thorin, we need to get a move on. Those goblins will not be content letting us get away without a chase. As the sun goes down, they are bound to follow.' Gandalf started rousting the rest of the Company. Bilbo had managed to join them unnoticed by any but Gandalf and so avoided unnecessary questions. He had his own tale to tell, but he thought it could wait until later. He sensed something terrible had happened in his absence.

Thorin wanted to go and speak to Elmyra, but he saw the wisdom of Gandalf's words. There was no time. 'Everyone move out, we have to put some distance between ourselves and the goblins!'

Elmyra and Ori heard his words and reluctantly let go of each other. Elmyra didn't know if she could stand let alone run but realizing there was a time to fall apart and a time to run, she ran.

They had almost reached the bottom of the mountain when Wargs and goblins were heard yammering in the distance. The only escape was up a stand of pines at the base of the slope. Elmyra knew how this was going to go, so she made sure she climbed to the highest branch she could reach. Sure enough, the Wargs attacked, Gandalf lit pine cones, and Thorin managed_ not_ to confront Azog, she thought gratefully. Tonight the movie gave precedence to the book. Elmyra burned her fingers but got one hell of a ride on the back of an Eagle. She had never felt such a thrill in her life. All the agonies of not going home and not knowing if she ever would, the memories of what she had just done fell from her shoulders for a brief time as she soared on the back of the magnificent eagle.

**A little intense perhaps, but this isn't going to all be a cakewalk. Let me know what you think, I am always interested!**


	8. Of Bears and Bees

Of Bears and Bees

Elmyra managed to maintain her composure until they reached the safety of Beorn's house. During the walk down the Carrock, she avoided the others and kept to herself. Thorin suffered agonies over her treatment by the goblins, but did not speak to her as he led the way down the stairs.

Gandalf brought them to Beorn and the big man welcomed them.

At Beorn's, the dwarves shared a large room and Beorn put Elmyra into a little room in an attic loft. She stayed there alone and her mind began to punish her. She stripped off the EverCleanClothes, threw them away from her and climbed into the bed. Finally the shock and trauma of the goblin cavern overcame her and she began to cry and shiver.

When she didn't appear for lunch, Oin went up to check on her. She was lying in bed with the curtains closed. 'Are you alright?' he asked. She didn't answer or even move. He walked to the side of the bed. Oin had seen enough of war in his time to recognize the signs of shock, but he didn't know how to treat it in humans. Dwarves usually just needed to get really drunk a few times to shake most of it off.

'Elmyra, you didn't eat any lunch. Are you okay?' he asked again. Eventually, 'No' was all he could get out of her no matter what he asked. He left her alone at last, hoping that with time and hunger she would appear on her own.

Ori tried late in the day. 'Elmyra, it is almost time for dinner. Are you coming down?' He too received 'No' and nothing more.

Oin urged Thorin to go and talk to her, but he was so embarrassed by his inattention that he thought he would do more harm than good. 'Leave her be, she'll come out when she's ready.' And I won't have to face her until she does, he thought. He was so ashamed at his failure to protect her and what she had had to do to save the Company.

…..

The next morning, Beorn took matters in hand. He climbed to the little room and looked down at Elmyra. He had spent the day before with Gandalf and Thorin so he had a rough outline of the story if not the specifics. He also had intimate knowledge of goblin behavior and could guess what he hadn't been told.

'You should come outside, Little Cat, it is a beautiful day,' he said in his deep gruff voice. When she ignored him, he said, 'Are you awake, Little Cat? Come outside.'

'My name is Elmyra, not Little Cat' was all she said. That was what_ he_ called her. She wouldn't answer to it anymore. _He_ had abandoned her.

'I'm so sorry, Elmyra. When we were talking, all Thorin could talk about was Little Cat this and Little Cat that. I thought it was your name. But no matter, come outside. You must be hungry and I would like to show you my bees.'

Elmyra was vaguely cheered by the mention of Thorin calling her Little Cat although she was still mad at him. 'I have nothing to wear.'

Beorn could see the EverCleanClothes thrown on the chair. 'Your clothes are right here. I will leave so you can dress.'

'I don't ever want to wear those again,' she said fiercely. 'They make me feel dirty. Dirty and disgusting. Dirty….'

Again Beorn could only guess what had happened, but he had a good idea. 'I have a dress of my daughter's that you may borrow for now. And under no circumstances are you dirty.' He went out and returned a short time later with a green plaid dress. He laid it on the bed. Elmyra had her head under the covers. 'Put this on. I will wait outside the door and go down with you. I insist. If you don't, I will dress you myself.' He turned and walked out. Beorn knew how to handle stubborn females.

Elmyra thought about testing that threat, but she was hungry and she thought he probably would do it. She could hear it in his voice. The dress fit fairly well and covered her from neck to ankles. She didn't want the dwarves seeing any more skin than necessary. She went out the door.

Beorn stared at her, and a sad smile crossed his face when he saw the dress. He led the way down the stairs and she followed slowly. At the bottom, Fili, Kili, Gloin and Bilbo were playing cards. They turned at the noise of her approach. Fili made the mistake of leering at Elmyra and Beorn stopped him with a mighty glare. Elmyra kept her head down and her eyes turned away. She walked quickly past and out the door.

Gloin punched Fili on the side of his head. 'You ass! Don't look at her that way! No female should be treated the way she was and then have to face an idiot like you! Treat her with respect and if you can't, don't look at her.' Fili looked vaguely repentant but followed her retreating figure with hungry eyes.

Elmyra wanted to run as soon as she was out the door, but she didn't know where she would go, so she just stood and waited for Beorn. 'Follow me,' he said. He grabbed a basket of food he had left by the door and led her to a bench under a tree in a nearby meadow. Large hives stood under another tree not too far away. Elmyra sat and blinked in the sunlight. Giants bees flitted past and their hum filled the air.

Beorn unpacked the basket and handed her bread spread with honey. 'Not eating is the worst thing you can do. You need to rebuild your strength.'

'What makes you think you know what I should do? You don't know me or anything about me,' she snapped.

'I know goblins and what they do to women. I know something of your story. Not all of it,' he assured her when she jerked up her head at his words.

She started to cry. 'I didn't want to do it. I had to save Ori. I feel so dirty and used. What if Gandalf hadn't come? What then?'

'But he did come and from what I hear, you were very courageous. We all do things that we must when faced with a bad situation. You have nothing to be ashamed of, nothing.' He reached out to pat her shoulder.

She cringed away from his touch and then said, 'I'm sorry. You are only trying to be kind.' She couldn't tell him that all night long she had felt the claws of the goblins touching and grabbing her, the sounds of their lustful howls echoing in her ears, but he understood.

'Take all the time you need. You are still in shock I think.'

'Why didn't he come to visit? Oin and Ori did, but _he_ didn't.' She couldn't say the name.

Beorn knew who she meant. 'Thorin is a proud dwarf and his shame is that he did not protect you. It is hard for such a one to overcome his emotions once he has let them fester. Had he talked to you immediately, it would have been better for both of you, but Gandalf said you started to run from the goblins again before he had a chance. Please don't hold it against him. Like I said, all he could do was talk about was his Little Cat.' Beorn was a strong man, but he had a very soft heart for those in distress.

'Where is your daughter, Beorn?' Elmyra asked gently.

'She was killed by goblins several years ago,' he said quietly, after a pause that lasted for ages. 'I have lost them all.' He did not expand on that and Elmyra didn't ask.

After she finished eating, he told her about the giant bees and how they were found nowhere else in Middle Earth as far as he knew. He even got her to laugh once or twice. By the end of the day, some of her gloom had lifted and her normal good spirits were at least making an attempt to return.

…..

From a distance, Gandalf watched the pair. When he returned to the house, he found Thorin talking with Dwalin. 'Did you know Elmyra is outside with Beorn?' he asked the dwarf.

'No, I didn't. I thought she was still hiding.' Beorn had been right. Thorin was too embarrassed to see Elmyra. He had failed her miserably.

'He has her out under a tree enjoying the day. I think perhaps you should go and talk with her, don't you?' Gandalf prodded. Elmyra might be a distraction when she and Thorin were friends, but Elmyra would be disaster if they weren't.

'She doesn't need to see me if she's with Beorn. I would be intruding,' he stalled.

'Thorin, you are being a coward. You will eventually have to talk to her. It is better sooner than later, and you have let it go long enough. Go talk to her. NOW!' the wizard pointed out the door.

Thorin slowly stood. 'I hold you responsible if she hates me, Gandalf.' He walked out the door and saw the tree that Gandalf had mentioned. A few minutes of slow walking brought him within earshot. He could hear her laughing softly.

Beorn watched from the time Thorin left the house until he was only a little distance away. 'I think there is someone coming that you should talk to. I will leave you.' He abruptly stood and walked off before she could say anything. Elmyra had her back to the house and refused to turn around. Her spine stiffened as she heard the nearing footsteps. They stopped.

'Please look at me, Elmyra. I need to see your eyes so I can apologize properly.' She didn't move. He walked around to stand in front of her but she kept her head down, staring at the ground. He reached out gently to lift her chin but she jerked her head away. 'Very well, when you are ready.' He sat beside her on the bench and watched the bees.

Elmyra's thoughts were in turmoil. She wanted to look at him, but she was so ashamed. The last time he had looked at her, she was half naked in a room full of beasts slobbering over her. Tears began to fall silently down her cheeks as they had then. She saw his hand resting on the bench next to her leg. Slowly she reached out her own hand and touched it. He took it and added his other one to it. They sat there silently for awhile.

At last she spoke. 'I feel so dirty, so ashamed. I can still feel their eyes and hands on me. What if Gandalf hadn't come?' she asked again.

He put his arms around her and pulled her close as he had been longing to do since the first fastener had popped open. 'Don't think that way. He _did_ come and nothing truly horrible happened to any of us. You mustn't ever be ashamed of what you did. You were very brave to stall for time. If you hadn't offered to take off your clothes, the goblin king would have had them cut off you in seconds and some or all of us would have been dead before Gandalf arrived.' Thorin's heart burned with the pain he knew she felt. He held her even tighter.

They sat that way for what seemed like hours as she cried out her fear and shame. Finally she pulled back and wiped her eyes. 'I thought you couldn't bear to look at me. You avoided me.'

'At first it was because Ori was doing a good job comforting you, and then I was embarrassed by my inability to protect you. It was my job, and I failed. I shouldn't have waited, but I did and I am sorry. Please forgive me, Little Cat.'

She smiled again at the nickname. 'Beorn thought that was my real name, you said it so much.'

'You will always be my Little Cat. Or Wild Cat, depending on the situation. _Can _you forgive me?'

'I forgive you. You didn't mean for us to get captured. It was written long ago. I knew what was coming, but somehow things changed for the worse.' This was the first time she had even given it much thought, but the book _had _changed. Certainly all female TFA tourists didn't go what she had gone through? She would examine the Device when she had a chance. Maybe the storylines _weren't_ so set in stone.

Once again her words puzzled Thorin, but he knew he would not get an answer he would understand so he let it pass. They sat together for a while longer and then Thorin left to meet with Beorn and Gandalf.

…..

While Elmyra continued watching bees, Thorin was fighting his instincts. His instincts told him he wanted to spend his days watching bees with her, but his head told him to watch his step and stay away. So far his head was winning. She wasn't a dwarf and she said the oddest things. Besides he told himself, he had to work with Gandalf and Beorn on the supplies for the next leg. That took hours and hours. Not really, but that was what he told himself. He was a coward.

Gandalf noticed that his mind was wandering. 'What seems to be the problem, Thorin? Cat got your tongue?'

Thorin grimaced at the wizard's word play. 'There are times I really dislike you, do you know that? Of course she has my tongue. Along with everything else, it seems.'

The wizard was surprised by such honesty from the normally reserved dwarf. 'Is it that bad? I thought she was just an interest of the moment.'

'You weren't there, Gandalf. You didn't see her in that cavern in front of those hoards of goblins. I really believe she would have stripped down to nothing to save Ori even though it was killing her inside. I have never seen such courage without someone having a sword in their hand. It is the last thing I would have expected from the woman who vomited on a pony on the first day of this journey. She has been one surprise after another. Next thing you know she'll be a good burglar!'

Gandalf considered his words. 'I agree. She has proved herself worthy. I feel even more comfortable leaving the company once we reach Mirkwood. Elmyra always seems to be one step ahead of the rest of us.

'I wish you would continue with us,' Thorin said. 'What's so important?'

'From the start, I warned that I would go only as far as it suited my needs. I have heard news from Elrond that sends me in another direction. I hope to rejoin you again before you reach Erebor, but if I don't you will just have to make do.'

'Let's hope that Bilbo and Elmyra are enough to handle a dragon.'

'Sometimes I think Elmyra will handle that dragon all on her own just fine,' laughed Gandalf.


	9. Trouble in Paradise

Trouble in Paradise

After a pleasant day of watching bees and avoiding dwarves, Elmyra had retreated back to her room, but now she really needed to pee. She had two choices. She could use the chamber pot in her room or she could face the company and go to the outhouse. As much as she hated facing the dwarves, the chamber pot was worse she decided. Using it wasn't the problem. Emptying it or leaving it for someone else? Not happening.

She quietly opened her door and looked over the edge of the loft. Luck smiled for once. The dwarves down below were gathered at the far end concentrating on something Nori had. She slowly crept down the stairs as quietly as she could and out the door, but not completely unnoticed.

Fili saw her when she was halfway to the door. Ever since the cavern, he had become obsessed with her. When she had started to remove her clothes he had felt shame for her, but also lust. He was at an age when he was just coming to terms with the lack of females in dwarf culture. He knew some dwarves used human prostitutes, but it was frowned on especially for a member of the royal family. He had been taught the standard meditation techniques that helped avoid frustration, but he had been lax since Rivendell. Now he was paying the price. He followed her out the door.

Thorin was outside enjoying the calm evening air. He saw Elmyra leave the house and walk in his direction. Good, she had left her room on her own. It was about time! Then he noticed Fili following her. Something about the way he walked alerted Thorin. This could be trouble. He was too far away to do anything before Elmyra entered the little outhouse, but he quickened his pace so he would be there when she exited. Fili took up a position just outside the door nervously shuffling his feet.

Elmyra came out the door of the outhouse to find Fili in her way. 'Oh! I didn't see you!' She turned to walk around him but he put a hand on her waist.

'I wanted to a talk to you, Elmyra.' She looked down into his eyes. They had a look she didn't want to see.

'Not now. I have to go.' She tried again to turn away. His hand tightened, the other one joining it.

'I wanted to know if you would finish it.'

'Finish what? What do you want from me, Fili?' Her heart began to race.

'I want you to take your clothes off for me. I _need_ you to finish what you started in the goblin cave.' His eyes were bright with lust as he stared up at her, remembering how pale and white her skin was under her clothes. He breathed hard and started to pull her to him.

'No, Fili. That will never happen!' She tugged at his hands and tried to free herself, but his grip was like steel. 'Let me go!'

Another voice interrupted. 'I suggest you let her go, Fili. I would hate to be down to only one heir.' Thorin's voice had more steel in it than Fili's grip. Fili ignored his uncle and tried to pull Elmyra even closer. It was only when he heard the sound of Orcrist leaving its scabbard that he looked away from her and at his uncle.

Thorin stood three feet away with the sword ready at his side. 'I am not joking, Fili, let her go.'

Fili stared for another moment before he lifted his hands away. 'Don't, Uncle. I am sorry.'

As soon as she felt his hands leave, Elmyra pulled loose and ran towards the house. Thorin did not take his eyes off his nephew. 'What were you thinking? Hasn't she suffered enough of that kind of treatment? You know better, or at least I thought you did.'

'I can't help it. Ever since that night she is all I can think of. I wondered if she might feel the same way.' His voice had a pathetic pleading tone.

'When was the last time you meditated, Fili?' Thorin's voice softened just a little. He had been young and stupid once.

Fili dropped his head. 'At Rivendell. You know I am not very good about it.'

'And that is why you are in this condition. It is hard enough when there are no females around, but with Elmyra here you should have been diligent. You are at the toughest age for a dwarf, Fili, you know that. Go and find Balin. Tell him what you just did and ask for his help.'

Fili whined, 'I have to tell Balin? You know how he is. He will stick to me like glue!'

'Exactly, and he will make sure you are meditating. We will be back on the road soon. I don't have time for this nonsense. Elmyra is not for you and you know it! The sooner you resolve this issue, the better for the Company! Now go!' He waved his hand towards the house and turned his back, assuming Fili would do as he ordered.

Fili wanted to ask who Elmyra _was_ for, but he decided he didn't need another punch in the head like Gloin had given him earlier. He left.

Thorin sighed. He was somewhat surprised this hadn't already occurred. One female in a group of males was never good, and since the goblin cavern, all sorts of emotions had reared their heads. He himself was not immune. Every once in a while he too had a flash of white skin and the curve of a breast in his mind. Time for some of his _own_ meditation, he thought. But first he had to see Elmyra to apologize.…..again.

…..

Thorin knocked on her door. He heard a faint 'Come in'. He pushed the door open to find her lying on the bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. 'May I talk with you, Elmyra?' Her eyes moved to focus on him. She sat up and waved him into the room. He only used her real name when he was in trouble.

'I suppose you must,' she said. 'Have a seat.' She pointed at the only chair in the room. Thorin saw her EverCleanClothes on it. He picked them up and started to hand them to her. She pulled her hands to her chest. 'No, I don't want to touch them. Someday I will have to. Not now.'

He folded them and noticed the feel of the fabric. It was smooth and slick. He had never felt anything like it before. 'Are they truly magic?'

Elmyra snorted a little laugh. 'You could say that. It's called 'technology'. A wonderful thing sometimes, when it works.' She thought of where technology had gotten her recently and was not amused.

'Can't you get other clothes from Beorn? Maybe you don't need to wear these.' He put them on the windowsill and sat in the chair.

'These are Beorn's daughter's clothes and they are only a loan. I wouldn't dream of taking them from him. Besides, they wouldn't last a week on the road the way things are going.' She knew what the future held.

'I need to apologize yet again, for Fili's behavior. He is at a very difficult age, but that is no excuse. He should never have spoken to you in that way.' Thorin blushed remembering his nephew's words.

'Do all of them see me that way?' She paused. 'Do you?' She kept her eyes on her hands. She couldn't look at him.

'I will not lie, Little Cat,' he said softly. 'Many dwarves are not used to being around females as closely as we have been with you. I probably should have considered that before I dragged you along. The incident in the cavern has awakened feelings best left dormant. But,' he hurried on as he saw her tense, 'we also learn at a young age certain meditative skills that suppress those feelings and allow us to live the way we must. Fili has been ignoring these rituals and has lost control. I have sent him to Balin. He will get him straightened out and back on track, I assure you.' He wanted to touch her hand but didn't dare.

'What did you think that day?' Her head came up and she looked directly into his eyes. 'What did it make _you_ feel?'

He answered immediately. 'Shame. Shame that you had to go through that, shame that I couldn't protect you, shame that I had gotten us into that situation. And anger that there was nothing that I could do to stop it. I will never forgive myself. But pride also. You were so very brave in an impossible, unwinnable situation.' His voice was gruff with emotion.

She reached out and made the contact he hadn't dared. 'Thank you. I have done my best to put it behind me, but I don't know if I ever truly will.'

He pulled her hand over and kissed it softly. 'Take it from me, even the worst of memories fade with time. Try not to let them rule your life.' Even as he said the words, visions of his worst battle flashed briefly through his mind. Yes they faded, but they seldom went away for long.

'Now, as hard as it may seem, I think you need to come and join the company for the evening. If you are to go back on the road with us, we need to get things on a more normal footing. They intend to sing and play tonight. It would be an easy way to reconnect with everyone and get past the last awkwardness. I know they miss you, especially Ori. He has quite a little crush on you! Nothing like Fili!' he assured her when he saw her look alarmed. 'Just a little puppy love.' He didn't need to tell her why, she knew.

'Alright, I guess if I can strip in front of a room of goblins, I can face a room of idiot dwarves.' She tried to lift her spirits with a little humor and to bring the horrible incident out in the open.

'That's the idea! And besides, singing is always good for one's spirits.' Thorin started to lead the way.

'No, let me go first. I am tired of hiding.' She pulled her shoulders back and walked past him towards the stairs. With her head held high, she walked down into the open living area of Beorn's house. When she was halfway down, Bofur caught sight of her and yelled, 'Look who's here! Elmyra really does still exist!'

Elmyra didn't hesitate. 'Yes I do, Milk, and don't you forget it like you forget so many other things! Sing for me!' Her reference to the Ameril incident served to lighten the mood _and_ to remind them of the steel in her spine. She reached the bottom of the stairs and greeted the rest of the dwarves. They soon turned back to their ale and the singing began.

Late in the evening, Balin approached Elmyra. 'I would like you to talk with Fili.' As she started to pull away, he put out a hand. 'Don't worry, I will be there. It is important for him to be able to talk to you when he is in control. We have had a good session and I believe he is more at peace. Please, Elmyra, we need to get him past this.'

This was the last thing Elmyra wanted to do, but Balin insisted. He led her outside to where Fili waited. 'Fili, Elmyra has agreed to speak with you.' Balin stood back as the two drew closer.

'I-I am very sorry, Elmyra. I behaved horribly this evening. I forgot everything I have been taught about being a responsible dwarf. Please forgive me. It will not happen again.' His voice was soft and completely different from his usual boisterous self.

Elmyra stared at him. 'Why does everyone think all they have to do is apologize to be forgiven? Do you have any idea how you made me feel, the memories you brought back up? How I now have to question every look I get from anyone in the Company? That I know that is what you might be thinking? No, I don't forgive you. Not yet anyway. You will have to work far harder than a few words to earn that!' She ended up shouting the words at him. Suddenly she lunged forward and slapped him across the face as hard as she could.

Fili rocked back on his feet, his lip bleeding from her blow.

Balin stepped in and pulled her away. 'Calm down, lass. I am sorry. Perhaps it is too soon for this. Fili, leave us.' He waited until Fili was gone. 'This is my fault. Dwarf females are unlike dwarf males. They are quick to anger, but quick to forgive. I had no idea you were still so affected by this.'

Elmyra couldn't believe what he was saying. 'Still affected? Balin, I will be 'affected' by this for the rest of my life.' Before he could tell her to get over it (which he wanted to do) she continued. 'No I wasn't actually raped, no one touched me that way, but Balin, hundreds of orcs were thinking of doing just that. If Gandalf had been just a few minutes later, there would have been no _me_ left! I can't 'just get over it'. Not in a few days. Ask me another time and things might be different, but knowing that others in the Company may have those same thoughts makes my skin crawl. The way Fili looked at me….' Her voice trailed off.

'He will not look at you that way again, I promise.'

'That doesn't mean he isn't thinking it now, does it? Meditation or no, I will still see that look in his eyes. Please keep him away from me if you can.'

'I will do my best. Thorin has made him my responsibility. He really_ is_ sorry, Elmyra. Trust me on that.' Balin hoped his words really were the truth.

'Trust is earned too, Balin, like forgiveness.' She turned and walked away.

…

The next day, Elmyra was with the bees again when Bilbo sat down next to her. 'They really are amazing, aren't they? I have never seen bees this big,' Bilbo said.

'That's why I like watching them. Did you know that they will perch on your fingers if you have the patience to work with them? Beorn even has names for a lot of them.' Elmyra put out her hand and in a few seconds a bee landed on it and began to preen its wings. 'I love the sound of the buzzing. It's as calming as a cat's purr.'

They sat for a few more minutes before Elmyra said, 'I hear you had your own adventure in the caverns.' She had been glad to learn that the little hobbit had not witnessed her 'adventure'.

For the next half hour, Bilbo told her all about falling, getting lost, and the riddle game with Gollum. Of course, she already knew the story, but hearing it firsthand was exciting. When he was done she asked, 'So, you just ran past the goblin guards at the tunnel exit? They just let you through?'

Bilbo hadn't told anyone about the ring, but he got the feeling she knew something. 'Well, I did have a little help.' He started to spin a tale of Gollum jumping out and distracting the guards but the look on her face told him she wasn't buying it. 'Alright, I am bursting to tell someone, but you must keep it a secret.' He pulled out the Ring and held it up to the light. 'I found this near where Gollum was. It makes me invisible!' he crowed.

Elmyra looked at the gold band in his hand. It really was just a plain gold ring, nothing special. 'Put in on! I want to see.' Bilbo looked around to see if anyone else was around and slipped the ring on. He disappeared! It really was an amazing sight! She could see his shadow on the ground (how did that work by the way?) but everything else was gone. 'That is quite a trick, Bilbo. Quite a trick. Let me try!' She didn't know if he would let her, but it never hurt to ask!

Bilbo took the ring off. He held it in his hand, contemplating it. He wasn't yet so enthralled with it that he would refuse immediately. She saw his hesitation. 'Come on, for just a minute, I'll give it right back, I promise!'

'Alright, for just a minute. Don't lose it!' He handed her the ring.

It was actually rather warm to the touch and heavier than it looked. She held it. She was holding the ONE RING! Holy cow! Even though it was all make believe (or was it? Anymore, she was getting things confused). She slowly slid it on her finger. And nothing happened. She could tell from Bilbo's face that she wasn't invisible. 'Well, look at that, still here. How odd.' She took it off her ring finger and slid it on her forefinger. Nothing. 'Well, call me Tom Bombadil! It doesn't affect me.' She gave it back to the hobbit. 'Keep it safe Bilbo, I think you might get a little use out of it.' And three more really thick books.

Bilbo kept staring at her. 'Does it just make hobbits disappear?'

'I have no idea, Bilbo. Perhaps it is because I don't belong here,' she said more to herself than to Bilbo.

'You always say the oddest things, Elmyra. Of course you belong here. Where else would you belong?'

Elmyra didn't bother to answer. She was beginning to wonder that herself.

After Bilbo left, Elmyra pulled out the Device. She hadn't paid it much attention since before the mountain. There would be no adventures at Beorn's and she was sick of the whole disaster it had caused. No rescue team had come and they were now unlikely to appear. It had been over two weeks since she had activated the button.

Scrolling through the pages, she noticed nothing new except that both the ABORT and RESCUE buttons had reappeared. She wasn't even tempted to try them. False hope was worse than no hope. She did notice that 'Menacing Mirkwood' and 'Slavering Spiders' were in the pending list. Yay! Giant spiders! Unfortunately, there was no way around Mirkwood as there had been with the trolls. She set all the safety settings she could find to "Not a Scratch".

She checked the Tolkien library. There had been that _minor_ change in the goblin cavern. She was stunned when she turned to the applicable chapter and saw, 'Elmyra played for time while they waited for Gandalf to appear.' Just that one sentence and (thankfully) no details. But that had no place in the text of "The Hobbit"! EVER! She had changed the story! Or was it just her version? She supposed she would never know. Stupid TFA.

**For those who have not read 'The Lord of the Rings', Tom Bombadil was the only one who put on the Ring and did not become invisible. That is why Elmyra says, 'Well call me Tom Bombadil.' Poor Tom never made it into the movies.**

**My apologies to the Fili fans out there. I thought I needed to address a few issues about one female with 14 males. Fili seemed the most likely candidate. Kili is a little more reserved, Ori too young and the others much older.**


	10. Meanwhile in Chicago

**And now for something completely different….**

Meanwhile in Chicago

September, 2137

It had taken awhile, but eventually someone missed Elmyra. Work had instituted an inquiry when she had not shown up for three days of assigned work, but it had consisted of an apartment inquiry and a check of police records. Her apartment told them it knew nothing of her whereabouts and the police had no information on any bodies matching her description. Her palm implant was inactive and there was no way to trace her. CFAA filed a report and it wandered out into the bureaucracy. Finally someone read the report, looked up her emergency contact information and queried her nephew's palm implant.

Algernon hadn't heard or thought of his aunt in months either. They were good for birthday and holiday greetings, but the fact that she was missing was news to him. He did have access to her apartment, so he asked it for more details than the CFAA had been able to. It told him that Elmyra had been home the night of June 21, and that she had gone to bed at 11 PM, and then it had no further info. It had been told to expect her life signals to disappear from inside the apartment and that no alert was necessary. All her bills were being paid automatically so there was nothing else to go on. He looked over her last bit bill and noticed the rather large payment to Tolkien Fantasy Adventures just before she disappeared. Something about the name rang a bell in his mind. Hadn't he gotten something about that a few months back? He asked his palm to run a search and it popped up her last message and itinerary. Information in hand, he went to the shop where she had scheduled her trip.

'May I help you?' the tall salesman said. 'My name is Borys and I can make your adventures happen!'

'I don't need an adventure, I need information.' Algernon explained his need to Borys.

Borys took the itinerary to his console and punched in the trip code. 'Ah, yes I remember your aunt. She bought the very last 'Survival Kit: Upgraded Version'. Got a bargain on it if I may say so. Let me see, she activated her "Hobbit Holiday" late on June 21 and her "Home" call came on June 27 and she arrived back….' Borys did a double check on the screen. He tapped the screen, scrolled and tapped. Tapped and scrolled. 'Oh dear.'

'What do you mean, oh dear. That does_ not_ sound good.' Algernon tried to see the screen.

'I am sorry, sir. You need to step back. This is proprietary information.' Borys blocked the screen with his body.

Algernon said, 'And I am a lawyer. Elmyra Pundur has me as her emergency resource and I am entitled to any and all information related to her. Where is she? What is 'oh dear'?'

Borys stalled for time. 'Please sir. I have to talk to someone who knows more about these things than I do. Could you give me your contact info? I really can't answer any questions.'

Algernon knew trouble when he saw it, but he decided there was nothing more he could get right now. 'I will wait until tomorrow morning, then I am pursuing legal action if I do not have answers!' He gave Borys his info and left the store. What on earth had happened to Elmyra?

….

When the man had left the store, Borys called his assistant out onto the floor. 'I will be gone for a while. You're in charge. Without waiting for questions, he raced out the door. TFA headquarters was only three blocks away and he ran all the way. At the main desk, he slid his palm across for security and raced to the fifth floor. It was a bad air day and he was gasping for breath. He burst into his supervisor's office. 'Lila, we have a problem!'

'Borys, what are you doing here? Your store isn't closed! Why didn't you just message me? And stop dripping on the furniture.' She handed him a napkin.

'I didn't want to leave a trail. This is horrible. We've lost a client.' He reached over to her screen and started tapping. 'A couple of months ago, I sent this client out for a week in Hobbiton. Her nephew stopped in today looking for her.' He tapped some more. '_SHE NEVER CAME BACK_. If you look here,' he pointed at the screen, 'you can see she spent the week in Hobbiton, her HOME button activated, but look, her trail continues into the book!'

Lila stared at him. 'We've never lost anyone. What happened?' She reached out and tapped in some commands. 'Leave this with me, Borys. It's going to take the techies to figure it out. Do you remember anything else about her? Anything.'

'I remember her because she got the last of the old model 'Survival Kit: Upgraded Version'. I had to laugh to myself because she seemed such a timid thing, but she really loved that kit. Maybe it's a good thing she has it,' he muttered. 'Let me know what happens. I hope it isn't anything I did.'

'I'll let you know.' She followed him out the door and went up four more floors.

She entered the cave of the tech masters. TFA took a phenomenal amount of tech support to keep it all up and running properly. The ninth floor was where the _really_ smart ones hung out. Lila's taps had alerted them to the potential disaster and the floor was humming with activity. 'What do you know?' she said to the floor master.

'Too soon to say much. It looks like the whole story line got corrupted somehow almost right from the start. This,' she consulted her palm implant, 'Elmyra, seems to have been fine for her paid vacation. However, she never got home and the story has been running ever since. See,' she pointed at a line on the screen, 'you can tell the intensity of the experience. She is nicely green for the first week. There are few spots of orange right after that, bits of the story where experiences are a bit more intense. Then here we have these two red spots…That doesn't make any sense.' She tapped, looking more closely at the screen. 'Those are in Rivendell of all places. Nothing bad ever happens there. Oh no!'

Lila was getting tired of hearing that. 'Now what?'

'She has activated the ABORT button,' the tech paused, 'over a hundred times. First in Rivendell and then during "Stone Giants" and "Goblin King". 'And the RESCUE button, too… How did we miss all this?'

'Shit. She must be desperate by now.' Lila leaned over her shoulder. 'What's this here? It's blood red and lasts for a while.'

The tech checked. That's "Stone Giants" and "Goblin King". Did she have the proper training?'

'Hell no. She went for a week in the Shire. We don't even have the proper releases for these sections. I need to get to the higher ups. This is a disaster. Where is she now?'

'Looks like they spent some extra time at Beorn's, but it appears they are about to head into Mirkwood.' The tech peered more closely at the screen. 'I can't tell what it is, but I think there has been a change in the story! Whatever is going on in there is _not_ good.'

Lila made a drastic decision. 'Isolate that storyline. Cut it off from everything.'

…

Lila went up ten more floors. This was where the power dwelt and she seldom ventured there. The admin desk scanned her palm and told her to wait. When fifteen minutes had passed, she walked down the hall, pounding on doors. This was too urgent to wait for the powers to decide they wanted to be bothered.

Finally, a head popped out of a door. 'What is all this? What do you think you are doing?'

'My name is Lila, I am a shop supervisor from the fifth. Haven't you seen my alerts? There is a major crisis!'

The man smiled condescendingly at her. 'Now, now, I'm sure it's not that bad. Go back to the waiting room and wait until you are called. We should be finished shortly.'

Part of Lila wanted to slap the smirk off his face, part of her wanted to go back and wait and then see him wet his pants when he found out the problem, but the responsible part of her thought of that poor woman in "The Hobbit" who wanted RESCUE so badly. 'We have lost a client. Not for a day but for weeks. She hasn't imprinted the proper forms.' If that didn't get his attention, nothing would.

The man stared at her. 'Someone went out without the proper releases on file? And what do you mean, lost? How can someone be lost? It isn't done.'

What an ass, Lila thought. She quickly filled him in on the info she had. Slowly the superior look faded and gave way to one of fear. 'This will ruin us. You say the emergency contact is a lawyer? We must do damage control. Come with me.' He led her into the room he had popped out of. It was full of suits doing what suits do, she supposed.

The man, Blix, briefed the group on the crisis. They assembled a committee to go back down to the fifth floor. Once there, the techies had little to add to the initial assessment. 'We now know that the Device she has is faulty. It is not receiving or sending proper data between her story and TFA. She gets most of what she needs, but the RESCUE and ABORT buttons will not work. The itinerary is in flux so it changes regularly up until just before an event. That isn't as bad it sounds because apparently she quite familiar with the story. However, we are getting some indications that the safety settings are not functioning properly.'

Blix yelled, 'What the hell does that mean? Not functioning properly? How so?'

The tech took a calming breath. God she hated suits. 'It means that she may be in more danger than she realizes. The 'Not a Scratch' setting may in fact provide no more safety than 'You are Responsible for all Damage'.

Blix's lawsuit radar starting beeping out of control in his head. 'Shut it down. Just shut the storyline down. We can't have this!'

Lila and the tech stared at him. 'We can't do that, sir,' said the tech. 'There might be consequences.'

'Consequences be damned, shut it down.' Blix was in a panic now. His stock might end up worthless!

Lila began calmly tapping on the screen when he uttered his stupid order. 'You can't shut it down. It might injure or even kill Ms. Pundur. I won't allow it.'

'YOU won't allow it? YOU? Who the hell do you think you are?' Blix foamed at the mouth.

'Someone with a conscience. Maybe the last person in this company with one, but I am in charge of this story and it will _not_ be shut down.' Lila tapped one last tap and stood back.

'Then you're fired.' Blix pointed at the tech. 'Shut it down or you can join Ms Righteous on the unemployment line.'

The tech moved slowly to the console and stared at the screen. 'Uh, nope, can't do it,' she said with a little smile. 'Ms Righteous has locked it up pretty good. It'll take days to undo this mess.' She stepped back with grateful nod to Lila.

…..

Calmer and wiser heads prevailed and Blix was sent out on extended leave. Once he was out of the picture, they went over the case with a fine toothed comb. Borys was interrogated and they discovered that not only did Elmyra have a survival kit, she had a TFA 'Survival Kit: Guide Version'. Harvey, the chief investigator briefed the higher ups.

'The fact that she has such a kit is good and bad. It means she has extra quality backup food, a lock pick kit (although why she would know how to use one is anybody's guess) and a thermal bar. There may be other things in it, but we don't have a complete inventory. It should have been dismantled a year ago.'

'We are currently unable to send in a rescue team . The storyline is too unstable to accept Transitions at this time. For whatever reason, it continues to corrupt no matter the safeguards and buffers we have tried to apply externally. We are beginning to detect minor bleed over into other Hobbit vacation lines. Right now we cannot identify specifics, but the data feed is not reading out as it should. My recommendation at this time is that we suspend operations of any and all storylines.'

Like so many times throughout history, his good advice was ignored.

**Hope you enjoyed the journey back to Chicago. The lawyers are going to be very busy...**


	11. Parting Ways

They left Beorn the next day. Thorin watched jealously as Elmyra hugged the big man and kissed him goodbye. It even looked like there were tears in her eyes. They seemed to have grown very close he thought. Oh well, she would be with him now and _only_ him.

Elmyra waved sadly at Beorn as she walked away. If it hadn't been for the hope of getting home at the end of the journey, she would have tried to stay. Thorin might not have allowed it, but she thought Beorn would have won that argument.

As they walked along, Elmyra noticed Fili. He was avoiding any and all contact with her, but she noticed that he seemed very withdrawn from everyone. His cut lip was mostly healed. She caught up with Balin and asked, 'How is Fili? I know I didn't want anything to do with him, but I can't help but notice the change. He seems so sad, so different.'

Balin glanced at her and kept walking. 'He is struggling, even with the meditations. I hate to mention it, but I think if you could find it in your heart to forgive him, it would help immeasurably. His guilt is a heavy burden.'

'Have him come to me at the next break. Alone if you think he can handle it.'

…..

Elmyra had finished lunch when Fili walked over. 'Balin said you wanted to talk to me?'

'Sit down Fili. I know the last time we talked it didn't go well, but that was then. It has been a few days and I have reconsidered. If you still want it, you have my forgiveness for your behavior.' She stated it very simply and frankly.

His face lit with joy. 'Oh, Elmyra, thank you! It means so much to hear you say that! I really was an idiot and I didn't mean to offend. I am so sorry!' He knelt at her feet and bowed his head. 'If there is every anything I can do for you, you only need to ask. I am in your debt forever.'

Such a little thing she realized. 'Don't let it happen again, Fili with me or anyone else!'

'Never again, I promise!' He went marching back to Kili in a much improved mood and told him the good news.

Peace at least on that front, thought Elmyra. Too bad we have to face Mirkwood.

…

'How do I hate thee, let me count the ways,' thought Elmyra of Mirkwood. 'I hate that Gandalf is gone, I hate that thou are damp and gloomy, I hate that thy giant spiders want to eat us, I hate that Thorin is mostly ignoring me, _again_.' She could go on and on. There was no end to her hatred. Even the dwarves were somewhat repressed by the forest. They only played pranks half the time now instead of constantly. Well, that was a point in Mirkwood's favor.

She spent a lot of her time with Bilbo and Ori. Bilbo because he was usually cheerful, Ori because he still had his puppy love. They tried to sing but the sound seemed muffled. They told stories, but eventually they ran out of those. Then they walked in silence. Elmyra began to see signs of spider webs on about day three. Earlier than the book she noted, later than the movie.

'Make sure you have Sting, er your sword always at hand Bilbo. You never know when you might need it. I keep waiting for something to jump out and pounce.' It was the day after she had spotted the first webbing and it had definitely gotten thicker this morning. "Slavering Spiders" was on the list for the day. It was only a matter of time.

'Do you really think we'll get attacked in here? Gandalf didn't say anything.' Bilbo had great faith in the wizard.

Elmyra was taking her own advice and had her sword in her hand. 'Wizards don't know everything, Bilbo, no matter how they try to make it look like they do. Just be ready for anything.'

…

Thorin, Balin, Dwalin had been leading the Company. When the spiders attacked, it was divided into several groups each faced with its own bevy of eight-legged assailants. Orcrist was in his hand without thought, and Thorin began to hack and stab at the arachnids. He barely had time to look beyond one spider to see how the others were doing before the next one arrived. He tried at one point to see where Elmyra and Bilbo were, but his view was nothing but the hairy legs and bloody corpses of spiders. Yet again, he was failing to protect the most innocent of the Company. He hacked and sliced in rage at the thought.

…

The spiders came on them suddenly out of the treetops. As ready as she had tried to be, Elmyra was not prepared for the gruesome creatures. They had massive mandibles, long hairy legs and bulbous bodies. They dripped goo from their mouths and they reeked of decay. She and Bilbo had been walking and talking when the attack occurred along a narrow portion of the path. A steep ravine on either side of the road made movement treacherous and the spiders had the advantage of leaping above them on the path. The rest of the company was beset by their own monsters, so Bilbo and Elmyra and Ori tackled the nearest one.

Bilbo had been somewhat prepared by Elmyra's words earlier, but nothing can prepare a hobbit for a giant spider attack. Still, he drew his sword, slipped the Ring on his finger and started flailing at the beast. He did his best to always be on the opposite side of a spider. He was less likely to be slashed by the others that way. Elmyra had had her sword out, pretending to want to build arm strength. She knew that in an actual attack she wouldn't be able to draw it from its scabbard. She started chopping at any leg she could reach. Ori had sworn to protect Elmyra from anything and he raced in with his axe to hack whatever he could.

The spider supply was endless. Once one was defeated, it seemed like two more took its place. The battle had been going on for fifteen or more minutes and Elmyra was tiring. She was covered in spider ichor and her grip on her sword was slick. Bilbo was no better off. Ori was in better shape than the other two, but even he was wilting. The rest of the company had been pulled further up the path and a large gap separated the trio. The three started in on what they hoped might be their last spider. The flow did seem to have slowed.

Then disaster struck. Elmyra hacked at the legs, while Bilbo went for the eyes. This had worked very well for them, but this time the spider lurched forward before Elmyra could get out of the way. Bilbo had just driven his sword into its eye and he lost his grip on it. As the spider fell it took Elmyra and the sword over the edge of the road. 'Elmyra! Thorin, Elmyra fell off the road!' His small voice was lost in the chaos of battle. He raced to the edge and a final disaster struck. Two feet from the edge, he caught his foot in a root and he fell, face first onto the ground. His hands flew out, the treacherous Ring popped off his finger and it flew over the drop off after Elmyra.

Ori had slipped in some spider blood and watched helplessly as his Elmyra disappeared over the edge. Before he could get to his feet, an elf appeared and pointed a sword at his neck. 'Don't move dwarf or I will spit you like a boar.'

Ori froze. 'I have to help her,' he cried.

'Silence,' the elf said. 'You'll draw more spiders.'

…..

As Bilbo rolled over to get up, he realized that there was an arrow pointed at his face. The arrow was held by an elf. 'Get up, dwarf. You have caused enough trouble for one day.'

'I'm a hobbit,' Bilbo said automatically.

'I don't care if you are a Warg. Get up. You are a prisoner now.'

Bilbo looked down the road and could see the same scenario playing out with the rest of the company. 'I have to help….' He was cut off.

'You have to get up and shut up.' The elf motioned with the tip of his arrow for Bilbo to join the others.

Bilbo hurried over to Thorin's side. He raced to speak before the elf caught up. 'Thorin, Elmyra fell down the ravine, I don't know where she is!'

Thorin stared in horror at the hobbit. 'What? When?'

'Right before the elves got me. I saw her fall. I couldn't help…' His words were cut off by the elf.

'Didn't I tell you to shut up? No talking' He jabbed Bilbo with the arrow tip.

'We are miss…' Thorin tried to speak.

'How stupid are you? Quiet!'

'But you don't understand, we are missing...'

The elf put his arrow to the base of Thorin's throat. 'You will be missing more if you don't keep quiet. Those spiders are drawn by noise.'

'But', Thorin tried one last time. The arrow dug into his throat enough so that he felt a small trickle of blood. He gave up.

The elves got the dwarves and Bilbo lined up. Thorin, Ori and Bilbo each tried one more time to tell them about Elmyra, but each time, they suffered a little more physical damage. They shut up. Elmyra was left behind as the group was forced to move on.

…

Elmyra fell down the steep slope bouncing off rocks, crashing through branches and tearing apart spider webs. The heavier spider body tumbled down alongside, gradually outdistancing her. When she crashed at the bottom, the spider corpse broke her fall. She had only enough energy to pull herself away from the horror. She curled up under a branch and passed out.

When she awoke again, every inch of her body ached. She had numerous scrapes and bruises but she didn't think anything was broken. So much for "Not a Scratch". She lifted her aching head. The scavengers had been busy. The spider corpse was all but gone. She saw Sting gleaming in the leaf litter. She contemplated whether she wanted to move. She administered a tiny bit of her pain killers. She doubted there was much left. They usually lasted a month or so, but it had been longer than that and they had been heavily in demand. She vaguely wondered where the dwarves were.

She must have slept again because when she opened her eyes, the rest of the spider was gone and the forest was brighter. It appeared a day had passed. The pain had receded and she sat up. Her head still ached where it had hit a rock or two but it wasn't that bad. She stood up and walked over to retrieve Sting. As she bent, she caught another glimpse of gold. It was the Ring, lying on a small patch of moss as if on display in a jeweler's window.

Elmyra picked it up. 'Holy crap,' she thought. This is _definitely_ not in the book. Elmyra Pundur now possessed the One Ring. She got out the Device. It had survived the fall, of course. The damned thing seemed indestructible. Quickly scrolling to the Tolkien library, she looked for "The Fellowship of the Ring". Nothing. There were no "Lord of the Rings" books at all! Instead, there was something called "The Notion Club Papers". Say what? Elmyra knew Tolkien had written a draft or two of something by that name while he worked on LOTR. She had even tried to read it, but it had been a bit of a slog. Certainly no "Lord of the Rings"! Please please _please_ don't make me responsible for the loss of LOTR!

Out of curiosity, she slipped the Ring on her finger. Nope, still not invisible. That was too bad. Being invisible would have been very useful. Knowing it must have slipped off Bilbo's finger somehow, she carefully secured it in a pocket for safekeeping. Bilbo needed to get it back some day!

'Don't panic' and 'now what do I do' were her next thoughts. She consulted "The Hobbit". It was now completely screwed up but it also kindly informed her that the dwarves were prisoners of Thranduil. They must have been taken prisoner before the spiders could bind them since Bilbo couldn't use the Ring to save them. Yet another change. She read on, "They tried to get the elves to search for Elmyra, but they refused to listen." Well that was comforting. At least they _tried_, she thought a bit sarcastically. She continued scrolling and found the map of Mirkwood. It conveniently had a 'You Are Here' feature so she could see which way the Wood Elves' palace lay.

She sat and assessed the situation. She had the food tabs, the thermal bar and the lock picks from the 'Survival Kit: Upgraded Version'. (Someday she was going to kiss Borys if she ever got the chance.) She had the guide on the Device, so now all she needed now was the energy to use it. She ate the last of her real food and downed a food tab. Who knew how long it had been since she last ate? It took her awhile to find a place where the slope was gentle enough to allow her back on the road. She was only on it for a little bit until the Device told her to turn off and follow a narrow path that the elves had made as they took their prisoners back to Thranduil. She took a deep breath and dove into the depths of Mirkwood. Elmyra was on her own.

…..

As she walked, Elmyra had time to think about her situation. Ever since she had gotten stuck here, she had all but refused to acknowledge the facts.

Fact: Her old life had been boring. As much as she liked her job it had become ever more stressful. It shouldn't be with all the automation, but the bureaucrats that ran the place thought they knew how to do the job better than the ones who actually did the work. She hadn't killed any of the managers yet, but it was only a matter of time. Especially now that she knew how to wield a sword!

Fact: Middle Earth sucked in so many ways, but it was a pleasant challenge every day unless something was trying to kill her. She knew everyday life here was much calmer. She had experienced it in Hobbiton. But even there you still had to use your brain to survive. It required a lot of attention and thought! In her apartment everything was more or less at her fingertips. Her job was often linked to her home so she sometimes didn't go out for days on end.

Fact: The dwarves were quite entertaining. She frequently lost patience with their antics, but even when they annoyed her she was almost always smiling at the same time. She hadn't laughed so much in ages. Her main contact was with Ori, Bilbo and Thorin, but she talked occasionally with the others. Elmyra got the feeling that some didn't approve of her or that more likely, they didn't understand her.

Fact: She _really_ liked Thorin Oakenshield. At first she had felt obligated to go along on this trek because of the stupid contract. If they hadn't been so adamant that she signed it, she might have fussed more, but since Balin and Thorin swore she had, it was her duty to go. Had she known she what she was going to face…..well it was too late for those thoughts. _And_ they had made her come along.

Anyway, now that she was two thirds of the way into the journey, Thorin was her driving force. There was something so attractive about him. Power? Leadership? Tragic life? Really handsome? All of them combined made her blood run hot. Would anything ever come of it? She didn't know. Sometimes she got the feeling he liked her too, but Tolkien never touched on anything romantic in "The Hobbit" so she had no hints of what might be possible.

Fact: She was going to do her best to continue with the story, but if she could figure out a way to change it she was going to do so.

Fact: She dreaded the day if and when she Transitioned back. It was hard to remember why she had hated failing to return in the first place. Middle Earth was becoming home now.

Fact: She still hated Mirkwood and almost wished she was already a prisoner of Thranduil!

**So now what? How does she get in the palace? **


	12. Reunited

**Chicago Update**

Lila got the palm implant call at 7 PM. She was wanted at work immediately. The code informed her that it was a Stage Four Alert. She had never seen anything above Stage Two. Not good. Not good at all.

Lila arrived at work to find the techies in full blown panic. She had been transferred up to the ninth floor after she locked the Pundur woman's story line. 'Any one that can do that kind of sabotage should be working for us,' the head of the department had commented.

One of the execs from the nineteenth floor was waiting for her. 'I want to know what is going on and I want to know NOW!' he yelled. His stock price had already sunk ten percent in the last hour.

'Calm down, sir. I just arrived. Let me find out what's happened and I'll brief you as soon as I can.' Lila hated the execs. They had minimal tech skills and only cared about the money side of Tolkien.

The room dedicated to the monitoring of "Bad Hobbit" as it was now called was in chaos. Techs sat at screens tapping and scrolling, scrolling and tapping. Lila grabbed someone. 'What's happening? Why all the fuss?'

The tech stared at her and cringed. 'It all blew up a few hours ago. The Mirkwood segment had been progressing normally when it got to the spider sequence. We haven't figured out exactly what happened, but "The Lord of the Rings" has been compromised.

Lila nearly fainted. The Holy Grail of Tolkien compromised? 'How? What do you mean compromised?'

The tech hung his head in sorrow. 'As in it's gone. Completely gone. All electronic versions of the books have been replaced by something called,' he checked his palm, "The Notion Club Papers". The few clients we have in LOTR these days have been retrieved. Their adventures turned into literary book club meetings. They were_ not_ happy! This is a disaster for Tolkien's work.'

Lila knew he was wrong. 'It's not a disaster for the book, you ass. It's a disaster for TFA! If this isn't corrected, the howls of protest will only get louder. You know there is a hard core of bibliophiles who hate what we are doing. This a perfect reason for them to come after us and shut us down!' The tech gave her enough info for her to inform the exec. He wouldn't need all the science, just the basics.

Lila led the exec over to the main console and brought up the wall display. 'Here is Elmyra's trace. You will remember that it shows her progress and the intensity level.' On the wall was the trace of Elmyra's entire story so far. It started a pleasant green, turned yellow (slapping), then green then orange (Rivendell) again. 'This is where the first major incident occurred.' A section of the trace glowed bright red (goblin cave). 'After this section we saw the first minor changes in the actual eHobbits in people's readers. We locked down the storyline and it seemed to help. No further changes appeared.'

The next section was relaxing green as Elmyra recovered with Beorn. 'This is what happened about an hour ago. The trace went from green, to yellow, to blazing red in a matter of five minutes. This is the spider section of the book. Intense, but it usually goes no more than dark orange. No one gets hurt and the dwarves are saved from starving in Mirkwood.'

'At this point we have no idea what actually happened to any of the characters. We can tell Elmyra is still alive, but something has happened to change "The Lord of the Rings" to nothing. My guess is it involves the Ring, but we can't get that much detail.'

The exec listened carefully, watching as the stock price of TFA continued to fall. 'What can you do? Is the client safe?'

Lila took a deep breath. 'It looks like there is an issue with her personal safety buffers. I will try to reinforce them so they provide the protection she is expecting. Also, we are working to sever this storyline completely from the system. It will run on its own private servers and hopefully be unable to affect our world's literature. Don't worry too much, sir. "The Lord of the Rings" can be reloaded from a hard copy in our library if it doesn't correct in a day or so. Think of all the free publicity we are getting out of this! People who have never picked up a Tolkien eload in their lives will want to know what all the fuss is about. Your stock will regain its losses and then some by the time this is all over!

The exec smiled foolishly at her. 'That's all I needed to know! Thank you for all your help. You add value to TFA!' He turned and walked away, glaring at his palm, waiting for his stock price to rise.

Lila watched him go. Her fingers were sore from having been crossed for such a long time. She only hoped half of what she had said was true.

…

**And Now Back to Middle Earth**

…

Thorin trudged along, cursing his carelessness. Once again he had failed Elmyra and the Company. She should have been right by his side, not lagging behind with Bilbo. However, the Company was trudging along with him while Elmyra was lost and maybe dead. Oh Mahal how he hoped she wasn't dead! His heart thundered in his chest. But if she wasn't dead, she was alone in this miserable forest. How could she survive? It was only then that he realized he thought of her as more than just a responsibility.

When they reached the palace, the dwarves were put two to a cell. Bilbo and Thorin ended up together. Thorin couldn't stop berating himself. 'I failed, Bilbo. I failed her again. What's going to happen to her if she's still alive? You know she isn't the strongest person and she doesn't have any woodland skills.'

Bilbo tried to be upbeat. 'You underestimate her, Thorin. I have always thought there is more to her than we know. She always seems to know what is going to happen. I think she knew those spiders were coming.'

'What do you mean? She didn't say anything to me.' Thorin was somewhat hurt by this.

Bilbo backtracked. 'She only told me to be ready with my sword, that I never knew when I might need it. You dwarves are always ready. And remember how she wanted hers in her hand? It was like she knew she would need it.' He paused. 'Also, she knew about the Ring.' The words left his mouth before he realized that Thorin _still_ didn't know about it.

'Ring, what ring? You never mentioned a ring.'

So Bilbo had to tell Thorin about the Ring. 'Only it doesn't matter, because when I lost Elmyra, I lost the sword and the Ring, too. It was a bad day all round. The amazing thing was that the Ring had no effect on her. When she put it on, I could still see her! Too bad, it might have been useful to her right now. And another thing, Elmyra said something about making sure "Sting" was ready, but I didn't understand. It was only after I stabbed a spider or two that I yelled "_I shall call you Sting!" _Thorin, she already knew its name! There is more to Elmyra than meets the eye. I wouldn't count her out just yet.'

Thorin sighed deeply. 'Well, Bilbo, I hope you are right because otherwise I will never forgive myself.'

…..

They sat in the cell for a few days, stewing over their fate. Thorin was dragged in front of Thranduil once or twice but that ceased after he refused to even speak let alone answer questions. Durin's Day was coming up fast and they were going to miss it.

The guards had just run a cell check when the small amount of light entering the cell dimmed. Bilbo and Thorin looked at the door to see Elmyra standing there! Thorin thought she looked a little worse for wear. Her hair, which had grown quite a bit longer since they had started out, seemed to have collected a few leaves and some twigs. It now looked like squirrels might have been nesting in it.

Before either of them could react, she knelt in front of the door lock and fiddled with it. Suddenly they heard the lock click and she pulled the grill open. 'Bilbo, come here,' she whispered. She motioned the hobbit out with her hand. Bilbo, still too surprised to speak, obeyed. When he stood in front of her, she knelt and again whispered, 'I have two things for you. You were very careless.' She handed Sting to him. He reverently took his little sword. He had never expected to see it again. 'And this,' she handed him the Ring. He gasped. He had definitely never dreamed it would ever be his again!

'Now, use the Ring and search the palace. You need to find the room where the elves push the barrels into the river. It should be somewhere on the lowest levels. When you find it, come back here. Also see if you can find the keys to the cells. It would be faster than these.' She held up two pieces of metal. 'Listen and find out when the next release of barrels is to take place or when Thranduil is having his party. Can you do all that?'

Bilbo nodded. If she had asked him to fight the Goblin King he would have done it. She hugged him tight, kissed him and whispered, 'Good luck and hurry.' He hugged her back, slipped the Ring on and ran off.

Thorin had watched all this in silent amazement. He was still trying to absorb the fact that she was not only alive, but standing in front of his cell.

Elmyra stood and walked into the cell. She put her sword and backpack under the bench along the wall, pulled the door shut behind her until the lock clicked then turned to Thorin and asked nonchalantly, 'Did you miss me?'

It took another second for him to find his voice. 'How, what, where?' and finally, 'Yes, very much.' He stood and gathered her in his arms and hugged her tight. 'I thought you were dead, Little Cat. Bilbo and Ori said you fell with a spider.'

She snaked her arms around him and hugged him back. 'Almost. I just used up one of my nine lives.'

'How did you get into the palace? Bilbo told me the Ring doesn't work on you. You truly are a burglar. I really should have had you sign that contract!' Too late, Thorin realized what he had said.

Her whole body stiffened and she jerked out of his arms. '_Should_ have had me sign the contract?' she hissed. 'You and Balin _both_ swore I had signed it. I thought I was losing my mind! The great Thorin Oakenshield_ lied_?!'

'We really did need a second burglar. I had no faith in Bilbo, he was such a goofy little git. And after the whole slapping incident, we figured you would never sign willingly, so….' His words trailed off as he saw the thunderous look on her face.

'The… only…reason…I… came…was…because…you…told…me…I…had…signed… the… _fucking_ contract! I could be sitting in Bag End, Rivendell, Beorn's house, any place but this stupid cell!' Elmyra shouted.

'It seemed like a good idea at the time. In hindsight, maybe not so much. I'm sor…'

'If you say you're sorry one more time….what is this number five or six? Get it together, dwarf! Why am I the one suffering? I don't deserve this,' she muttered, more to herself than to the dwarf. 'And why did you think I would be a good burglar?'

Sometimes, Thorin thought, her changes of topic make my head swim. 'Look at you. You are in Thranduil's palace in a cell he didn't put you in. How are you _not_ a good burglar?' As she glared at him he added, 'That first night, Gandalf and I both noticed that no one else seemed to see you. I even lost track of you at times, but Gandalf assured me you were still in the room. Then the next morning, Dwalin found you passed out in the pantry. It seemed like a good idea to bring you along. Gandalf thought you needed, even wanted, a little excitement in your life.' Gandalf wasn't there to defend himself; he may as well take the blame.

Elmyra sat on the bench, her head in the hands. 'You're lucky I'm too tired for this right now.' She started to lie down.

Thorin felt terrible. He had never intended to let her know of the deception and certainly not this way. He told himself he would have made sure she signed the contract if she had been conscious! They had needed to get on the road and it seemed easier to bring her along than to wait for her to wake up. 'Do you have a comb?'

Now it was Elmyra's turn to get whiplash from the change in topic. 'A comb? Of course I have a comb. What does that have to do with anything we have talked about in the last three months?'

'I thought I would comb your hair for you. It's not looking its best,' he said diplomatically. 'I think you will find it very soothing.'

She glared at him suspiciously but reached under the bench and got a comb and brush out of her bag. 'Well, if you promise not to pull. I haven't thought about it for a few days.' She turned her back to him, lay down on the bench and flipped her hair out behind her. 'Knock yourself out. I'm going to sleep. If the guards come, cover me with my tunic and shove me in the corner.' She felt his hands begin to massage her temples and drifted off to sleep.

Thorin worked on her hair for over an hour. It really was a mess, he thought. What did she do? Roll in a brush pile? She must have had quite a time. He had a good stack of twigs and leaves when he was finally satisfied. When he was finished, he realized that he had braided her hair without even thinking. He started to undo them because of the significance, but then he stopped. Why not? It was how he felt. He had done one down each side of her face and then he had joined them in the back. He would have to ask her later if it was alright and explain what it meant. He doubted she would understand otherwise. Pulling two gold beads from his pocket, he added them to the end of the braid. He leaned over her head and kissed her lightly on her lips, something he would never have dared if she was awake. She moaned softly and settled more deeply into sleep.

'Poor Little Cat. What have I done to you? And for the umpteenth time, I _am_ sorry. Someday I will make it up to you, I promise.' He sat and stroked her hair while she slept.

….

The guards were coming. Thorin took Elmyra at her word and pushed her head first into the corner, then covered her with her tunic. It was a tan and green today he noticed. It would blend well with the low light level. One of these days he was going to ask her if she could teach him 'technology'. It seemed to have a lot of advantages.

The guards came and delivered two dinners. They shoved the trays through a trap door near the bottom of the main door. 'Chow time, your majesty. And a wee bit for your tiny friend!' They always made stupid comments like that, he thought. Someday…..Someday he would get his revenge. Fortunately, they didn't look too closely at the 'tiny friend' who was snoring contentedly in her corner.

After the guards left the cell area, Thorin tried to wake Elmyra. 'Little Cat, the food is here. You should eat something.' He could barely get a response. She muttered something that he thought was probably fairly rude, pulled at the tunic and went back to sleep. He ate the warm food and left the rest for her.

Not long after, Bilbo popped up. He told Thorin that he was still looking for the barrel room. 'This place is huge; I could spend a week just seeing it one time.' He looked at Elmyra. 'How's she doing?'

'Mad as a wet hen at me, but physically she seems to be fine. Tell the others that she's back will you, especially Ori. I know he was crushed when we lost her. Also warn them to be ready to move at a moment's notice. Apparently she,' he nodded at Elmyra, 'has another one of those plans that we know nothing about in the works.'

'I'll let everyone know. Anything else?'

'No, but keep in touch. Let us know what you discover. And Bilbo, thank you. I have a suspicion I will be in here a very long time if you don't succeed.'

Bilbo nodded shyly and put on the Ring. He disappeared and Thorin thought, 'I will never get used to that.'

**The answer to how she got into the prison unnoticed will be more fully explained in the next chapter!  
**


	13. Surprise, Surprise!

**Congrats to Borys68 and Lea-Mitchell on answering correctly! More details below….**

Claws grabbed, eyes leered, voices howled. Elmyra was back in the cavern and the goblin hands were all over her. Gandalf didn't come and she stood naked in front of the company and the goblins. 'I'm not supposed to be here, I didn't sign the contract!' she cried over and over. The branches of Mirkwood pulled and snagged at her EverCleanClothes. A Spider kicked her down the slope.

Her mumbling woke Thorin out of a doze. She was curled up in a tight ball in the corner. Her eyes moved restlessly under her lids and her hands clenched the tunic. 'No no. Don't, please.'

'Little Cat, wake up. Elmyra, it's just a dream. Little Cat, please.' Thorin stroked her hair but she continued to cry out. Finally, he gathered her in his arms and rocked back and forth with her, humming a tune he remembered from his mother. It took awhile, but eventually she stopped moaning and didn't clench the fabric of his coat so tightly. He kissed her as he had before. She turned towards him and wrapped her arms around him. 'Soft', he heard her whisper. She really did like his velvet.

…

Elmyra slowly woke. She was still so tired. She had not really dared to sleep alone in Mirkwood. When the carrion was gone, she figured she was next on the menu. Once or twice she had found a notch in a tree where she tried to grab a cat nap, but it was too nerve wracking. Now she felt incredibly comfortable. She was warm and something was cradling her. She opened her eyes. The something was Thorin Oakenshield, the dwarf she had despised the last time she saw him. He was holding her in his arms. Damn this was comfortable. She could get used to it.

He felt her wake but was afraid to move until she spoke. 'You can put me down now. I'm awake. Thank you.'

He reluctantly set her beside him on the bench. Giving her a final stealthy hug he said, 'How did you sleep? I hope you feel better.'

He looked so guilty that she took pity on him. 'Fine. I do. Is there any food?'

Thorin pulled the leftovers from under the bench. 'It came a long time ago. I ate the warm stuff and saved the rest for you.' It was mostly cheese and bread with a bare minimum of fruit. The elves didn't starve you, but you weren't going to get fat either he thought.

Elmyra hungrily ate every morsel. 'That was good. When do they come again?'

He laughed. 'In the morning, which I think is about three hours from now. You can probably sleep a little more if you want. 'I'm available,' he smiled, opening his arms.

She looked at him warily. 'Hmm. A guilty dwarf? I might be able to use that. Don't mind if I do.' To his surprise, she slid back over to him, snuggled into his arms and almost immediately fell asleep. He didn't even have a chance to tell her about Bilbo.

…

The next time she woke up, Elmyra was between Thorin and the wall. She assumed he was using his body to hide hers from the guards while he slept. Not as comfortable as before, but not bad. She prodded him gently. 'I need to use the facilities. What are they?' He muttered but didn't wake. She edged from behind him and looked around. Apparently the 'facilities' were a hole in the floor. Yay, no chamber pot! After she finished, she sat on the bench and reviewed events so far.

Mirkwood had been a nightmare. The path that the elves had made was already starting to close over so she had hacked at it endlessly with her sword. The branches caught in her hair and tried to tear her clothes. She kept a constant watch for predators. According to Tolkien, the only worry should be spiders, but that was enough. She barely slept.

While she had walked towards the palace, she had decided that she would try to_ be_ a burglar. She knew she would probably be able to pick the cell door locks. They would just be a basic tumbler style. The class she took had taught her about most locks from the last three hundred years. Tolkien would have had to get pretty fancy to defeat her.

Getting into the palace took some daring. She had remembered how Gandalf had said that only he and Thorin had really noticed her and she was going to have to assume the same would hold true for elves. If it didn't, she was screwed, but it was a gamble she would have to take. Borys had told her also that if she didn't want to interact with the populace, they would ignore her. It had worked everywhere so far except for the damn goblins. She didn't want a repeat of that!

She had scouted the entry gate. It was approached by a narrow bridge over the river. Occasionally, groups of elves crossed in or out. Some were troops and some were apparently hunters. There didn't seem to be too many 'average' elves. She thought the hunters would be easier to blend with. Troops would be more likely to be on alert, and she was dressed now in forest colors. God she loved her EverCleanClothes again! She stood just at the tree line. She was fully visible if anyone looked close enough, but no one did. Good the "ignore the client" effect was working.

After watching for a half day, she decided to make the attempt as dusk fell. A group of hunters came up the road and headed over the bridge. She waited until the last two passed by and then fell in behind. She walked at the same pace and made sure not to make eye contact with anyone. The gate opened, the group entered and she was in Thranduil's palace!

It took her the rest of the night to find the dwarves. She took to watching where troops headed and then went as far as she had seen them go. Then the next would come along and she followed a little further. She assumed that eventually, one of them would take her to the lockup. There were a few false leads. One almost took her into Thranduil's environs, but when they started to climb up rather than down, she backed off. Of all the elves, he would be the most likely to be able to see her she thought. Finally, one of the guards headed down and kept going down. At the end of the descent, she found her dwarves and one hobbit.

Her ruminations were interrupted by distant doors rattling as the guards delivered breakfast. She tried to wake Thorin. He grunted and rolled over. She jabbed him none to gently this time in his ribs. 'Wake up! The guards are coming!' She needed him to run interference for her.

'What? Oh, right.' He snapped awake immediately. She moved to her corner and covered herself up again.

'Well and how is his highness and the jester today?' was the joke this morning. 'That little guy sure is sleepy lately. He didn't escape did he?' Elmyra rolled in the tunic to prove it was occupied. 'Guess not. Here's the daily slop, dwarf. Enjoy.' The trays were shoved in and the guards moved off.

When they were good and gone, Elmyra sat up and headed straight for her tray. There was a warm porridge, half an apple and the usual bread and cheese followed by water from a pitcher kept in the cell. She ate in silence, still rather peeved with 'the dwarf' as she thought of him when she was mad.

Thorin watched as she ate. When she was done he asked, 'How do you like your hair? It was quite tangled, but I think I got it under control.

She lifted her hand to her head. 'Braids?' She got a mirror out of her pack and tried to see herself in the little square. 'It's different. It will keep the hair out of my face, anyway. Thank you.' She liked it, but she didn't want to admit it to the big jerk, not right now anyway.

'There is something you should know before you find out some other unexpected way,' he said, obliquely referring to the noncontract contract.

'What now? There is no dragon, and this is really a beach holiday?' She couldn't contain her sarcasm.

Thorin wrinkled his brow in total confusion. More Elmyraisms, he thought. 'Uh, no. You should know that for dwarves, braiding hair is sometimes more than just grooming. When I braided your hair, I was making a statement about my feelings for you. You may remove them if you wish, Little Cat.' His voice got very quiet with the last sentence. 'But I hope you won't.'

Elmyra raised her hand to her head again and asked quietly, 'What _are_ your feelings, Thorin?'

He reached out and took her hand. 'I am honored to be able to spend this time with you. I find your courage and resourcefulness breathtaking. I thought my heart would break when you were lost.' He took a deep breath. 'And I love you.'

A sensation she had never felt before shivered across her body. It was similar to when he had touched her the first time, only more intense. She thought her heart might stop when he said the words. _So_ not in the book! She thought of all that she had suffered because he had lied. How she had been humiliated in front of him in the goblin cavern and how he had shared it. How she had dragged herself through Mirkwood hoping to find him again. She pulled his hand to her lips and kissed it. 'I am proud to wear your braids. I love you too, Thorin Oakenshield.'

He took her in his arms and his lips found hers. Sharp pangs of desire flooded his body. Never in his life had he felt this way. She was so soft and warm. He buried his hands in her hair and pulled her even closer. All his years of loneliness and want flooded over him. He began to lose control of his emotions.

Elmyra wrapped her arms around him and returned his kisses with growing heat. She broke the embrace, stood and then sat on his lap, straddling him. He kissed her lips and then moved to her neck. She tilted her head back and moaned as he bit her lightly. At some point, his lips touched the collar of her clothing, "POP"! Elmyra pulled back in surprise. 'I thought it was only finger heat that could do that! Lips must work too!' she said with a laugh.

Thorin moved a little lower down and found a spot that was just a bit denser than the rest of the fabric. He paused. "POP" He swallowed and found another spot. "POP" He was a quick learner. In no time he had her top open eight inches. Her heart raced as he buried his face between her breasts. Her skin was soft and smooth like his velvet coat, he thought with a silent laugh. He breathed in her scent and thought he might die. "POP" She pushed her hands into his hair and tugged his head back, leaned down and recaptured his lips. She ran her tongue along his lips encouraging him to open his mouth. He groaned. 'Mahal, I never dreamed it would be like this,' he muttered. He bit lightly on her lips and opened to allow her entry. After a few burning kisses, he moved lower again.

POP, POP,POP in quick succession. He straightened up and looked at his beautiful cat. Her top was open and he could see the swell of her breasts beneath the fabric. He looked into her eyes to see if there was any of the fear he had seen in the goblin cave, but all he saw was desire. Slowly he lifted his hands to her chest and started to spread the fabric apart. She ran her hands up his chest, rested them on his shoulders and leaned towards him urging him on.

Unfortunately at that very moment, they heard the sound of the guards returning. 'Damn it!' Elmyra cried as she lifted her hands off his coat and slapped her top back together. She quickly scrambled off his lap and into the corner. Thorin sat there stunned at the sudden turn of events, trying to calm his racing heart and regain his composure.

'Out your highness, the king wants to see if you have decided to talk yet.' The cell door opened and the guard motioned for Thorin to come out. It took all his strength to pull himself together and act normally. Elmyra had turned him to jelly, he thought. He left, hating Thranduil even more than usual.


	14. Out and About

In the corner, Elmyra's heart thudded wildly in her chest. What a difference a day makes, she thought. Yesterday I wanted to tear his hair out and today I want to….well, there were a lot of things she wanted to do to him right now. Her skin still burned with the feel of his kisses. Had the guards come a little later, they may have gotten a most unexpected look at the "hobbit" and His Majesty!

A few minutes later Elmyra heard Bilbo whisper at the grill. 'Elmyra! I have what you need!'

She leaped off the bench and went to the door. Part of her wondered how long the hobbit had been standing there. Oh well, a little sex education never hurt anybody. 'Bilbo, tell me!'

'There is to be a big party tonight. I found out where the barrels are, and it sounds like they will be putting them in the river tomorrow morning. I even know where the keys are, and I think I can get them!' Bilbo was very proud of his accomplishments.

'Stellar! The king has got Thorin, as I am sure you know. The sooner we get out of here, the better. Can you wait until they bring him back? We need to plan this out.'

'I can wait. When the guards come, I can put the ring on.

Bilbo and Elmyra had it all worked out by the time the guards brought Thorin back. He was in an evil mood. 'How I wish I could get my hands on that elf. Give him to me for just five minutes. I would wipe that smirk off his snooty face,' he growled. 'How dare he question me?' Elmyra let him rant and get it out his of his system. When he finally settled down, he moved over to her and said, 'Now where were we?' He started to reach for her but she backed away.

Nodding at the door she said, 'Bilbo's back. Bilbo?' The hobbit took off the Ring and appeared outside the cell. 'He has all the information we need to get out of here.' She paused. 'Tonight.'

Thorin looked at the two. 'We can get out and be on our way to Lake-town?'

Bilbo nodded excitedly at him. 'Yes, I found everything Elmyra told me to look for. There is to be a great feast tonight that will distract everyone. I also overheard the chief butler tell the chief guard about some new wine that they are going to be drinking. It sounds like it will knock them off their feet and I can get the keys. They will release the barrels in the morning and….'

Thorin interrupted. 'Barrels? What do you mean, barrels?' Bilbo told him about the barrels and how they could use them to get to Lake-town on the river.

'No. I will not be shoved in a barrel and thrown in the river. It is not dignified.' Bilbo stared at him helplessly.

Elmyra laughed. 'And I suppose sitting in a cell at the whim of Thranduil is so much better! Get in a barrel, dwarf, and become a king or rot here. Either way, I'm going with Bilbo.'

Her mocking words angered him, but he also heard the sense in them. And he didn't want her to leave without him. He bowed his head to Bilbo. 'Very well. When does this all occur?' They talked for the next half hour ironing out the details.

Finally, Bilbo said, 'I will go now. After your dinner has been delivered, expect me an hour or two after that. It depends on when I can get the keys.'

'If you can't get them by midnight, Bilbo, come back and I will see what I can do. We mustn't let this opportunity get away from us,' said Elmyra.

'Will do.' With a cheerful wave, he put the Ring on and they heard his footsteps retreat back up the passageway.

Thorin turned to Elmyra. 'You really think this will work? It sounds crazy.'

'It _is_ crazy but it _will_ work. It won't be comfortable, but it will get us all out of here more or less in one piece. We have no other choice. I would be able to get myself out, and Bilbo can leave any time, but the rest of you are stuck. Have faith in Bilbo, Thorin. This will work.'

He took her in his arms. 'I have faith in _you_. Now, where were we?' He started to nuzzle her neck.

'Much as that appeals to me, my love, I think we should wait.' She nipped him gently on his ear.

Thorin kissed her. 'Why? We have a little time before the guards come.'

'And if they come early because of the party? Do you want to get all frustrated again?' She arched one eyebrow and looked at him. She knew how he must have felt earlier. Probably much the way she had.

'Not really, but I also don't want to wait.' He put his lips to her neck. "POP!"

She laughed. 'Stop that. I really would like to finish what we start, but this bench is not the most comfortable place to do what I have in mind for you, Thorin Oakenshield.' She gave him one last lingering kiss and retreated to her corner.

'You are no fun at all,' he sulked.

'Just you wait. I'll give you fun,' she teased.

…..

While they waited, Elmyra pulled out the Device and checked the Tolkien library. She was glad to see that LOTR was listed again as Tolkien's major work now that Bilbo had the Ring back. Thank God. The next event was showing "Bobbing with Barrels". While not too excited to be shoved in a barrel, she also knew it was most likely not life threatening. Horribly uncomfortable, but she would survive. Even though she didn't trust them, she made sure all the safety settings were on "Not a Scratch."

Thorin watched her. 'What are you reading?' To his eyes she had a little book that she was intently poring over.

'It's a little journal that I have been keeping, a reminder of my big adventure.'

'Writing good things about me, I hope.'

'Sometimes yes, sometimes no. It depends on the day of the week and the time of the day,' she said. 'Someday I might show it to you.'

Before Thorin could answer, the guards brought them their dinner. They were so excited about the feast that they didn't even waste time tormenting Thorin. Elmyra and Thorin ate and then waited for Bilbo to appear.

…..

At last the hobbit returned, and he had the keys. Bilbo opened the cell door and let the pair out. As Elmyra reclaimed her pack from under the bench, she noticed her "Lightweight Elven Blade". 'Here Thorin, I would like you to have this. I know Thranduil took Orcrist, and you will put it to better use than I ever will.' She handed him the sword. 'It's not as good, but it's better than nothing.'

Thorin took the sword. He pulled it out and made a few basic moves. 'It's not too bad. Thank you.' He leaned over and kissed her. 'I am glad to have it. I always feel incomplete without a weapon of some sort.'

They spent the next half hour freeing the rest of the company. The cells were scattered around the underground region of the palace, but Bilbo had already located everyone so it went quickly. There was the usual dwarvish grumbling about mistreatment, but they all appeared to be in good condition. Ori nearly cried when he saw the braids in Elmyra's hair. He knew he had never had a chance with her, but the final proof hurt just the same. Balin was more than surprised when he saw them. He didn't say anything, but Thorin recognized the look. He would hear about it later.

Thorin and Elmyra both braced themselves for Fili's reaction, but they were pleasantly surprised by his lack of one. He nodded at Elmyra, embraced Thorin and said, 'Congratulations.' After several days of confinement, he had his meditation skills down pat and it showed. Kili just grinned. The rest either didn't notice or decided to comment later when they could be more boisterous.

They made their way to the barrel room. Elmyra was pleased that the story seemed to be following the book again instead of the movie. Good, that meant there would be no orcs trying to kill them. Bilbo said he would seal each one into a barrel and then they would go in the river when the elves returned. There was the usual griping and complaining, but since Thorin was already in agreement it didn't take too long.

Thorin wanted Elmyra to share a barrel with him if there was one large enough but she declined. 'Who knows how long this will take? I think we would want to kill each other before the end, and I doubt it will be very comfortable with one, let alone two stuffed in together. I would rather our time together be under better circumstances.' She kissed him and winked.

He finally agreed but made sure her barrel was lined with straw and padded as best he could manage. She worried about him, too but he insisted on putting her in first. 'I am used to being battered and bruised. I don't want to see that on you any more than I already have.' He kissed her, made sure there were plenty of air holes in the lid and sealed her in.

Elmyra was luckier than the rest she thought. They were sealed into almost total darkness while she had her Device for company. It not only provided light, but she had music and the Tolkien books for entertainment. Not long after the lid was put on, she heard the elves start to roll the barrels into the river. Her barrel was roughly dumped on its side and it started to spin. She closed her eyes against the motion, determined not to puke in her nice straw. Fortunately, her barrel was relatively close to the trapdoor. A feeling of weightlessness followed by a tremendous SLAP, and then rocking told her she was in the river. She settled in for a cold wet ride.

Over the next day, Elmyra had plenty of time to think. She thought of her old life, seemingly gone forever. She thought of her new life; Thorin loved her. She thought of Tolkien and his stupid book. If it played out according to the written word, her new life would end when Thorin died uselessly on the battlefield. She would be alone. Life sucked. Tolkien sucked. He had always intended to write an adult version of "The Hobbit". He should have wasted less time on "The Notion Club Papers" and gotten down to it! Would it have ended any differently? Probably not. It would just have had a lot more words. Well, if she had any say in the matter, _this _"Hobbit" was going to end differently. All sorts of things had already changed, why not that? She reread the book from "A Warm Welcome" to the end, paying careful attention to points in the story where it could have all gone another way. She found a few things that she filed away for future use. She also noted that the last three chapters were missing, a promising sign. She would write them to suit her own story!

….

Alone in his barrel, Thorin reviewed his actions over the last week. He knew Balin was going to pounce the first time they were alone. He thought about his declaration to Elmyra and could only find happiness in it. He knew it was the right thing for him. If he regained Erebor, that was wonderful. If he lost it, he would survive. If he lost Elmyra, he didn't want to think of what life would be like. Water seeped into his barrel but he was so happy that he would be with her soon that he barely noticed.

Fortunately for all, this version of the barrel escape lasted only part of one day, not the more than two days of the original. Someone must have realized that it would be a waste of valuable vacation time Elmyra thought. The dwarves were in better shape due to the shorter duration and she was just a little stiff. Thorin had done an admirable packing job. She rewarded him with kisses as the Company watched some more cynically than others.

They received a warm welcome from the folk of Lake-town once the populace realized that great riches might again flow their way, and the dwarves settled in to enjoy the comforts of home that had been sadly lacking. Elmyra didn't say anything, but she was horrified by some of their antics. Thorin and Balin never participated, but some of the others were terrible. They broke things, stole things, acted rudely, and were beyond loud. Why did she like them she wondered? They were horrible. However, as long as she didn't have to clean up after them, well, dwarves will be dwarves.


	15. A Visit With Smaug

Balin did indeed pounce on Thorin. 'What were you thinking? Were you only using your little brain?' he pointed in the vicinity of Thorin's crotch. 'You can have any dwarf in Middle Earth and you braid the hair of that harum scarum drunk?' Balin continued to believe that Elmyra had been intoxicated the first day and he had his doubts about the whole elf story, too. She was such a goof.

'And if I _was_ using my little brain? What of it? I love her, she loves me. I am tired of always putting myself second or maybe even third. As for 'any dwarf' I would think one of them would have declared her undying passion by this time in my life. And if they only do it after I am king, what does that say about their character? Right now I have nothing, but Little Cat loves me in spite of it! And you have to admit, she did her part to get us out of prison. We owe Elmyra and Bilbo our freedom!' Thorin retorted angrily.

'You are of the line of Durin! What is she? Human is all we really know, and that is bad enough!' Balin growled.

'Line of crazy you mean. And so what? Fili is my heir and nothing will change that.' Thorin was actually relieved that he didn't have to contemplate the pitter patter of little feet in his future. He never had any patience with children.

'Ah Fili,' Balin tried a different tack. 'He seemed to take it well, but are you sure he can accept this…this relationship?'

Now it was Thorin's turn to growl. 'He either will or he won't, it is up to him. I would imagine plenty of pretty dwarf maids will make themselves available once he is Prince Fili, Heir Apparent. Get him a woman in Lake-town and take the edge off. My father did it for me; you can do it for Fili.'

Balin gaped at him. 'You had a prostitute that your_ father_ provided?' Balin found it hard to believe. It wasn't done in the House of Durin!

'Like Fili, I was making a fool of myself over a female. She would have nothing to do with me, and I was out of control. Thrain took me into Dale one night and set it up. He told me to get it out of my system and then come back and act the prince I was supposed to be.' Thorin stated honestly.

'And did you?'

Thorin laughed. 'Yes. Have you ever known me to misbehave? I think you were in the Ered Luin at the time or you would have noticed. I spent the night with a whore and gained a little perspective. It didn't really meet my expectations. The meditation was a lot easier afterwards. I think it might work for Fili.'

'Then why are you so certain you want to commit to that woman?' He couldn't bear to name her.

Thorin glared at the insult. 'Because Little Cat is no whore and the feelings I have for her are different from any I have ever had before. I will not change my mind, Balin. Accept her or stay in Lake-town. There is no room for your dislike in the Company.'

Balin stared. 'You would have me stay behind? After all our years together? She means that much to you?'

'Yes, yes, and yes. I mean it,Balin. Accept her or at least pretend to _and_ treat her as you would my wife, or stay here.' Thorin was firm.

'Wife? You mean to marry her?' Balin tried not to let his voice squeak.

'Not yet, no. Only if I regain Erebor and only if she will accept me. She is not like any other female, Balin. I could see her refusing marriage. But she will stay with me as long as she wants.'

…..

In hindsight, Fili should never have taken the room next to Thorin's. He and Kili always tried to stay as close to him as possible, but in this case… The noise started after midnight. For once, Fili had retired early. He wanted to meditate and his throat was a little raw probably due to the soaking he had gotten in the river.

At first it was just the murmur of voices. The walls of the house were well built. Then he could tell it was Elmyra in the other room with Thorin. She was laughing at something Thorin said. Then silence. More laughing. The creaking of bed ropes. 'Meditate, meditate,' he muttered.

Fili contemplated leaving but the noise seemed to have stopped. Then he heard it. "POP, POP, POP." He recognized the sound from the goblin cavern and all the visions he had been suppressing rose once again in his mind. Giggling, and then the low voice of his uncle. Fili groaned in frustration. He managed to hold out for another few minutes and then raced to find Balin. He just missed the joyous yell of dwarven triumph from the room next door.

…..

Elmyra woke in Thorin's arms. She stretched in pleasure. He had finally made love to her and it had been even better than she had hoped. For someone who had only been with a woman one time before or so he said, Thorin had known just what to do. Slipping out of the bed without waking him, she scooped her clothes off the floor and quickly dressed. She quietly closed the door once she was in the hall and almost got run over by Bombur.

'Good morning, Elmyra. How are you?' Elmyra could hear the wink wink, nudge nudge in his voice. Thorin _had_ been rather loud that first time.

No use hiding. 'Most excellent, Bombur. Do you know how I can get some bath water in my room?'

'Two steps ahead of you, my dear. I have water heating in the kitchen. I will have some brought up.' Bombur was married and he knew about females and their baths. 'Don't let Thorin find you in it, or you will never make it to lunch.' He knew about males and baths, too. He winked at her and walked on before she could reply.

Elmyra visited the privy and by the time she made it back to her room, a steaming tub of water stood by the fireplace. Bless that dwarf; he was true to his word. He had even provided a tray of food. She grabbed some of the bread and slipped into the warm water. It was the perfect temperature.

A short time later her door opened and Thorin walked in. 'I thought I might find you here.' He looked over the food and took some of the cheese. He stood by the tub and watched her. 'Your braids are a mess.'

'Hmm. I wonder why. I must have had a restless night.' She grinned up at him. 'You can always redo them. I'm sure I can never replicate the pattern you made.' Thorin had used a complicated nine strand 'She Belongs to Me' style.

He finished his cheese, picked up a chair and sat behind her. 'Lean your head back so your hair is over the edge,' he instructed. He pulled a comb from his pocket and undid the original braid. He slowly combed out her hair, working through a number of tangles that had formed.

'Bombur said I shouldn't let you in while I was in the bath. Why do you suppose that was?' she couldn't resist asking.

'Bombur is a very wise dwarf.' He leaned over and kissed her forehead. 'I imagine he thinks I will not be able to control myself.' He kissed her again. 'And he is right.'

Elmyra loved the way he combed her hair. Long slow strokes from the crown to the ends. When he had it straightened out, he ran his fingers through it and massaged her scalp. Her toes curled in pleasure. As he began to braid, his fingers brushed along her neck and only added to the enjoyment.

'All done,' he said at last.

'That is the saddest thing anyone has said to me in a long time. I could sit here all day while you did that.' Elmyra tilted her head back further so she could see his face. 'Thank you, now give me a kiss.'

Thorin leaned forward and kissed her lips. He slid his hands down to her shoulders and massaged them too. She arched her back in pleasure and he grinned as her breasts broke the surface of the water. He moved his hands even lower and cupped them gently. She moaned in pleasure and reached behind her to grab his hair. 'You're evil, did you know that?' Pulling him forward, her mouth found his.

After a few minutes, Thorin was as wet as Elmyra. Reaching deep into the water, he scooped her up in his arms. Picking up a towel that was draped over a chair he carried her to the bed and laid her down. 'Bombur was right. We will not be making it to lunch,' he said as he proceeded to dry every inch of her off.

…..

They enjoyed a few days in Lake-town. Elmyra hated the thought of leaving. This was the lull before the storm. In a few weeks Thorin would be dead unless she could change the story. She hoped that being with her might have mellowed him a bit. So far, she hadn't come up with any really good way of altering the end. Instead, she did everything she could to make him happy and content. The poor guy deserved that at least. The fact that it made _her_ happy and content too was a nice side effect.

And by following Balin's and Thorin's advice, Fili was happy and content, too.

….

The trip across the Desolation was a big bore, Elmyra thought. It was called "Trekking the Tundra" on the Device. Had anyone actually ever paid for this section? Talk about devotion to Tolkien!

At last they arrived at the mountain. Elmyra sat and watched while they combed the mountain's western flank looking for the hidden door. She had looked on the first day, but knowing it was Bilbo who would find it, she didn't feel the need to make a great investment of time. Instead she reread the next parts of the book and came up with her first really solid idea. She would steal the Arkenstone before Bilbo got to it! Without the Arkenstone, Bilbo would be unable to betray Thorin to Bard and the elves. If _she_ had it, maybe she would be able to convince him to give up the promised share. After all, he already owed her big time for the contract debacle.

With that plan in mind, she was able to appreciate the opening of the door as any good tourist would have. The sun sank down, the moon along with it, the last ray of light struck the rock wall and the keyhole appeared. Bilbo yelled, Thorin thrust the key in and the door opened as the thrush flew away. She sighed at the beauty of it all. Tolkien did get a _few_ things right in the book.

After the door opened, Thorin turned to Bilbo. 'Alright then, now you can earn your share of the gold. Why don't you go down and find out what the situation is? See if Smaug is still in residence and let us know.'

Bilbo looked vaguely uncomfortable. 'I think I have already earned at least a little of my share, but you are right I must go. Who will go with me?'

To everyone's amazement including her own, Elmyra said, 'I will.'

'No, absolutely not, I forbid it!' cried Thorin. He couldn't bear to watch her risk her life with the dragon. Not now.

Elmyra glared at him. 'Isn't this what you wanted from the very start, two burglars to face Smaug? I signed a contract, oh wait, no I didn't. But you intended me to. I will go with Bilbo whether you like it or not.' And I need to find out where that stupid jewel is if I want to save your sorry hide she thought.

Her anger stunned Thorin, but he realized he had dug his own hole on this one. 'Very well but understand that I don't want you to go. Please be careful. Come back to me uncharred. Both of you,' he added in case Bilbo felt left out.

Bilbo and Elmyra set out. She pulled out the Device and activated the light feature. Bilbo stared at it in amazement. 'How do you get a torch out of a book?' To him, the Device still looked like the little manuscript he had seen in Rivendell.

'Magic,' was all she said. They walked in silence for while. 'So Bilbo, do you have any kind of plan when we get to the end of this tunnel? I know you can use the Ring, but what are you going to do?'

Bilbo stammered, 'I-uh never gave it much thought. Honestly I am surprised we made it this far. It's an awful long way from the Shire. It seemed like such a pipe dream back in June.'

She laughed. 'It certainly was.'

'I think I'll just put the Ring on and slip in to see the dragon. Are you really going to come with me?' he asked.

Elmyra knew this first trip would be the easy one. Smaug was asleep until after Bilbo filched the gold cup. 'I will. I want to see what the dragon really looks like. I didn't come all this way to cower with the dwarves and never see Smaug. It may be the only chance I get. I doubt I'll want to try it twice! He can see me after all.' Elmyra wasn't trying the "you're invisible" trick with the dragon. If Gandalf and Thorin could spot her, she bet Smaug could too. With the safety settings questionable, it wasn't worth the risk. Being incinerated was not on her bucket list.

Bilbo was happy to hear that he wouldn't be alone. He didn't like the sound of "this trip" but he supposed it couldn't possibly be the only one. 'Thanks Elmyra. It's nice to have you along. You always seem to know what to do.'

Because I've read the stupid book a million times by now, she thought. 'No problem, Bilbo. Do you realize how brave _you_ really are? Not many people would be willing to face down a dragon, magic ring or no.'

His face lit with a happy smile. 'I never thought I could do the things I have done on this trip, but you're brave too. You helped save the dwarves from the goblins, you fought the spiders, and you walked through Mirkwood by yourself. _And_ you found my Ring!'He still found it hard to believe she had given it back. He would never part with it, never. It was too precious!

His words made her stop in her tracks. He was right. She _had_ found her courage when she needed it like Elrond had said she would. 'Well Bilbo, I guess that means Smaug doesn't stand a chance against the pair of us.' She put her hand on his shoulder and they continued toward the dragon's lair.

…..

The walk was long but easy. At last they arrived at the door to the Treasury where Smaug lurked. 'Don't pick up any of the gold until right before we leave, Bilbo. It might wake the dragon,' Elmyra warned.

Bilbo nodded. 'Right. No gold. What are we doing here then?'

'First to make sure Smaug is here and second well, there isn't a second. I think basically to see if Smaug is here. The rest is up to Thorin and Company.' She didn't add that they didn't have the faintest idea of what to do either.

Elmyra turned the Device off as they neared the doorway. There was no need for it. Smaug gave off enough of a glow to light the cavern and tunnel. In her wildest dreams Elmyra had never imagined the size and extent of Smaug. He lay on a couch of gold and stretched endlessly down the huge Treasury.

She and Bilbo stared for a bit. Elmyra looked into the far corners seeking the glow of the Arkenstone. She thought she spotted it but couldn't be sure. It didn't matter. When Smaug was gone and the room dark, she would be able to identify the location better. At least now she had an idea of the size of the Treasury and how much time to allow to get the stone.

Bilbo put on the Ring and dared to walk a little way into the room. Elmyra took a few steps into the cavern also (mainly for bragging rights) but didn't stray too far from the door. After a few minutes she whispered, 'Let's go back Bilbo, there isn't anything we can do here right now.'

Bilbo heard her and turned back to the tunnel. Elmyra watched as a large, two handled gold cup levitated off the floor and moved towards her. She grabbed it when it reached her position and Bilbo reappeared. They started back up the tunnel sharing the burden of the heavy cup and giggling foolishly over their daring adventure.

**Not too much action in this section. It will get more interesting very soon, I promise. Feel free to review. **


	16. Mithril Gold & Jewels, Oh My!

The dwarves were ecstatic over the gold cup, but Smaug rather resented its loss. He followed the storyline and proceeded to try and incinerate the dwarves still outside. The Company retreated into the dark and cowered from his attacks. Elmyra meticulously stayed out of any real interactions. At this point, she wanted the book to go according to plan. She needed the dragon out and dead so that she could get the Arkenstone.

After Smaug's first assault on the door, Bilbo and Elmyra ventured down to the Treasury another time. This time Bilbo went on alone and she stood back in the tunnel listening as Bilbo had his verbal joust with the dragon and betrayed Lake-town. That was the end of Smaug as long as he sought his revenge as usual.

Elmyra moved even further up the tunnel when she heard Bilbo utter his last sassy comment to the dragon. It almost wasn't far enough. She felt the force of the dragon's breath as Bilbo tried to outrun the flames. Either that or the safety settings were working again. Bilbo was scorched but she only had a rosy glow.

'Are you alright, Bilbo? Let me help you.' Bilbo was mildly burned and grateful for her assistance back up the tunnel to the door. Oin administered to his burns and then Bilbo passed along the information about the weak spot in the dragon's chest armor. Elmyra watched intently as the little thrush flew off. Good. Smaug's fate was still on track.

They spent the rest of the day in pleasant contemplation of what the hoard contained. When Bilbo got increasingly nervous about being outside, Elmyra immediately backed him up. 'Let's go inside. Smaug is smart enough to figure out where this end of the tunnel must be. We can always return in the morning.'

When the others protested, she stood up and helped Bilbo to his feet. 'Come on, Bilbo. You and I will have that much more treasure when these dopes are flash fried.' Without another word, she walked into the tunnel. It wasn't long before the rest of the Company joined the pair.

Soon they heard Smaug beating and smashing the magic door and they were in darkness. Elmyra saw no reason to keep the light of the Device a secret. She pulled it out and turned it on. The dwarves gasped in amazement at this newest sign of magic. Elmyra was glad it was charged by motion rather than the sun because it was going to be a long time before any of them saw any daylight.

The novelty wore off after awhile and they sat around tending to various activities. Thorin redid Elmyra's hair for the umpteenth time. They both enjoyed it. 'I hope to find some more beads in the Treasury to add to the ends. They really need something magnificent.' Elmyra saw Balin frown at these words. What was that all about? They were only beads, weren't they?

'What will you do when you are king? Do you sit on your throne everyday giving orders or what?' She really had no idea.

'A king is responsible for the running of the kingdom. I suppose some of the time is spent sitting on the throne, mainly listening to petitions. I remember Thror had various days when he would listen to complaints or pleas for positions or help that a citizen required. And there is the restoration of the workings of the mountain. Believe me, I will not be idle!' Thorin's voice had a longing in it that she had not heard before.

She thought carefully before the next question. 'How will you keep what you gain? There are only fifteen of us. What if some other group decides they would like Erebor when the dragon is gone? What then?'

'Mine is the sole legitimate claim! Who would dare try to deny me?' Thorin growled.

'Hmm. Gangs of thieves, armies of goblins, any number of folk come to mind. You might need help,' Elmyra hinted.

'My cousin Dain in the Iron Hills would help, I am certain.'

'I thought he refused help for this venture when you first started out?' Elmyra was a bit shaky on this point, but she thought it had been mentioned before.

Thorin frowned. 'Yes, but that was when the idea was to seize the mountain by force. If we regain it first, I am sure he would come. For a reward, of course.'

'What about the men of Lake-town? Wouldn't they help? For a reward?' She carefully planted a tiny seed.

Thorin didn't bite. 'I prefer to keep these matters among dwarves. Outsiders will be unnecessary.'

'I hope you're right,' she said.

….

The next time they settled in for the 'night' Elmyra was ready. She waited until everyone was asleep. There would be no guard. After all who else would be in the tunnel? She made sure that she had a spot at the edge of the group nearest to the Treasury. The snoring had become quite thunderous when she finally made her move. Slowly standing and being careful not to step on anyone, she made her way further down the tunnel. It was pitch black but she didn't want to use a light too soon. She trailed her hand along the wall for guidance.

When she judged that she was far enough away, she dared to turn on the Device. Holding it close to her chest, she allowed as little light to shine as possible to guide her way. Even with that small amount, her progress was much quicker and after awhile she reached the door to the room of gold. She stood just inside the entrance and turned out the light. It was pitch black without Smaug. In a few moments, her eyes adjusted back to the total darkness. When she opened them, she could see nothing until she looked into the far corner mentioned in the book. She could see a faint glow that she started to walk towards.

Turning the Device to full brightness, she made decent progress. The footing was treacherous at times due to the gold coins, jewels and other treasures scattered underfoot, but sometimes there were areas that were relatively bare and she could pick up her pace. It was hard not to get distracted by all the beauty that filled the room. Elmyra had always been a magpie attracted to bright shiny objects. Here jewels sparkled and reflected the light and drew her attention. 'Stop it!' she told herself. There would be other times to look at all the pretty 'common' jewels. Her goal was none other than the Arkenstone not these minor baubles.

Bats, disturbed by her presence and the unexpectedly bright light, swirled and skittered around the cavern. Finally she reached the hill of gold where the glow originated. The pile was tall. She clipped the Device to her clothes and crawled on all fours to reach the top, but it was worth it. Nestled at the very peak was the Arkenstone. Tolkien hadn't done it justice. It was the size of a large orange, oval in shape and it flashed and shone with all the colors of the rainbow. She picked it up reverently and gazed into its depths. Thorin would kill for it she knew. Bilbo was lucky Tolkien hadn't been too bloodthirsty because here was the perfect excuse to kill a hobbit…or a woman.

She hadn't brought her backpack and it was too big to slip easily into one of her pockets so she carried it in her hands. In some of the more slippery spots she had to use only one hand, but the stone was almost too big for that and she had to slow down. After she had dropped it for the second time and knowing that she would have to hide its glimmer once she reached the tunnel, she unfastened her top and stuck it down between her breasts. The EverCleanClothes molded to it and held it in place.

It had taken longer to make the trip than she had planned. By the time she reached the mouth of the tunnel, three hours had passed. When she got back to the dwarves, another half hour had elapsed. Now came the tricky part. She needed to hide the Arkenstone in her pack that she had left along the tunnel wall. She felt her way over to it and picked it up. Luckily, the dwarves were still in fine voice tonight. Their snores covered the few noises she made. Taking the pack further back down the tunnel she opened it, unfastened her top, and leaning as close to the bag as she could, dropped the stone in. A small flash of light was the only evidence of her crime.

She almost wet herself when a voice said, 'What are you up to, Elmyra?' She turned to find what she assumed was a dwarf standing behind her. The bag was closed, the glow gone.

'Is that you, Nori,' she stammered. He had a very distinctive voice. 'I- uh-I had to pee. I thought I would get a little way down the tunnel for some privacy. What are _you_ doing here?' A good offense is usually a good defense she thought.

'Same thing,' Nori lied. He cursed Elmyra. He had been about to sneak down to the Treasury to case the joint and find out if there was any one place he should pay particular attention to when the group finally ventured down. He was willing to face the possibility of a dragon for the swag that was going to be available. 'What was that light?'

'Light? I didn't use the light. It must have been static electricity. Do you know what that is?' she improvised.

Nori, never one to admit ignorance fell for the bait. 'Oh, yeah, you're right. That must have been it.' What was static whatever she said? His guilty conscience would not let him ask any more questions. 'Are you about finished?' he added.

Elmyra nodded then realized it was still pitch black. 'I was just about to return. I'll get out of your way. You might want to stay on the other side of the tunnel,' she said. 'I used this side.' She moved past him and worked her way back to the group. She assumed Nori was up to no good, but as long as she had the Arkenstone she didn't care. When she got within range of the snoring she flashed the Device, figured out where she belonged and settled back in for the rest of the "night". 'Now I guess I really am a burglar,' she thought as she drifted off to sleep.

….

After what seemed like ages, Thorin decided they would venture down to see if Smaug was gone with Bilbo leading the way. Of course by then Smaug was just so much fish food Elmyra knew, but without proof she didn't say anything. This was the part where Bilbo would have found and taken the Arkenstone, but now it was nestled snuggly in Elmyra's backpack.

They walked to the Treasury guided by the Device light. Once there Bilbo set out with Elmyra to make sure Smaug was absent. Without the Arkenstone as lure, they wandered aimlessly admiring the great wealth piled around them. 'I never dreamed they had so much gold!' Bilbo exclaimed. 'Do you really think I am to get one fifteenth? Where would I put it all? Bag End is not that big!'

'Well, I am certain Thorin meant it when he said it, but logistics seem to point to a smaller, more manageable amount. I doubt either one of us will ever be poor again, Bilbo,' Elmyra assured him.

When Bilbo was satisfied that the dragon was gone, they walked back to the dwarves. 'Smaug is not in residence,' he told Thorin. 'It may or may not be permanent, but he is not here now.'

Eager to see the treasure, torches were lit and the dwarves entered the Treasury. Soon they were scattered across the expanse of the room, picking up treasure only to discard it when something better caught the eye. Thorin presented Bilbo with the _mithril_ coat. It was a work of art. 'I don't suppose you have one in my size?' Elmyra joked.

'No, that is the only one I'm sure. I have something else in mind for you, my dear. I only hope I can find it.' With those mysterious words, he wandered off.

Elmyra helped Bilbo put on the coat. 'It's beautiful, Bilbo. It will do good service.' She noticed the other dwarves were arraying themselves in armor not far away. Wandering over, she picked up a few shirts of various sizes. She noted they were all much heavier than Bilbo's.

Dwalin watched her and finally came over. 'Are you in the market for some protection, Elmyra?'

'It might not be a bad idea. I seem to attract bad things. However, these are so heavy they might be worse than nothing. I couldn't walk with this one on!' She hoisted a shirt in both hands with difficulty.

Dwalin surveyed the area. 'Here, try this one. Some shirts are worse than others. You won't get as much protection, but you will be able to carry it.' He loved armor and even though he didn't believe Elmyra would ever use it, it pleased him that she at least showed an interest. 'It was probably meant for a young human just getting started in training. A dwarf's would have been much broader and heavier.'

It was silver grey and made of closely woven, very small rings. Elmyra slipped it over her head. It slithered around her shoulder and came to rest just above her knees. She lifted her arms, moved and walked around. 'Not bad, not bad at all. I'll take it!' She smiled at Dwalin. 'Thank you.'

'Why don't you find something to replace your sword? I have a nice selection of daggers that might work better for you.' Dwalin was getting into the salesman's role. He picked up several wicked looking knives and laid them out at her feet. 'This one is rather impressive.' He motioned to one that was about eight inches long, very thin and sharp.

Elmyra took it and did some of the moves she had been taught with a sword.

Dwalin laughed. 'The dagger is not a sword. With this, you hope that you are in a position for stabbing or slicing. If your opponent has a sword you will either be very lucky or very dead. However, it is better than nothing.' He gave her the sheath that held it. 'Here is a belt that might work with it, too.'

She took them and added them to her growing pile. 'How do you ever carry all the things that you need, Dwalin? It must get tiring after awhile.'

'Dwarves never tire. We were born for a heavy load.' Almost as if to prove the point, he easily picked up his own huge pile of armor and wandered back to the others.

After trying on the various bits of gear, Elmyra turned back to the jewels that tempted her at every turn. She had amassed a pile of pretty magpie fodder when Thorin came over. 'I have something that will make you even happier,' he said. 'Put out your hands.' When she did, he dropped a glittering pile of _mithril _and gems into them.

She looked at it and then suspended a glorious necklace in the air. It flashed and sparkled in the light. Blue sapphires, green emeralds, white diamonds and seemingly countless other stones tried to outshine one another. 'It's beautiful, but I could never wear anything so heavy!'

'Not true. Let me show you.' He took the necklace back and put it around her neck. He fastened the clasp and arranged it across her chest wishing her skin was bare. 'The ancient dwarves developed an art that they used to make even the heaviest adornment feel feather light. One of the Silmarils was mounted in one called the Nauglamir.' He stood back and looked at Elmyra. 'How's that feel?' he asked.

Elmyra turned her head one way and then the other. 'It's amazing! I barely know it's there and yet I know it must weigh several pounds.' She looked down at it. The necklace resembled a vine laden with flowers and leaves in a complicated twining pattern. 'Look, there's even a bee hovering on this side!' She pointed to a little winged insect. 'It's lovely, Thorin.'

'I want you to have it. I can think of no better neck for it to grace.' He kissed her gently. 'It has been hidden from the world for far too long.'

'But it must be one of the treasures of Erebor. I don't feel worthy of it.' Elmyra was stunned by the gift.

'You are my treasure, Elmyra. This is just a collection of stones and metal. Pretty, but just things all the same. You make me feel alive, really alive for the first time in my life. This is only the start of what I want to give you.' Thorin thought he would give her the world if it was in his power.

'Thank you. I'm flattered to say the least.' She hesitated. She had intended to keep it as bait for later, but… 'There is something I want to give you. No, return it to you is a better term.' She moved over to her backpack and opened it. Thorin watched curiously as she dug into the bag. 'I should have done it before, but I wanted to wait for the right time. There is no better time than now.' Her hand came up encircling the Arkenstone. 'I found this on one of the trips I made.' She didn't tell him exactly which trip.

Thorin's heart burst with joy when she placed the longed for jewel in his hands. 'I can't believe you found it! I have waited more than half my life to see it again!' He had kept his eyes open since entering the Treasury hoping to see its gleam and now he was holding it. 'How can I ever repay you, burglar? One fifteenth is not enough!'

Elmyra smiled. 'Don't worry, I'll think of something.' She wrapped her arms around him. 'I love you, Thorin Oakenshield. I would do anything I can to make you happy. Remember that.'

Thorin eagerly showed the stone to anyone that came near. 'One of our main goals has been achieved! Even if Smaug returns and evicts us, I have the Arkenstone thanks to Little Cat!' The dwarves all admired it. Only a few had ever seen it before but it was a legend to all.

Balin noticed the necklace Elmyra was wearing. It too was a legendary part of Erebor's history. It was another sign of Thorin's devotion. He shook his head and realized that he was truly defeated. She wasn't going anywhere no matter what he did or said.

**So he already has the Arkenstone. Now what?**


	17. Hiking Is For The Birds

Finally they moved out. Thorin led the way declaring, '_Not in a thousand years shall I forget the ways of this place.'_ Up and up they climbed through the mountain. He had returned the "Lightweight Elven Blade" to Elmyra after replacing it with a fine dwarf-made one from the Treasury. 'Thank you, my dear, but you should take this back. I appreciate the thought.'

'Crap,' Elmyra thought, 'now I have to carry the stupid thing again.' With the mail, sword, dagger and backpack she felt like a pack mule.

When they passed through Thror's chamber, the devastation was palpable. Skulls and bones littered the floor. It was heartbreaking. The long trek to the Front Gate had been exhausting but she knew worse was to come. She was tempted to tell Thorin to leave her while he and the Company did the five hours out and back to talk with birds, but she decided it would be too lonely and creepy to spend the night alone in the mountain. She did ditch all the extra gear behind a rock near the entrance. It would have been taking preparedness too far to haul it all out and back when she knew it wouldn't be needed.

The hike was brutal. Why on earth did they go so far? It wasn't even the five hours mentioned in the book, but two was bad enough. Her legs ached from the rough ground and it was cold! Thankfully she had gloves now from Lake-town. Without them her hands would have been frozen. The EverCleanClothes again proved their worth. She was cold but like her hands, not frozen. If Elmyra ever got back she was going to buy as much of their stock as she could afford and become their spokeswoman. Even after months of wear the outfit was in great condition.

At last they reached the watchtower and settled in for the night. Elmyra was in no mood to be nice to anyone. She was cold and tired. She even snapped at poor Ori when he asked how she was. 'I am miserable. I can't believe we are going to have to hike back on that Hell path again tomorrow,' she ranted. When she saw him cringe she quickly apologized. 'Oh Ori, don't mind me. This was just a little more (understatement of her life) than I expected today. I'm sorry I snapped at you.'

Ori basked in any attention he got from his goddess, even mean words. 'That is alright. It was a lot for one day. How do you know we are going back tomorrow? I didn't hear that.'

'Take it from me; we will be going back tomorrow. It's in the book.' Lately she had gotten in the habit of mentioning the book more and more. It didn't seem to matter anymore. As the dreaded final day drew nearer, nothing did. Ori look confused, and he wandered away without trying to cheer her up any further.

After Ori it was Thorin's turn. 'Well my dear, how are you tonight?' he asked innocently enough.

'I ache. I'm hungry. I'm cold. I want to go home.' She hadn't said that much since her long ago promise to herself in Rivendell. 'Why did we have to come all this way just to talk to the stupid birds? Don't they ever come to the Gate?' she groused.

Thorin had been used to such a hard life that he hadn't realized how difficult this might be on Bilbo and Elmyra. He took her hands in his. He took off the gloves and rubbed her icy hands. 'Your hands are freezing! Why didn't you say something?'

'What good would it have done? There was nowhere to build a fire and you were intent on getting here to hide from the dragon.' That was the most infuriating part. The stupid dragon was dead but they would never believe it coming from her. 'Besides it's just my hands. The rest of me is okay.' She hated the whine in her voice, but she couldn't help it.

He gathered her close and wrapped his coat around her. He was covered in mail and armor, and it was not the most comfortable embrace. She was tempted to shove him away out of frustration but she didn't. Who knew how many more times they would be together? Tired, angry tears leaked out of her eyes.

Thorin didn't bother to ask how she knew about the birds that used to talk with the dwarves. He had asked before when she made her odd pronouncements, but she never answered in any way he understood. He had noticed flocks in the distance and hoped that at some point he would be able to make contact with the ravens. 'After we leave here, I promise you won't have to hike anywhere for a very long time. Why don't you try and rest? I'll let you know if anything interesting happens.' He stroked her hair. 'I can braid your hair if you like.' It had become a favorite activity for both of them.

'I'm too tired to sit up for that. Can you take some of this metal off and hold me? Nothing is going to happen before morning.' Her head drooped against her chest. He could tell she was uncomfortable.

Instead he stood up and got his bedroll. Adding it to hers and covering it with his coat, he made a pad for her to sleep on. 'I think this will be better for you. You need to stretch out and lie flat.' He helped her move over and then covered her with her tunic. Almost before he could stand, she was fast asleep.

…..

When Elmyra woke in the morning she could barely move. Every muscle screamed when she tried. Her calves took turns going into painful spasms. Her neck felt like it was made of stone and it was hard for her to move her head. Her painkillers long gone, she finally forced herself to a sitting position. She could hear excited voices outside and assumed that the ravens had come to visit. By inches she managed to get to her feet and stagger to the door. From the angry look on Thorin's face she thought he probably had the news about the advancing armies. She had wanted to be there when the ravens told their tales but it was too late for that now.

'They think they can steal my inheritance!' Thorin raged. 'We will not give them the opportunity. Hurry, we must get back to the Gate and prepare for any invaders!' Without even looking towards Elmyra, Thorin turned to begin the return to the mountain.

Elmyra tottered back to the bedrolls and did her best to roll them up. Ori came in to gather Thorin's things. 'Do you need any help, Elmyra?' He thought she look pale and gray this morning.

'I don't know how I will be able to hike back again today, Ori. I have nothing left. It is all I can do just to stand up.' She hated to complain and fuss, but it was the truth.

'I'll take your pack and bedroll for you. That will help a little and I'll stay close in case you need anything else.' Ori's puppy love had faded some but he still liked to assist whenever he could.

Elmyra grunted with the effort of moving. 'Thank you. That will be good.' She handed him her pack and tried to stretch some of her aching muscles. It just set off a new series of painful spasms. She bit her lip to keep from crying out and causing Ori any more worries.

The dwarf picked up all the excess baggage and headed out the door. 'Thorin is moving out immediately. I'll meet you outside.'

Elmyra tried to nod but her neck was so stiff it was barely noticeable. She did manage to get to the privy before the Company set out at a brisk pace. Her battle was lost before it even began. For every five steps the dwarves took, Elmyra took one or two. Ori and Bilbo stayed with her for awhile but they got distracted talking about their own trials and tribulations. Ori was always the youngest, and Bilbo was always the smallest in the Company.

At first Elmyra didn't notice they were gone. She kept her eyes focused on the ground so she could keep her feet off the bigger stones that might cause her to lose her balance. It was only when she reached a part of the trail that was a little high for her to jump down that she painfully raised her head to call to the other two to give her a hand. There was no one near. In the distance she could see the main party far ahead. Bilbo and Ori were closer but still a long way away. She really wanted to sit and cry but knew it wouldn't do her any good.

She slowly lowered herself to the ground and skittered down the steep slope. The pain was less now only because she had grown numb to it. 'One step more. One step more. One step more.' She slogged painfully behind the forgetful dwarves.

…

No one noticed her absence until they reached the Front Gate. Thorin and Dori immediately began discussing the options for blocking it, and Dwalin and Balin started planning a defense. Ori set down his gear and noticed Elmyra's backpack. He suddenly realized that he hadn't even asked her if she needed help. He looked to see where she was and discovered that she was nowhere to be found.

Fili saw the look of fear on Ori's face and did his best to hide his smile. Little Ori was always afraid of something. 'What's the matter now, Ori? Forget something? It is a long hike back!' he joked. He was shocked by the reply.

'Oh Fili, yes! I lost Elmyra! She said she was really stiff and I promised to help her but I must have walked too fast with Bilbo and we left her behind and now I don't know where she is and Thorin is going to kill me what should I do?' His words ran all together and were hard to understand.

Fili heard enough to figure it out. Not again! They had left that poor woman behind again? She _would_ kill Thorin, thought Fili if anyone was to die. He saw Thorin deep in conversation about the defenses and came to a decision. After "The Incident" as he had come to think of it, he had reached the conclusion that he needed to grow up a bit more and now that he really was the heir to a kingdom, he would act like one. 'I'll take care of it Ori, leave it to me.' He called to his brother. 'Kili we're not done hiking today!' He briefed him on the need to help Elmyra and they set out back up the trail.

….

Two hours after she started, Elmyra quit. She could no longer lift her feet over the rocks on the path. A smooth even surface would have been hard; this was impossible. Knowing that someone would come eventually, she found a relatively smooth spot to sit and wait. An hour later she saw two figures in the distance. As they drew closer she saw that it was Fili and Kili of all dwarves! Finally they came up to where she sat. 'My heroes! At least I hope you came looking for me!' she teased. She was dead tired but that didn't mean she was completely defeated. Almost, but not quite.

Fili spoke first. 'I'm so sorry, Elmyra. Ori didn't even notice you weren't keeping up. He feels really guilty about it! Can you walk at all?'

'No. Not one step further. I kept going as long as I could.' She didn't state the obvious that one of the two would have to carry her.

'Very well, I'll give you a piggy back ride. Kili, help her up onto my back.' Fili turned his back to Elmyra and bent over slightly. He was almost as tall as she.

Kili grinned at Elmyra. 'At your service.' He cupped his hands near his brother's legs. He knew Fili's history with her and relished his brother's potential discomfort.

Elmyra dragged herself to her feet slowly, groaning inwardly at the pain which had returned full force once she moved. She tottered over to Kili and struggled to lift her foot. Kili noticed and lowered his hands until they were near the ground and slid them under her foot. 'You really are in a sorry state; how did you ever make it this far?' His admiration for her endurance grew exponentially. Her behavior was almost dwarven.

'Sheer stubbornness and the desire to cleave your uncle's head with an axe. He never even spoke to me this morning to find out if I could make the return journey. Did he send you?'

Kili blushed. 'Um, I'm not sure he even noticed you hadn't arrived. Ori told Fili, but Thorin was busy planning a wall across the gate so we came to get you.' Thorin was going to be in hot water tonight!

Elmyra didn't bother to comment. She would save her words for the ears that deserved them. She finally managed to get her foot into the proffered hands and Kili lifted her up on Fili's back. She cried out in pain but muffled it after the first one. 'All set?' Fili asked. Elmyra was clenching her teeth against another moan and only nodded her head. 'I'll try to walk as smoothly as I can. It's only about another forty-five minutes to the Gate.' He started walking back.

It was a nightmare for Elmyra. Fili did try but the ground was so uneven that he couldn't stop all the jostling. She didn't complain but he heard her grunt with pain with the harder jolts. They arrived back at the Front Gate by mid afternoon. Ori ran up immediately. 'I'm so sorry, Elmyra! I got caught up talking and forgot all about you! Is there anything I can do?

Elmyra didn't answer. She was all but unconscious from the pain. Fili lay her down as gently as he could but she cried out anyway and curled up into a ball. 'What are you doing, Fili, Kili. Stop fooling around and come and help. You haven't done anything all day!' Thorin's angry voice rang out. He had been looking for the pair for almost an hour.

Fili turned on his uncle. 'I haven't done anything? I just spent the last few hours rescuing the woman you claim to love from the trek you didn't even notice she couldn't hope to accomplish.' His face was red with his exertion and anger.

'What? What are you talking about?' Thorin finally noticed Elmyra curled up behind Fili and Kili. It dawned on him that he had not seen or even thought about her since last night. 'Oh Mahal, Elmyra!' He wanted to say 'I'm sorry,' but realized it would only make her angry. He said it so often to the poor creature after he'd done yet another careless thing. He moved and knelt by her side. She was asleep or unconscious. 'Ori, go get Oin, quick!' Balin and Dori had come over to see what the yelling was all about. 'Balin, see if you can find a room with a usable bed in it. Dori, go tell Bombur to start heating water for a bath.'

When Oin arrived he looked Elmyra over. He could find nothing wrong externally. 'Based on what the others have said, Thorin, there is nothing I can do. She has overexerted herself and her muscles are all tight. You can see they spasm on occasion, especially in her legs. Rest and recover is all I can prescribe.'

'There's nothing you can give her to ease the pain?' The guilt was terrible.

'Not really. I didn't bring much along and the salve I had I used on Bilbo's burns. Time is the only thing that will help.' Oin felt rather useless.

'What about a warm bath? I have Bombur heating water.' Thorin needed to do something, anything.

'If you can get her to uncurl, it wouldn't hurt, but you might cause her more pain than you want just getting her into a bath. Let her decide if she wants to try. Don't force her to move too much if she doesn't want to.'

Thorin hadn't touched Elmyra since he knelt down. Now he reached out and stroked her shoulder. 'Little Cat, can you hear me? Can I pick you up?' She didn't respond. 'I can't leave her lay here, Oin, can I?'

'No, the hard ground will do her no good. As painful as it may be, you'll have to move her. You can wait until Balin comes back and tells you if he has found a bed for her.'

A few minutes later Balin returned. 'I have a room not far away. It was part of the guard complex. There is a bed there that will serve.'

Thorin looked at Elmyra. 'I'm afraid to pick her up. She looks so rigid. No matter what I do it's going to hurt.'

'Let's roll her onto a blanket and two of us can carry her,' suggested Oin. 'It will support her weight more evenly.' Elmyra only moaned softly as they hoisted her in the blanket. The bed Balin had found had probably been for one of the sergeants of the guard. Thorin thought it looked comfortable enough. Even after all this time the feathers still had some loft. They gently laid Elmyra down on it with the blanket. Bombur had located a bath and brought it to the room.

'I can have the water in a little bit if you want to try this, Thorin,' he said.

Thorin hesitated. 'I don't know how I would get her clothes off. Oin said it would cause a lot of pain.'

'Don't take them off. Put her in the bath with them on. Her muscles won't know the difference,' Bombur suggested.

Thorin was stunned by the simplicity of the idea. 'That would work! Bless you Bombur. Bring the water when it's hot enough. I'll stay here with her until then. I have some more penance to serve,' he said.

**Perhaps a little exaggerated with the stiffness, but believe me, I have been that sore at times! **


	18. Hope Springs Eternal

The next time she woke was as she was lifted off a bed and carried. She felt herself sinking into deliciously warm water. It started on her back and slowly closed over every part of her. The aching muscles quickly began to relax in the welcome heat. She sighed and began to sink even lower.

'Don't let her head go under!' she heard a voice cry. She cracked open her eyes to see Oin and Bombur standing beside the tub. Someone behind her began supporting her head.

'Does that feel better?' another voice said. She thought it was Thorin. She refused to answer. Make him beg. He's the reason I'm in this condition. The hands began to massage the base of her head and neck. She let her body go completely limp.

'When you're ready to sit up a little bit, I can move to your shoulders and massage them. No hurry, just let me know when you're ready.' Definitely Thorin. She continued to imitate a limp rag. It felt delightful. With the hands supporting her head, she could float in the large tub. The fingers wormed their way around her neck and eased the pain.

She didn't want to forgive him too quickly but it felt so good she wanted to have the same thing happen to her shoulders. She gently put a foot down and pushed herself up a little bit. The hands sensed this and moved down to her shoulders digging gently but firmly into her flesh. She let out a little moan of pain mixed with pleasure.

'I think we are making progress,' she heard Oin comment. 'Keep doing what you're doing Thorin, and she should be better tomorrow. No more hikes!' he admonished.

'We shouldn't have to do any hiking for a good long time,' Thorin promised. 'Maybe never again.'

Elmyra heard rather than saw Bombur and Oin depart. The massaging continued. Thorin moved on to an arm and down to her fingers. Who knew fingers could ache? He started with each finger and worked down each joint. When he finished one, he kissed it and moved on to the next. 'Why am I wearing my clothes in the water?' It finally dawned on her that she was still dressed. Maybe that was why she was so buoyant.

'Oin thought it would be too painful to try and take them off; your muscles were so rigid. Bombur suggested putting you in this way. It was better than leaving you curled up in a ball,' Thorin said softly. He moved over to her other arm and continued his work.

'My compliments to Bombur; that dwarf is a genius. Ouch!' Thorin found a particularly painful spot and pressed a little too hard.

'Sorry.' He kissed the spot and massaged more gently. 'Why didn't you tell me you were in such pain? We could have done something different for you.'

Elmyra slit her eyes open again. 'If you remember, I did. The night before I was all but crying in pain. You didn't even talk to me before you started tromping back. You just appointed Ori as my keeper. What was I supposed to do?'

Thorin finished with her arm. 'Give me a foot.' She pulled one out of the water and he took her boot off. 'You should have screamed bloody murder at Ori and made him come get me. I wasn't _that_ far ahead,' he tried to excuse himself.

'I thought I would loosen up on the walk. It seemed so important for you to hurry that I didn't want to stand in your way. What made you so anxious?' He had started on her foot. She thought she was going to die from pleasure. He had found the sorest spot on her foot and was pressing on it with a circular motion. Not hard enough to really hurt but enough to ease the tension.

'Smaug is dead.' He thought she might have shown at least a little surprise but she didn't.

'And? Why the rush?'

'The ravens said that the elves are headed this way with men from Lake-town to recover the gold. We must be ready when they arrive. I am building a wall across the Gate in defense.' She could hear the angry edge in his voice. He pushed harder on the spot.

'OUCH! Not so hard!' She jerked her foot out of his hand.

'Sorry! It makes me so angry! They have no right to the treasure. Erebor is _mine_!'

She sat up in the tub and looked him straight in the eye. 'Don't you mean: Erebor is the Company's? We all have a stake in this game, Thorin.' He heard the edge in her voice.

'Well, of course the Company has a stake. I mean the _throne_ is mine.' It wasn't what he had meant, but he knew it was what she wanted to hear.

And Elmyra knew he was lying. 'It would please me no end if you would give up this rigid 'it's mine, mine, mine all mine attitude, Thorin. A lot of people have invested time and pain in this venture. I would imagine the people of Lake-town might have complaint or two about you setting a dragon on them.' She settled back into the tub.

'And the elves? They have no claim, especially Thranduil. You know how I despise him!' He ground his teeth in anger.

'True. He's a greedy bastard. But he is coming nonetheless. You will have to try and deal with him in a civilized manner. The two groups may be of some use to you in the end. They are warriors. Who knows who else would like your gold? A goblin or two?'

'Foot.' She lifted the other foot out of the water. 'Goblins? I suppose. That is why we need defenses.' Boot off, he started to massage the arch. She closed her eyes in pleasure. What was it about foot massages?

'Fifteen individuals cannot defend a mountain, Thorin, no matter how brave. Eventually they would starve us out. We will need allies.'

'I have sent for my cousin Dain. He will be here very soon. With his help, we can defend Erebor.' So take _that_ he thought. He had covered all the bases.

'Perhaps. But what if even his army is not enough? And do you really want to go to war with your nearest neighbors? Live under siege? You would always be waiting for the next attack and for what? I've seen the treasury, Thorin. There is more gold in that one room than all four groups put together could ever have a use for. And surely Erebor itself contains even more yet to be mined? And Dain will get a share no matter what happens now that you have called for him to come.'

Damn her logic. 'A dwarf can never have enough gold. And why should I, 'er _we_ share? We did all the hard work!' He caught himself before he gouged into her foot again.

'The men of Lake-town provided us with food and other supplies. They housed us when we could offer nothing but promises. They killed the dragon and suffered his wrath. What has your cousin done so far? In the end, it may be of no more importance than what the men gave willingly. I don't understand such greedy ill will!' She pulled her foot angrily out of his hands and tried to stand. Although her muscles were more relaxed, they still screamed in protest.

'Let me help.' He reached for her.

'Leave me alone. I can do it myself. I don't need you.' She put her hands on the side of the tub and tried again. The grunting was real, the results negligible. She sank back.

Thorin put out his hands. 'Please? You know you need me!' He smiled his most rakish smile.

She slowly reached up and took his hands. He easily pulled her up and helped her step out of the tub.

'See, all you needed was a little assistance to make it.' He smiled.

She smiled back with an evil smirk. 'And you would do well to remember that in the near future yourself, Thorin my dear. Sometimes we _all_ need a little help.'

Thorin looked like he had stepped in a pile of manure. 'Manipulator. Do you want me to help you out of your clothes?'

'Greedy bastard. Yes.' POP. He helped slide the clothes off her shoulders and supported her as she stepped out of the wet garment. He wrapped her in a towel. 'What do you want me to do with this?' He held up the EverClean(now really clean)Clothes.

'Squeeze out the water and drape them over the chair. They'll be dry in no time. Not too close to the fire.' She teetered over to the bed and tried to get in. She managed to sit on it, but could not lift her legs enough to swing them in.

Thorin finished with the clothes and came over to help. 'Lift the covers.' He took her ankles and placed her legs under the sheets. 'Shall I join you? I can finish your massage.' He was having a hard time assessing her mood.

'Only if you promise to behave yourself. I'm in too much pain for anything else.' She wanted him to stay but couldn't bring herself to say it. She was still mad at him forgetting about her.

'Do you really think I have so little control?' He pulled back the covers and started on a leg. 'You aren't completely irresistible.' After he touched her, he realized that it was going to be a very long night. Sometimes he had a big mouth….

…..

In the end, they both had a miserable night. Even with the massage and bath, Elmyra ached and couldn't get comfortable. She had to wake up to switch positions and groaned loudly each time. Thorin got kicked frequently and had to listen to the groaning. Elmyra privately admitted to herself that she exaggerated both.

In the morning, Elmyra felt a little better but not much. 'What can I do?' Thorin asked plaintively. 'I really need to be out front working on the defenses. There isn't much time to spare.'

She looked at him. She knew it would be hopeless to pick a fight over the wall. At this time, he saw it as the only option. 'Bring me some breakfast and find out what the weather is like. If it is a nice day, someone can carry me outside so I can sit in the sun. I'm sick of being in the dark.'

The breakfast was one of Bombur's better efforts, and Thorin said the day was going to be sunny but chilly. 'I have Nori searching out a comfortable chair and blankets. Do you need anything else?'

'See if Ori has any paper and ink to spare. And can you find a table? I have some things I need to write.'

'Your wish is my command. I know I've said it before, but I _am_ sorry Little Cat, for everything.' Thorin kissed her hand and turned to leave. 'I'll be back when everything is ready.'

After he was gone, Elmyra struggled to move around the room trying to loosen her muscles. 'This is what comes from using painkillers all my life. When you never experience real pain, it is a lot worse when you do.' Another blessing and blot from her old life. If she stayed here, she was going to have to get used to the occasional bump, bruise and ache.

…

Eventually Thorin came and carried her out to the Gate where she could watch all the activity. The dwarves were busily hauling and dressing stone that would be used for the wall. It was amazing the amount of work such a small group could accomplish. They seemed to work nonstop.

Elmyra occupied herself writing letters. As the end of the book drew near, she had become more concerned that at some point, TFA would either retrieve her or the Device would Transition her back without notice. As a precaution, she was writing letters to Thorin, explaining what had happened. It was the same letter over and over. She intended to leave a copy each with Bilbo, Ori and Gandalf (if he appeared as expected) and then to hide some others in places that Thorin would eventually look in.

When she had finished, it was still early. She sent Bilbo to bring her backpack outside. 'I may as well do some housecleaning,' she joked. It was a bright sunny day with good light to see everything. Bilbo was happy to have something to do. The dwarves had made it quite clear that he was of no use in wall building.

'Here it is,' he said putting the pack on the table. For all its adventures, it was still in good shape. Bilbo watched as she started taking things out. There was an odd assortment of little tubes and bottles made of materials he had never seen before. He picked up something with a glassy sheen. 'What's this?

Elmyra looked up from her excavation. 'Tooth cleaner. Be careful, I don't have much left.' She took it from him and started rolling it up from the bottom. He watched as the sheen shifted and collected near the top. 'Hold out a finger.' She squeezed a minute amount on the tip. 'Now rub it over your teeth like this.' She pulled her lips back and brushed her finger over them.

Bilbo copied her actions and then widened his eyes in surprise. 'It's all sudsy!'

She laughed. 'Just run your tongue around your mouth a few times. Your teeth will feel nice and clean.'

The hobbit did as instructed. 'Oooh, everything feels like it is new and fresh. I usually use a birch stick and rub that around my teeth. This is much better! Can you get me some?'

His words gave her pause. 'No, Bilbo, when this is gone, there is no more. I will have to learn the stick technique if I am still here.'

'Are you leaving? I thought you and Thorin were….well, you know, attached.'

'We are rather attached, but I may have no choice in the matter. That reminds me.' She reached to the pile of letters on the table and handed him one. 'If you are still here and for some reason I turn up missing, will you give this to Thorin? I have no desire to leave, but like I said, it may not be up to me.'

Bilbo took the letter. On the front was written, "_For Thorin, To Be Opened Only Upon My Disappearance."_ 'Do you really think you will disappear? When and why?'

Elmyra sighed. 'When is only a guess, but I fear if it is to happen that it will be soon. Most likely before you leave to return to the Shire. That is why I want you to have a copy. As for why? Well, I was never supposed to be here this long in the first place. I should have gone to my home right after you finished your dinner with the dwarves all those months ago.'

Bilbo looked puzzled. 'Why don't you stay? I thought you liked it here now.'

'I do like it. I love it here now and I love Thorin. Given a choice I will stay, but I suspect I will have no say in the matter. Make sure he understands that, Bilbo. I had no choice.' She put her head down and went back to cleaning out the bag.

Bilbo continued to watch. More and more interesting things showed up. She took out the "Thermal Bar" and the "Lock Picks". Her brush and comb, Beorn's daughter's dress, some of the gems Thorin had given her. The "Orc Repellent Spray". As she sifted through the detritus of several months use, she noticed a side pocket she had never opened. She remembered Borys' words. '_There are also a few little items too numerous to mention that I will allow_ _you to discover on your journey_.' She dug into the pocket and came up with an entire sheet of old-fashioned pill style painkillers! 'I really should have cleaned house a long time ago, Bilbo. I could have used these yesterday!'

The hobbit didn't comment. What could he say? Almost everything on the table looked strange and alien with the exception of the clothing and grooming items. He continued to watch fascinated as she dug deeper. More small items of unknown origin made their way to the table top.

Finally when she reached the bottom, she found the glorious necklace. When she tried to lift it out, it would not come. She looked more closely and saw that it was snagged on a tab at the bottom of the pack. It took several tries before she could loosen it, and when she gave it a final pull a rigid panel came up with it.

'What on earth is this?' she muttered. She put the necklace on the table and looked back into the bag. The panel had concealed a shallow compartment that ran the length and width of the bottom. Nestled in the space was an even smaller case in a form fitting slot. Elmyra pried out the case and brought it out into the sunlight. Across the top of the case in bright red letters were the words PANIC BUTTON and underneath in smaller letters "Emergency Use By Authorized Personnel Only".

Elmyra was confused. She would never have been "authorized" in any sense of the word. What was this doing in her bag? It must have been a mistake. Further examination revealed an actual paper booklet with instructions. Eagerly she opened it and scanned the contents. It would require additional reading later, but as she read, her excitement grew. TFA was going to regret _this_ error she thought. The PANIC BUTTON just might be her ticket to saving Thorin Oakenshield!

'What's that Elmyra?' Bilbo was more confused than ever. He had seen more strange objects in one afternoon than in months on the road with dwarves, trolls and dragons!

'I'm not sure. It's nothing to worry about. Help me put all this stuff back.' She was eager to get away and examine her new find. Bilbo handed her the various items as she repacked. When she was done, the 'Survival Kit: Upgraded Version' was in much tidier condition _and_ it had revealed what might be a very important secret!

Even though she was anxious to read about the PANIC BUTTON, Elmyra stayed outside to enjoy the sunshine. As much as she loved Thorin, adjusting to the dim environment of Erebor took some getting used to. There was light inside to be sure. She was impressed by their ingenious use of mirrors and light shafts to brighten the interior, but it was not the same as the feel of the sun on skin. A child of the modern world, she did worry about too much solar radiation, but today it felt good on her still sore muscles. She resisted taking one of the newly found painkillers. The supply was limited, and she was going to ration them.

Finally as the sun began to set, she gathered her pack and began hobbling back to the Hall. Thorin came up behind her and relieved her of the bag. 'Let me take that. You still walk like you are made of wood. Do you need a lift?' he offered.

'No, I think it is better that I move around on my own. It will help ease the ache. How is your wall progressing? You have quite a pile of stone already.'

'Another day of collecting and preliminary shaping and we should be ready to start building it. Did you have a productive day? I noticed you and Bilbo spent quite a bit of time together.' Thorin liked the hobbit, but he was jealous of anyone taking too much of Elmyra's time even if he was busy elsewhere.

'He wanted something to do, and I needed a gopher to fetch and carry. I will be sorry to see him go.'

This was the first Thorin had thought about Bilbo leaving. 'Has he said he is leaving? We're not in a position to help him homeward at this time! The situation with Lake-town and the Elves is unresolved!'

'No, he isn't leaving any time soon, but it's inevitable. He misses his home in the Shire and will leave at some point.' There was a note of sadness in her voice.

'What about you, Little Cat? You have not spoken of your home in a very long time. Will you be leaving at some point also?' he asked quietly. He had almost forgotten her demands to be left behind.

Elmyra had known this conversation was coming, but she was still caught off guard. 'I want you to know that I have no interest in going home again. Not the way I did when we first met. _This_ is my home now. Home to me is anywhere Thorin Oakenshield is.' She put her hand in his and squeezed. 'However, it may not be forever.'

'What do you mean?' he asked anxiously.

'You know I am not from here; that I traveled here to rest and relax. It was only supposed to be for a week. The people who sent me here might think I want to come home. Early on this journey I signaled that I _did _want to go home. They may figure out a way to pull me back at some point. I think if that is going to happen, it will happen after the battle that will almost certainly happen.'

'I won't let them take you when they come. You will explain that you want to stay. They can't force you to leave!' he growled.

'That is not the way it works, Thorin. Most likely no one will come for me physically. I will go to sleep some night, and in the morning I will be gone. If that ever happens, and I pray it does not, always remember that I did not want to go!' She stopped walking and made him face her. 'Remember that. I will love you forever and _I do not want to_ _go_.'

By now Thorin was angry and confused. 'I don't understand. I suppose I never will.'

'There is no guarantee I will leave. I hope I don't. The important thing is for you to know that if it happens, it is not of my choosing.' She rubbed her eyes in frustration. 'Let's put this aside for now. It is making my head hurt and it may never happen.' They had arrived outside the door to the room. 'Besides, I think after that walk I might need you to give me another massage. And you never know,' she flirted, 'maybe my muscles will have loosened up enough for some other kind of activity.' She kissed him and pulled his hair.

'Well now, that is something I think I understand.' He opened the door and pulled her inside.

….

Later that evening, rested and well massaged, Elmyra had a chance to read the little PANIC BUTTON booklet. She turned the Device light on high to read the small print.

PANIC BUTTON Instructions and Guidelines.

This button is provided for Emergency Use Only. The Guide should keep said button concealed in the 'Survival Kit: Guide Version' at all times. Under no circumstances is it to be removed except in an Emergency. Failure to follow any and all Guidelines will result in penalties up to and including Termination of Employment.

Events that may require the use of the PANIC BUTTON should be rare if a Guide has followed TFA rules and regulations. If a Guide finds him/herself and/or clients in an Imminent Situation where death or serious injury may result, the Button may be deployed.

Examples: A. Guide and/or Clients surrounded by marauding Goblins/Orcs with no hope of escape. YOU SHOULD NOT ALLOW YOURSELF TO GET IN THIS SITUATION! All Guides are well briefed on when and where there is any opportunity for this to happen and you should never be within more than 100 feet of said scenario. B. Guide or Client in physically dangerous situation such as deep water or steep cliff. Again, you have been briefed on how to avoid or negate these situations. STAY AWAY FROM HAZARDOUS RIVERS AND CLIFFS. There are too many dangerous situations in Middle Earth to mention every one. You have been briefed. Simply put: DO NOT ALLOW THE CLIENTS TO BE DAMAGED OR KILLED. It looks bad.

Should you fail in your duties and you allow any of the above to happen or appear about to happen, deploy the PANIC BUTTON. Simply pull out the PANIC BUTTON unit and press the large red button in the center. Any individual that is a character in the Book will be frozen in place for a time period not to exceed five minutes. This will allow the Guide to lead his/her Clients to safety. Use only as a means of escape. THIS IS NOT A TOY!

We say again: Failure to follow any and all TFA rules and regulations will be severely frowned upon. We mean it. It will hurt our stock price and make us look bad.

Elmyra almost laughed out loud as she read the 'instructions'. TFA must be one hell of a corporation to work for. No wonder they had failed to retrieve her. Everyone was too concerned about looking bad! Already a plan was forming in her brain and it didn't involve 'escape'!

**Well, well, well. That never happened in Tolkien's version! Thanks for reading. Feel free to review, I appreciate it.**


	19. Decisions, Decisions

The Elves and Men arrived at the Front Gate to find the entrance blocked. Thorin issued his challenge, _"Who are you that come as if in war to the gates of Thorin, son of Thrain King Under the Mountain and what do you desire?"_

Elmyra noticed that Bard and Thranduil were present for the first challenge, negating the need for another one the next morning. Thorin and Bard parlayed and Bard requested what he considered a fair share of the hoard to repay Esgaroth for its troubles and suffering under the dragon. To his credit, Thorin did not shoot an arrow this time as a means of refusal. Instead, he listened carefully and replied, 'I will consider your request. Know that I will give nothing to the Elven king unless and until he performs some service for me. Right now I consider him in my debt for the mistreatment we recently received as his prisoners. As for Esgaroth, you will receive my reply in the morning. Now leave me to think.'

Bard was not pleased with Thorin's attitude about the elves, but since there was still a chance of a reasonable settlement, he retreated until the next day.

When Thorin stepped back from the Gate, Elmyra at first only listened to him talk with Balin. 'We must prepare for a siege until Dain arrives. What are our supplies?'

Balin proceeded to give him an inventory. 'Mostly cram, no worries on water. We have cleared some of the old wells and the supply is fresh. The river is still befouled from Smaug but it will clear eventually. We can easily hold out for weeks, even months if we start rationing right away.' Balin paused for a moment. 'Is all this really necessary, Thorin? That man's, Bard's, request seems fair. Smaug did cause them trouble and tragedy that we are responsible for.'

'I will tell you what I told Bard: I am considering it. But I also want to be ready for anything that comes our way. Can you do that for me?' His voice had an angry argumentative tone.

'You know I can and I will. I wanted you to be aware of my opinion as well.' Balin bowed his head and walked away.

Thorin walked over and sat next to Elmyra who had been listening intently. 'I suppose you will now give me more grief like Balin? Let's hear it.'

Elmyra stared at him without speaking. She picked up the Device and fiddled with it out of nervousness. 'You know what I think. There is more gold in this mountain than you will ever need in four dwarf lifetimes. However, you will do as you wish. I wash my hands of the matter.'

Her attitude was something of a shock to Thorin. He had expected a fight and now there was nothing. It was almost disappointing. 'Well, thank you. I have much to think about. I will see you later.' He stood and walked off down a side passage.

As soon as he was gone, Elmyra looked around for Bilbo. He was playing a game with Ori. They had become best buddies over the last few weeks. 'Bilbo, I need to speak to you if you have a minute?'

The hobbit put down his cards and stood up. 'Certainly. Thorin seems to be in a bit of a mood.' This was an understatement. If clouds formed around heads, Thorin's would be in the midst of a Category Five thunderstorm.

'Can you sneak out of here and go down to the camp? I want you to find Gandalf and get him up here.'

'Gandalf? Is he back? How do you know?' As the words left his mouth, he realized how silly they were. She always knew.

'I can't be positive, but it is worth the effort to find out. Go now and see if you can find him. If he's there, bring him back immediately. If he hesitates, tell him he owes me. This is the least he can do for the trick he played on me.'

Bilbo wanted to ask what trick, but Elmyra looked as thunderous as Thorin so he didn't. 'How am I supposed to get out the Gate? Thorin has assigned a guard already.'

'Give me a few minutes. It's Bombur. I will ask him to fix me a snack and offer to watch in his place. You just need to move quickly. When you return, have Gandalf announce himself. I will make sure you are both admitted no matter what Thorin says.'

Within fifteen minutes, Bilbo was out the Gate and on his way to the camp. He went as fast as he could and soon ran into the first sentry. 'Who goes there and what is your business?' If he was surprised to see a creature barely four foot tall, the sentry was too well trained to show it.

'My name is Bilbo Baggins of Bag End. Is there a wizard named Gandalf in your camp?' he asked.

'I am not authorized to answer questions. What is your business?' he said again.

'My business is to stop the foolishness that is about to happen! Take me to Bard if you will not answer my question.' Bilbo wished folk would stop wasting his time.

The guard led Bilbo into the camp and left him standing outside one of the larger tents. Bard appeared a few moments later. 'My guard tells me you seek a wizard. What makes you think there might be one in this camp?' he asked curiously.

'Elmyra Pundur, a member of our company thinks he might be here. She wants to try and resolve this situation before things get any worse. Is Gandalf here? Please?' he almost begged.

Bard watched Bilbo's earnest face for any signs of deceit. 'Wait a bit longer. I will return.' He walked away between the tents leaving the guard behind with the hobbit.

Bilbo paced back and forth impatiently waiting for him to come back. Even though it was probably no more than five minutes it seemed like hours. Bilbo had reached the far end of his track when he heard a welcome voice.

'Bilbo Baggins! I see you have survived the dragon. What brings you here now? I do not imagine Thorin Oakenshield is using hobbits as ambassadors these days!'

Bilbo whirled around and lifted his head to see Gandalf towering over him. 'Gandalf! You_ are_ here! Why didn't you come with Bard?'

Gandalf ignored the question and asked another of his own. 'How did you know I was here? Why are _you _here?'

'I didn't know. Elmyra did. She knows everything, Gandalf. Sometimes I think she is an even greater wizard than you. Is she part of your order?' Bilbo had gotten so nervous while he waited that he got a little bit cheekier than he intended.

'Ah, Elmyra. I should have known. And what does she want, Bilbo?'

'She wants me to bring you to the mountain immediately. She says if you refuse, I am to tell you that you owe her.'

Gandalf raised an eyebrow and contemplated the hobbit. 'I owe her? Did she explain that at all?'

'Not really. She just said, and I quote: _'If he hesitates, tell him he owes me. This is the least he can do for the trick_ _he played on me_.' Bilbo hoped this wouldn't make Gandalf angry. Angering a wizard was probably not a good idea.

Instead of roasting Bilbo out of anger, the wizard roared with laughter. 'She is absolutely right. I do owe her. Alright, let's go find out what Thorin's Wild Cat has in store for me. I take it there have been some troubles along the way?'

Bilbo and Gandalf walked back to the mountain and Gandalf got the full tale of Elmyra's trials and tribulations.

…

Gloin was quite surprised to be hailed from the other side of the wall in the middle of his watch. 'Let down the rope and let us in,' Bilbo cried. 'I have a guest for Thorin.'

Gloin climbed up and looked out. He was stunned to see not only Bilbo but Gandalf on the other side of the wall. 'What are you doing outside Bilbo and where did you find Gandalf?'

'Stop wasting time and let us in. Elmyra sent me to find him. She's waiting for us.'

Gloin was tempted to say Elmyra didn't make the rules, but he almost thought she did at times. Also, Gandalf was a former member of the Company. What harm would it be to let him in? He let down the ropes and the two quickly climbed up and inside.

'Thank you, Gloin, you are most helpful,' said Gandalf. 'Where are Thorin and Elmyra?'

Gloin told them which passage to take. 'It is the fourth door on the left. I think they are both in there. If not, someone else will be.' He watched as the pair walked on. Things had certainly taken a most interesting turn.

…

Most of the Company was in the room. It was large, but not as vast as the Great Hall. There was a cheerful fire burning in the fireplace and the dwarves were enjoying a quiet evening after all the excitement earlier in the day.

Bilbo burst into the room. 'I found him. Elmyra, you were right!'

Thorin looked suspiciously at his Little Cat. What was she up to now? He thought she had given in too easily. 'Found who, Bilbo? What are you talking about?'

Gandalf followed Bilbo. 'He found me. Apparently Elmyra would like to speak to me before tomorrow. Is that correct?'

Elmyra spoke. 'Yes, that is correct. We three have much to discuss.' She glared at the rest of the room with her best icy look. 'Get out, all of you. You too, Bilbo, but thank you for being so quick.'

Thorin started to protest her ordering the dwarves around, but one look at her face and he stopped. When she had that look, it wasn't worth it.

'Sit down, Gandalf. Join us. I would ask where you have been, but there isn't time.' She motioned him into an empty chair beside hers.

'As I am sure you know, Thorin is contemplating his response to Bard. I was hoping you can convince him to give a very small portion of his treasure to satisfy the request.' Elmyra stuck to diplomatic words.

Thorin's face grew even stormier. 'I _knew_ you would try something like this! It is _my _gold, _my_ decision.' He gave up any pretense of fairness with the rest of the Company. 'Who gave you the power to decide what is best for me? For Erebor?' He stood and began to pace the room.

'You did,' she said simply.

'I MOST CERTAINLY DID NOT!' he thundered.

'Perhaps not the power to make the final decision, but certainly a place at the table and a say in this matter.' Her face was getting red now, too. 'The day you two,' she motioned at Gandalf, 'decided to drag me into this little venture, I had a say. The day I faced goblins for you, spiders, Mirkwood, and prison I had a say. The day you forced me to leave Rivendell and Beorn I had a say. The day you forgot me at the watchtower and left me to fend for myself I had a say. For Mahal's sake, Thorin, I found you the Arkenstone! For all these I would deserve to have a say. But even if none of it had happened, I thought you loved me enough to spend your life with me instead of throwing it away over a pile of gold!' She had started out almost yelling but by the end her voice was very soft.

'Of course I want to spend my life with you. What does that have to do with the current situation? The two have no connection whatsoever.'

Elmyra faced him. 'It has everything to do with your life and the length of it. If you continue down this path I can all but guarantee you are dead within the month.' She buried her face in her hands and turned away from him.

'There is no way you can know that. What is there to kill me? We will be besieged but when Dain arrives, that will end. I have no intention of dying.' Thorin growled at her.

'Gandalf, help me. Can't you say anything to make him see the rashness of his greed? You put all of this in motion. Surely you owe Thorin a little wise advice?' she asked.

Gandalf cleared his throat and looked at the pair. 'You seem to have defined a very good argument that I have little to add to. Thorin Oakenshield, you are being stubborn. Listen to your lovely companion and make peace with Bard. The gold he asks for will barely be missed.'

If anything, these words seemed to harden Thorin's resolve. 'Stay out of it, wizard._ I_ am King and_ I_ will decide who gets what and when! Erebor is _mine_ to run as I see fit.' He practically spit out the words he was so angry.

'You see how vast my influence is, Elmyra. I am sorry to disappoint your faith in me. Dwarves will do what dwarves will do when it comes to treasure. It has always been that way and I fear it always will,' Gandalf said a hint of sorrow in his voice. 'He is following in Thror's and Thrain's footsteps. The dragon sickness prevails.'

'Thorin , you are an even greedier bastard than I ever thought possible. You make me so mad I want to scream! When I was a little girl one of my favorite poems was called "Ozymandias". It was about a fallen statue. One of the lines read 'My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings, look upon my works ye mighty and despair.'

Before she could finish Thorin laughed, 'Sounds alright to me.'

She continued. 'Part of the last line is 'Nothing beside remains. Boundless and bare, The lone and level sands stretch far away.' You are no king of kings yet, Thorin. If you continue on this path, there won't even be a single statue of you let alone mighty works.'

'I still would love to know why you have so little faith in my success.' He almost added, 'when have I ever failed you', but realized she had already itemized those times.

Elmyra took a deep breath and closed her eyes. 'I didn't want to do this but you leave me no choice.' She pulled out the Device. 'You have both heard me mention a book and someone called Tolkien. The book is called "The Hobbit" and it was written by a man named Tolkien two hundred years ago. You probably won't believe or understand this, but I come from a world where you and all around us (she motioned around the room) exist only in words and letters. I am not from your world. I live in a place without dragons, elves, dwarves, or wizards. It has its own magic, but it is completely different. It guides the events of your lives.'

She could see the confusion growing on both faces. 'I don't know how to explain it. I was only supposed to visit Hobbiton and go home. Something went terribly wrong after that first night and I have been trapped here ever since. BUT,' she motioned to the Device, 'this tells me what is going to happen and when. It is how I knew about the Trolls, Gandalf, and how I knew about the barrels, Thorin. It is how I knew so many things. And it is how I know that you will die.' She handed the Device to Thorin.

'Can you read this?' She pointed to the middle of the screen.

Thorin took it and looked at it. To him it looked like the little book he had seen her with so often. There was writing on the page in Cirth. She knew runes, too? 'Yes, I can read it.' He began, "_They buried Thorin deep beneath the Mountain, and Bard laid the Arkenstone upon his breast". _He paused and looked at her. 'Just because I die doesn't mean the end of my line. Fili will continue after me. No one lives forever.' He wasn't really that unconcerned about his death, but he didn't want her to know that.

She took the Device, scrolled the page down a bit and pointed at another spot. 'Keep reading.'

"_Fili and Kili had fallen defending him with shield and body…_" His voice cracked over the last few words and he stopped. 'Is this really true? All three of us die?'

'Yes, it's true. After all your hard work, Dain sits on the throne of Erebor and you and your kin are but a brief mention in the history of the mountain.' She put her hand on his shoulder. 'But it doesn't have to be this way.' She took the book back. 'Just a few days ago, that page was missing. It had disappeared. It has only reappeared since you became so adamant about not giving Bard his share. He gets it anyway in the end, Thorin. Dain rewards everyone handsomely. It should be_ you_ who does that, not your cousin.'

Thorin had sunk into a chair, his face buried in his hands. 'How can you be so certain?'

'I can't be totally sure, but it seems to be a key moment. When you refuse to pay Bard, valuable planning time is lost. A vast army of goblins descends on everyone at the last moment. Without preparation, the result is a last minute scramble to defend Erebor. If you act now, you will have that lost time to prepare. There is no guarantee you will live if you pay, Thorin, but it is almost certain you will die if you do not. Please don't make me watch you die. It would break my heart.' She laid her cheek on top of his head and wrapped her arms around him. 'Think about it, Thorin and decide what really matters.' She kissed him and left the room.

Thorin watched her go. 'Can she be right, Gandalf? All three of us die and Dain inherits because of all_ my_ effort?'

'Elmyra has been a puzzle since the very beginning, Thorin. She has shown foreknowledge on more than one occasion. I see little reason to doubt her now. You must decide for yourself which path you wish to tread.' Gandalf felt sorry for the dwarf. It was such an easy decision for everyone around him yet it went against all that his brain, addled by dragon sickness, could accept. 'You have until morning, Thorin. Use the time wisely.' Gandalf stood and left the room.

He ran into Elmyra outside the door. 'What do you think he will do, Gandalf?'

'I truly have no idea. You have given him a situation that he may choose to ignore. He has the sickness that ran his father and grandfather to tragic ends. Or he may surprise us all and agree to pay Bard. I suggest you go and try to sleep. Worrying will accomplish nothing. You presented your case well.' Gandalf did not think he could have added anything more.

'Wait, Gandalf. I have another favor to ask.' When he turned back to her, she was holding a letter in her hand. 'If Thorin does survive the battle, I hope to spend the rest of my life here. However, there is always a chance that the mistake that has left me here will correct itself and I will be taken back. If some day I am gone without explanation, would you give this to Thorin?'

'I don't intend to be here much longer, Elmyra. Isn't there anyone else you can give it to?' Gandalf knew he would have to leave within a matter of weeks at most.

'If it happens, I think it will happen soon. Also, I will be giving a few of the dwarves copies of what you have. I want to make sure that Thorin gets it, no matter what. I would rather he get it ten times than not at all.' She pushed the letter at him again.

Gandalf took it and tucked it up his sleeve. 'I will make sure to deliver it if I am still here.'

'Thank you.' She walked slowly away down the hall.

Gandalf walked back in the room. 'I hope you know the very real things you are risking with your stubbornness,' he said to Thorin as he closed the door.

Thorin stared at the fire. 'Of course I know. My heart tells me the right thing is to give Bard payment for Esgaroth's losses and his slaying of Smaug. The dragon sickness will not let me do it! How can I give any of _my_ gold to outsiders?' He lifted his head. His eyes had a glazed and crazy look in them. 'My forefathers did not work to build this kingdom only to have me give it away! And you know very well that Bard will give some of it to that ELF! It makes me sick just thinking of it.'

Gandalf sat next to the tormented dwarf. 'You must decide what you treasure more, Thorin. Do you value that pile of gold so much that you will let your very life slip away? And what about Elmyra? She seems to care greatly for you. Are you willing to lose her? Decide what your answers are and you will have made your decision.'

The wizard settled back into the chair and sighed. 'Elmyra once asked me if I ever considered what my actions do to the 'little people' that I drag into my plans. There are times I regret meeting you in Bree and starting this whole venture rolling.'

'Don't blame yourself, Gandalf. I had been yearning to make the attempt for years. Even without the map and the key, I think it was only a matter of time before I at least came to see what the situation was with Smaug. And I would probably already be dead by now or still a 'guest' of Thranduil without Bilbo and Elmyra.'

He laughed humorlessly. 'Elmyra. Never in all my days did I think I would meet anyone like her. She is such a contradiction. She hates that she came yet loves me despite being tricked. She claims to not be much good for anything yet she survives goblins and Mirkwood. She seems to know the future, and apparently it isn't a very nice one for me. Do you really think I only have days to live, Gandalf? I'm not afraid of dying, but I would hate to lose a life with her. And to drag Fili and Kili down with me is unthinkable.'

'I cannot see your fate, my friend. However, she weaves a plausible story of your death. Without the support of the Men and Elves, you will be hard pressed to hold onto what you have regained even with Dain's help. If I were you, I would do anything in my power to keep what I already have.' He stood. 'I must return to the camp. I will come tomorrow with Bard. Think hard about this decision, Thorin. It will change your life no matter what.' Before he left, he gave Thorin one last piece of advice.

'If I can find it, I will do as you suggest, Gandalf. But it is still very confused down in the Treasury just now. It might be impossible. However, it is something I have no right to keep. I have no issue with that. It would be much easier than giving away gold.'

…..

When Gandalf reached the camp he visited Thranduil's tent. The elven king was still awake and agreed to see the wizard. 'What brings you here at this hour Gandalf? Working on another one of your plots?'

'You know me too well. I have spent the evening with Thorin Oakenshield. I believe there is a good chance that he will pay Bard the gold. And I think there is something that you could do to make him think more kindly of you in the future.'

He explained his idea. 'You do not want an enemy near your borders if the Darkness rises again in the East. It would threaten all you hold dear. It would be better to have an ally or at least someone with less animosity.'

Thranduil nodded. 'I see your point. If you think it a wise thing to do, I will do it. Elves and dwarves have been too long at each other's throats. Perhaps both sides could meet in the middle for once.'

'I only ever propose wise things. Or at least I like to think so!' Gandalf said with a smile.

….

After Gandalf left, Thorin went to the rooms he shared with Elmyra. They had moved from the guard room to a suite further away from the Gate. He had told her, 'The Royal Chambers are too far away for now. Why don't you look around and see what you can find?' She had happily opened doors and peeked into rooms that he said were most likely to be suitable. It was sad to see the way some of them had obviously been quickly abandoned, but she finally found others that had been unoccupied. Now Thorin stood at the door to the new rooms.

He walked to the bedchamber. Elmyra was fast asleep. She had left her little light on with a very low setting. To Thorin it still looked like a glowing book. Seeing it made him remember the words he had read earlier_. Fili and Kili had fallen defending him…._That hurt worse than anything he could imagine. He had lived a long life already, but they were still young. They deserved a chance to grow up and prove their worth.

He noticed a few gold coins on a table. He picked one up and stroked it. Was this really worth more than all the other things in his life? His nephews, his sister, the Company, Elmyra? The dragon sickness reared its ugly head and for a long moment, he thought it was. Why should he ever share such a lovely thing with outsiders? Especially that dratted Elf!

Elmyra muttered something in her sleep, and he once again remembered how much he loved being with her. The sound of her voice, the feel of her skin, the taste of her lips, the passion they shared. Suddenly the gold coin was cold, hard and uncaring. He set it back down. The gold twinkled in the dim light and mocked him with its power. His thoughts tormented him.

What was he going to do? He had no trouble giving things to Elmyra. He had already given her a priceless necklace and could not wait to shower her with more. If he could do that, why couldn't he give Bard the gold that he had earned and the payment that Esgaroth deserved? He thought of his father and grandfather. Gold had driven them mad in the end. Hundreds, if not thousands of dwarven lives had been sacrificed in the pursuit of gold. He didn't want to repeat their mistakes.

A glimmer of an idea formed. He slowly removed his boots and undressed. He slipped into bed and wrapped his arms around the soft warm body of the one he loved most in the world. She didn't wake, but she did snuggle more closely into his arms with a happy sigh. He buried his face in her neck and inhaled her scent. An idea took root, blossomed, and bore fruit in his heart and in his brain. Thorin Oakenshield slipped into a dreamless happy sleep.

….

**So what does our Thorin have in mind? **


	20. Of Elves and Men

**Congrats to Ailith-Kansas on guessing how Bard got the gold! Tsk, Borys, Elmyra is a committed environmentalist! She would never eat ravens' eggs. And besides, she hates cram…..**

When Elmyra woke, she was disappointed to find herself alone. She wished Thorin had joined her. He had been so upset last night after reading the book that she had wanted to make it up to him. Who was she kidding? She had wanted to make love to him for her own sake. Time was growing short and she wanted to make the best of it if he died. Her heart quailed at the thought.

The door opened and Thorin walked in. She thought there was a spring in his step and a lightness of attitude that had been missing in the last few days. 'Get up, sleepy head! We have work to do!'

She stared at him. 'Who are you and what have you done with my crabby dwarf?'

'That old grump is gone for good I hope. I believe I have resolved my problem and it is thanks to you.' He reached down, grabbed her hands and pulled her out of bed. He kissed her and ran his hands over her naked body. 'I wish we had more time. There are a few things I really want to do to you.'

Elmyra's body flushed with pleasure at his touch. She pressed against him. 'Don't let me stop you. I have a few ideas of my own.' She licked the corners of his mouth and returned his kiss. She tried to pull him back down on the bed with her.

'No, no time for that. Bard and that Elf will be here in a few hours.' He reluctantly pushed her away and handed her the EverCleanClothes.

Slowly she took them and started to dress. 'You said you have a solution? All you have to do is give Bard his payment, right? How hard is that?'

'Ah, for someone with a raging case of dragon sickness such as me, it is very hard if not impossible. But that is where you come in, my dearest love.' He grinned foolishly at her.

She wrinkled her brow. 'Explain please. I am now more confused than ever.'

'I kept going in circles, Little Cat. I know it is best to pay Bard, but I cannot let the gold go. Or so I thought. Then I realized that I have no problem giving _you_ anything. I gave you that necklace that is worth ten times what Bard is owed. Therefore, I will give you another one fifteenth of the gold in addition to the share you have already earned. You may do with it whatever you wish. Save it, melt it down, throw it in the river or,' he paused dramatically, 'give it to whomever you wish.'

Comprehension dawned on Elmyra's face. 'You give me the gold._ I_ can give it to Bard? You would be okay with that?'

'Well, I_ would_ prefer it to stay in the family, but since I know that is what you will do with it, yes I am okay with it.' He smiled at her wonder. 'I realized that I could never give it to an outsider. The sickness won't allow it. But I can give it to you. It will actually make me happy to do so.'

She wrapped her arms around him and hugged as tight as she could. 'What a wonderful solution. I'm so happy right now I think I might burst!' This might be the tipping point she thought, now I truly can hope that he will survive. 'What do we do now? When do you meet Bard and Thranduil?'

'I won't be meeting either one this morning. I do not think I am ready for that yet.' He loved to confuse her. She got such a funny look on her face as she tried to figure it out.

'Is Gandalf coming back or are you sending Balin? I don't understand.'

Thorin laughed again. It felt so good to laugh. He would try to do it more often. 'If you keep frowning like that, you will get all wrinkled. You, my dearest love, are going to meet Bard in my place. I am appointing you my official negotiator. Since you know how all this is supposed to play out, it seems only logical to send you._ And _it is your money you are giving away. You should be there.'

Elmyra considered his words. It made sense in a way. 'But I'm not sure I know enough to cover everything properly. What if I miss something important?'

'Don't worry. Balin will go with you to make sure all is done properly. Now, how do you feel about a hike to the Treasury. There is something I want to look for.'

She groaned. 'Not the Treasury. It always seems like a million miles on the way back. Uphill. With steps. They make my legs ache.'

'Stop being such a baby. You are going to have to toughen up if you expect to reign as my Queen. Let's start your training right now!' Thorin didn't want to be parted from her today.

'When I am queen, I expect to have a set of handsome, strong dwarves at my beck and call. They can carry me up and down all these miserable stairs.'

Thorin kissed her. 'I will be the only one carrying you anywhere! And if you have dwarves at your beck and call they will only be squat, ugly ones. You may have Bifur and Bofur!' he joshed.

She grimaced. 'If that is all you have to offer, I'll walk. Come on, the sooner we start the sooner we return.'

…

Elmyra liked the new Thorin. They walked together enjoying each other's company. All of a sudden there were no worries. A major decision had been made and the future battle was far enough off not to worry about for one day. As they walked, Thorin pointed out various features of Erebor that had gone unnoticed on the first journey through the halls.

'I used to slide down this banister with my brother Frerin! Thror always told us we would kill ourselves, but I think sometimes he wished he could join us.'

'Your brother? He's dead, isn't he?' She regretted the words as soon as she said them. 'I am so sorry Thorin.' His face had gone from happy memory to mourning in a matter of seconds.

He sighed. 'It is not your fault. I almost never speak of him. He was one of the many caught up in the slaughter caused by Thror. After Azog beheaded him in Moria, the dwarves swore revenge. We fought the War of the Dwarves and the Orcs for years inside the Blue Mountains. It culminated at Moria with the Battle of Azanulbizar. Frerin was killed there along with hundreds more. My cousin, Dain, slew Azog after Azog killed his father. Even though he was very young, he was already incredibly strong. Our history often seems to be nothing but killing and waste. I would like to change that when I am king.'

'You are making a good start. Peace with Esgaroth and at least some sort of understanding with the elves will go a long way, Thorin.'

More subdued, they reached the Treasury. Balin and Gloin were already there. Elmyra noticed several heavy baskets that were being filled with an assortment of treasure. 'Wait here. I will be back soon if what I am looking for is where it is supposed to be. However with the mess Smaug made of things, it might be impossible to find it today.' Thorin ventured out into the depths of the hoard.

'Are you measuring the treasure for Bard, Gloin?' she asked. 'How do you know how much to send?'

Gloin looked up from a large book he had been writing it. 'Thorin said to dole out one fifteenth. At this point, it is only a guess and we do not have time to gather it all in one day. I am noting how much we put in each basket. When all is finally tallied, we will send the remainder to Lake-town. Even if we knew the exact amount to send, it would be most unwise to send it all at once. If they are attacked, they would lose the entire treasure rather than a small part.' He turned back to his book.

Elmyra could tell they wanted to be left to their work so she wandered off. The Treasury already seemed a bit tidier. The armor was all gathered in one place, the musical instruments had a corner and other large items were grouped in another. Barrels and barrels of gold lined alleys and paths through the room. It was slightly more organized but not nearly as much fun.

She saw an opaque door in one wall that she hadn't noticed before. Walking over to it, she saw that it was not made of glass but of crystal. Golden filigree ran around the edges and across the front, decorating and reinforcing it at the same time. She turned the handle and opened it. When she looked inside, she thought she had died and gone to heaven.

Inside, the room was covered floor to ceiling with velvet lined shelves. Along each shelf was any type of jewelry a girl's heart could desire. Sorted by type of gem, there was a diamond section, a sapphire section, an emerald section and so on. There were types of gems she had never seen before. Items carved out of glorious crystal and rock were so beautiful that they took her breath away. Wandering further in, she found a section of little animals carved in all the colors of the rainbow. Dogs, cats, horses, birds. If it was an animal, it was here. Some were either mythical or something she had missed in Tolkien's writings. She picked up a beautiful pink quartz kitten with diamond eyes.

She almost dropped it when Thorin spoke. 'I see you found the treasure chest of Erebor. I knew you would like it. I should have shown it to you myself.' He encircled her with his arms and kissed her neck. 'This was another favorite when we were young. Dis got chased out of here all the time. She always said that the animals were her own personal zoo. We are lucky Smaug never thought to smash the door and destroy everything.'

'This is the most amazing thing I have ever seen! I had no idea anything like this existed. I might have a heart attack if I stay here too long!'

'You may come whenever you wish. It will be yours to enjoy. Take anything you want, but tell Balin if you do. He always likes to know where things are.' He continued to kiss her.

She started to put the kitten back. 'Why don't you take it to our rooms? They could use a more personal touch. Perhaps Bard could send us some cats from Lake-town. Would you like that, Little Cat?' He moved lower. POP!

Elmyra's breathing increased. Whether from the jewels or Thorin's attentions, she wasn't sure. 'Yes, I would love some cats. They are very good company and now that people are living here again, it won't take long for the rats and mice to move back too.' POP!

She groaned. 'I don't think this is the best place for that Thorin. Balin and Gloin will hear.' POP!

'Ask me later if I care. It has been too long.' He picked her up and set her on a table. POP!

'Ahem,' said a voice. 'Before you get too occupied, Thorin, I have a few questions.' Balin stood red faced just inside the door.

Elmyra blushed furiously at the interruption and turned her back so she could refasten her tabs. Balin really was most unfortunate in his timing!

Thorin followed Balin out the door. 'This had better be good, Balin.'

….

Thorin was gone long enough for Elmyra to tire of the beautiful room. It was too much to take in all at once. She wandered back out to where Balin and Thorin were in a deep discussion by the baskets. She still had the kitten in her hand when she sat down on the stairs to wait. She wasn't looking forward to the hike back.

'I'm finished, are you ready to go?' Thorin's voice woke her from a nap.

She stood up slowly. 'Yes. I still have this though. I didn't tell Balin about it.' She held out the kitten figurine.

'We'll tell him later. It is getting late. Bard and that Elf will be here soon. We have to hurry, unfortunately.' He kissed her to show why it _was_ unfortunate.

They started out but Elmyra, still only newly recovered, began to fall behind Thorin's brisk pace. It was all uphill now and the stairs were built for shorter legs than hers. It was tiring after awhile. At the top of a staircase, Thorin finally remembered to look back. Once again he had left her behind, he berated himself. Elmyra hadn't even reached the bottom of the flight he was at the top of. He ran back down to meet her.

'I should be horsewhipped. Here,' he turned his back to her, 'climb on. If Fili can carry you, so can I.'

Elmyra wasn't about to protest. As Thorin bent, she climbed on his back and wrapped her arms and legs around him. 'Yah, mule. Move it!' Thorin set out at a good pace. Elmyra tormented him further by kissing his neck and ears all the way back to their rooms.

….

Thorin had decided to keep the wall in place. Even though it would appear unfriendly, if goblins did attack it would be needed. Elmyra climbed the ropes and went outside as soon as the delegation from the camp was sighted. Balin followed behind clutching a decorative box.

Bard, Thranduil and their retinues strode up to the pair. Neither looked happy to see the wall. Bard spoke, 'Do you still expect us to attack or does this mean that there will be no payment?' He didn't seem to believe much in diplomacy Elmyra noted.

Balin stepped forward. 'Allow me to introduce Elmyra Pundur. She is representing Thorin Oakenshield, King Under the Mountain. I am Balin, son of Fundin.' Balin on the other hand was a firm believer in politeness and diplomacy.

Bard nodded stiffly at them. 'I am Bard, heir of Girion of Dale. This is Thranduil, King of Greenwood the Great. We have come to hear the answer to our request for payment.'

Elmyra stepped forward. 'King Thorin has graciously decided upon a payment of one fifteenth of the dragon hoard to Bard of Dale. A small portion of that amount has been readied for you to take with you today. The rest is being counted even as we speak. Due to the volume of gold and the danger of the times, you may wish to delay taking the full amount immediately.' She saw Bard inhale to make a protest. 'Be assured the payment will be made. However, we have knowledge of a large goblin army that approaches from the North. It may be unwise to move such a vast amount of treasure before that army is dealt with. Thorin is also requesting an alliance between Men, Elves and Dwarves to defeat this enemy. Rewards will be given commensurate with such service above and beyond the one fifteenth already awarded.' She waited for their reply.

Bard and Thranduil walked a short distance away to consider her words. Elmyra noticed Gandalf's pointed hat among the followers of Bard. She wished he would come forward and support her. Bard returned. 'There was no mention of the Elves in your reply. What of Thranduil?'

Elmyra stood very straight and looked first Bard and then the Elven king in the eye. 'Thranduil will receive nothing from Thorin at this time. He has offered only hindrance and delay in our venture. He has taken Orcrist, the sword fairly won by Thorin from a Troll hoard. Should the Elves ally with us in the coming battle, those services rendered will be richly rewarded. Should the Elves depart now, they will leave empty handed.'

Thranduil stunned everyone with his words. 'I recognize that perhaps I unfairly held your group prisoner. Bard has assured me that your true goals were nothing more than regaining Erebor. Therefore as a sign of goodwill,' he motioned an elf forward, 'I offer the return of Orcrist to King Thorin.' The elf knelt before Elmyra and held out the prize.

Elmyra took a deep breath as she reached out and took the sword. She had not seen this coming! In the book it was placed upon Thorin's tomb. Now he could use it in the battle! 'We thank you for this honorable gesture, Your Majesty. In return, King Thorin has a similar gesture.'

Balin stepped over to the king and held out the box he had carried over the wall. 'For too long there have been hard feelings between our folk. King Thorin requested that I give you this as a symbol of better relations in the future.' He opened the lid of the box. As beautiful as the engraved box was the gem inside outshone it a thousand fold. It was a pure white jewel of remarkable beauty. Only the Arkenstone surpassed it.

Thranduil was stunned speechless. 'That is the White Star of my people! I thought it was gone forever.' Thranduil had entrusted it to the dwarves more than two centuries ago so that they could mount it in a setting deserving of its beauty. After Smaug came, it was one of the reasons he had been so angry with the dwarves, blaming their greed for gold for bringing the dragon down on the mountain. He took the box from Balin and gazed lovingly at the treasure. For once, he seemed truly sincere. 'I thank Thorin Oakenshield for returning it to me. I am willing to discuss the terms of an alliance.'

Elmyra thought her heart would burst with joy. All the pieces of the puzzle were starting to fit together and the picture was turning out even more promising than she had hoped. Balin took over the negotiations. It was decided that the three sides would meet in one of Bard's tents since it would be awkward to climb up and down the wall built across the Gate.

Bard and Thranduil started back to the encampment and Elmyra and Balin turned to climb the wall. 'Well done, you two, well done.' Gandalf had followed them. 'However did you convince him to surrender the gold?'

'He didn't. _I_ did.' Elmyra couldn't help but enjoy the look of confusion that crossed the wizard's face. 'Thorin would rather chew nails than give even an ounce of gold to those two due to the sickness. However, he was quite happy to give it to me. I in turn gave it to Bard who will give some of it to Thranduil. In the end, everyone goes home happy.'

'Ah, a most elegant solution. Congratulations are due to all of you. Well done!'

…..

With the return of Orcrist, Thorin consented to a meeting with Thranduil and Bard. After Thorin, Balin and Dwalin worked out the details of the alliance with Bard and Thranduil they returned to the mountain. The rest of the Company met them as they climbed over the blockading wall. 'What news, Thorin!' hailed Dori. 'Do we prepare for war?'

Thorin called for everyone to gather. 'We have decided to act as one army when the goblins appear. Dain is still a week's march away. While we wait, we will try to reinforce the few defenses that Smaug left us. See to your weapons tonight, for tomorrow we will begin working outside.' Some of the dwarves wanted to ask questions. 'There will be time enough in the coming days. I am tired. Balin and Dwalin can answer anything of true importance. The rest can wait.' With that, he turned and walked away.

Elmyra followed him back their rooms. 'Are you alright?' He had seemed even more abrupt than usual. Normally he tried to make time for the Company.

'It was very hard for me to sit across from Thranduil and play the ally. Even with the exchange of possessions,' he rested his hand contentedly on Orcrist, 'I find it difficult to forget past insults. I hope it will get better with time, but today has been mentally exhausting.' He took his boots and coat off and lay down on the bed.

'Do you want me to stay?' She was having a hard time judging his mood. He seemed distracted.

He already had his eyes closed. 'No, I think I would like to be alone with my thoughts, if you don't mind.' He already sounded half asleep.

She leaned over and kissed his forehead. 'I know this isn't easy. I'm very proud of you, Thorin.' He answered her with a gentle snore.

…

When she got back to the Gathering Room, as she thought of it, the dwarves were already following orders. Weapons were scattered liberally about the room waiting to be cleaned, sharpened or stored. Dwalin had set up a sharpening stone and was already checking the edges of a double axe.

Elmyra went out to the nook where she had stashed her mail shirt, sword and dagger before the fateful hike to the watchtower. She pulled out the dagger and looked at it. The Panic Button had given her an idea and the dagger played an important role. Removing it from its sheath, she ran her finger along the edge. It seemed sharp enough, but she took it to Dwalin for his opinion.

'Is this sharp enough, Dwalin?' She held the dagger out to him.

'What are you intending to use it for?' he asked as he ran a finger along it as she had.

'While I don't expect the goblins to defeat the allies, I want to be prepared. They will not take me should we fail.' She gritted her teeth at the thought. 'Make sure it is sharp enough.'

Dwalin read the meaning behind her words. The vomiting coward of the first day was nowhere to be seen in the woman standing before him. 'I will give it the sharpest edge possible.' He sat down at the stone and began to hone its edges. When he finished, he took the sheath from her hands and put the dagger inside. 'Be careful with that, Elmyra. It is very dangerous.'

'Thank you, Dwalin. It will serve nicely.'

**Up next boys and girls…. The Battle at last! Thanks for reading.**


	21. Five Armies & Elmyra

The big day arrived. This was it. Thorin, Fili and Kili live or they don't. She had tried her best. Now that all the players had been warned of the attack by the goblins and made peace over the gold, she hoped it would be enough to change the hated ending.

The dwarves were arrayed in the finest armor that Erebor could provide. They gleamed even though the day was somewhat overcast. The Men and Elves had positioned themselves to defend the mountain and kill goblins. Elmyra hoped the eagles and even Beorn were still going to appear. Without them they might be doomed anyway.

Thorin had told Elmyra in no uncertain terms to stay away from the battle. 'You have no function there and would only be in the way.'

Elmyra had dutifully promised to refrain from interference. 'What would I do? I'm not very good with a sword and I have no desire for battle.' Of course she lied.

Her plan was to be a "battle burglar". Just as in Thranduil's palace, she was going to rely on no one noticing her. It was risky. It hadn't worked with the goblins before, but this time they would be concentrating on outright killing and be hopped up on bloodlust, not taking prisoners. She would wait until the dwarves had started out onto the field and then follow behind. Her only goal was to keep an eye on Thorin. If he fell, she would do her best to protect him. She would use the PANIC BUTTON. She had spent the last few days formulating a plan. It was such an unknown quantity that she hated to rely on it. If he fought without injury, she would only watch. If she died, it really didn't matter. Without him, there would be nothing left in the story for her.

That morning, she used up the rest of the "Orc Repellent Spray" on her chain mail. It hadn't done much good before, but it might work now. She was ready. The mail shirt would go over the EverCleanClothes with the Device and the dagger on a belt at her waist. The PANIC BUTTON went into an easily accessible pocket. She took everything down to the Front Gate and stashed it behind a rock. She would put it on once the dwarves left.

Gandalf caught her in the act. 'What are you up to now, Elmyra? I heard you promise Thorin you wouldn't be on the battlefield.'

She ignored his question. It was none of his business. 'What are _you_ going to do today? Sit by and watch all the players go merrily to their deaths? Now that Smaug is gone do you even care? Do you ever give any thought to the expendables that get caught up in your plans?' her voice was bitter.

Gandalf stared sadly at her. 'Is your opinion of me so low?'

'Not really, since in the long run you are proved right. But right now, a big part of my world is getting ready to go out and die in a battle that has no real meaning. It would be nice to know that you will bring Glamdring along to share in the glory,' she said. 'My first concern right now is Thorin and Company.'

'I do care, Elmyra, and I intend to do my part when the time comes,' Gandalf promised.

'Good. That is another change in the story. Every bit helps.' Maybe enough of them have piled up to make a difference she thought.

….

The cloud of goblins descended from the north and the battle began. Thorin led the Company out onto the field with a contingent of Dain's dwarves, Orcrist gleaming in his hand. Elmyra watched for the moment when they took their first steps. Then she ran to her gear and put everything on. The Device simply showed "Mayhem". She was only about fifty feet behind the dwarves when she started to follow. She kept pace with the group, focusing her eyes on the back of Thorin's golden helm. When he stopped, she stopped.

As far as she could tell, it was working. The goblins engaged the dwarves almost as soon as they reached the base of the mountain, but none of them came after Elmyra. Little skirmishes broke out around her but the participants concentrated only on each other. Occasionally she had to step out of the way to dodge a poorly timed blow but none were of any real consequence or aimed at her directly.

The day passed in battle and blood. Dwarves, men, elves and goblins fell under axe, sword and arrow. She was appalled at the slaughter but did her best to ignore it. The screams of the injured and dying dulled her ears after awhile. Blood spattered and clung to her mail. She had to watch her footing more closely as the bodies piled up and the blood made it harder to walk. But through it all, the Company stayed more or less intact slicing its way through their foes. Thorin and Orcrist piled up goblins everywhere they went. Elmyra wondered where Bilbo was. If he got clobbered wearing the Ring, it would be impossible to find him. The fighting was so fierce and he was so much smaller than even the shortest dwarf, it would be easy for him to get hurt. She would have to trust that a book called ''The Hobbit" wouldn't kill off the main character.

Finally the day waned and the Company reached the dreaded confrontation with Bolg mentioned in the book. Elmyra walked as close as she dared. She didn't want Thorin to see her and become distracted. She could tell the story had continued to change because by this point in the book the Company was in serious trouble fighting a surrounding enemy. Today they were still part of a cohesive defense standing strong against the goblin army. Suddenly, Thorin took a mighty blow to his head that forced him to his knees. Fili and Kili moved in to protect him as he toppled to the ground.

Seeming to sense the importance of this one dwarf or perhaps drawn by the beauty of the armor of his companions, the goblins renewed their assault and made some frightening gains. It _must_ be Bolg and his bodyguard. They were much bigger than the rest of the goblins and they made fearsome progress against Dain's dwarves and the Company. She closed to within five feet of Thorin's body. She couldn't tell if he was still alive. He was motionless, his face pale. Elmyra made her decision. It was now or never.

Reaching into a pocket, she pulled out the PANIC BUTTON and activated it. Everything stopped. No motion, no sound. The world was strangely silent after the chaos of the day. The armies were locked into frozen combat. She drew her dagger from its sheath. Elmyra took a few seconds to adjust to the eerie picture but then moved quickly.

She reached Bolg. He stood with a club poised over Fili's head. To gather her courage, Elmyra swallowed and thought of Thorin and the lives she would save. Thanks to Elrond and all her previous adventures she knew the courage was there.

Her plan was simple. In addition to lock picking courses, Elmyra had taken self defense. One of the mantras had always been that even the largest predator was vulnerable around his eyes.

Trying not to think about it, she plunged the dagger into Bolg's eye and into his brain. The eye burst under the assault and fluid splashed her. She had plunged the knife in so hard that the tip stuck into the skull. Yanking it out with a labored grunt, she proceeded to slice into his fingers as best she could. Moving from one goblin to the next, she performed the same act again and again. One stab into an unprotected eye and then a jab at the weapon hand if there was any visible skin. As she moved along the line of orcs, her rage and anger surfaced and added strength to her hand. Rage that Thorin might already be dead and rage that at any moment she might be recalled to her old home.

The PANIC BUTTON instructions had said to expect approximately five minutes. Elmyra used them all down to the last second and beyond.

Dwalin had a front row seat to what happened. While he was unable to move, he was aware of anything in his line of sight. He watched as Elmyra pulled out her very sharp stiletto dagger and moved to the goblins threatening Thorin, Fili and Kili. At first he could not imagine what she hoped to accomplish. The goblins were heavily armored and the dagger would never penetrate. He realized the beauty of her plan as she proceeded. Any goblin left alive would be half blind and would most certainly drop its weapon if it ever unfroze. He saw her move down the line of Bolg's guard stabbing, thrusting and screaming at each one. She had almost gotten to the last one when she moved out of his line of sight.

Dwalin suddenly felt his body return to his control and watched as every goblin within at least ten feet of him fell to the ground dead or writhing in agony. He used his sword and axe to take advantage of Elmyra's handiwork. The nearby allies quickly recovered from the freeze and joined him in killing any enemy still standing.

Elmyra was caught with her dagger half plunged into a large goblin's eye. He didn't die right away. When he unfroze, he had enough control to grab her and throw her hard to the ground. She struck her head and the world spun. 'I wonder if it was enough to save Thorin?' she thought right before she passed out.

…

'The Eagles are coming, the Eagles are coming!' Bilbo's voice cried. He had watched Elmyra's assault from his place near Thorin. He saw the large birds come in swooping over the battle. When he looked back in Elmyra's direction he saw the goblin fling her. 'Elmyra!' he yelled and ran in her direction.

The sounds of battle quickly began to recede. Now that Bolg and his bodyguards were dead, the rest of the goblin army's nerve broke and all the goblins were racing for the edges of the battle with the allies in pursuit. The eagles and Beorn (who had arrived just in time to see Elmyra spike Bolg) were busily cleaning up the trash.

Bilbo reached Elmyra. He shook her by the shoulders but there was no response. He stood and started yelling for help. He realized that no one could see him because he had the Ring on. Pulling it off, he ran over to Balin and Kili. 'Elmyra got hit by a goblin! She's on the ground.'

Balin turned at the panicked voice of the hobbit. 'What? Where is she?' He and Kili followed Bilbo to Elmyra. Balin knelt by her side. 'She's still alive. It just looks like a very bad bump. We should get her back to the Gate.'

As he spoke, Beorn strode up. Balin glanced up as the tall skin changer appeared. 'Can you take her back to the mountain? I want to see to Thorin.'

'Of course I will. I have never seen such a thing,' Beorn said. 'Do you know what happened to the rest of us? I could not move a single muscle.'

Bilbo piped up. 'I think it was more of Elmyra's magic "technology". She was the only one it didn't affect. Even Gandalf got frozen.' From his place, Bilbo had seen it all. Eagles frozen in midflight, bear, wizard, dwarves, all as still as statues. He followed Balin back to Thorin.

Like Elmyra, he had a bad head bump but was already sitting up. 'What happened? Is it over?' he asked.

'It's over. We won,' Balin assured him. 'It was a close thing. Good thing your burglar was here to help.'

Thorin focused his eyes on Bilbo. 'Thank you, Bilbo! What did you do this time to save my hide?'

'It wasn't me! Elmyra saved you.' Bilbo told him.

'Elmyra? She wasn't here. I told her not to come!'

'It is a good thing she ignored you once again,' said Balin. 'Somehow she stopped motion itself and killed enough goblins singlehandedly to turn the tide.' Balin had been turned slightly away so he had not seen the whole event.

Bilbo was happy to fill in all the gruesome details. 'She stabbed them all in the eye. It was the most horrible thing I have ever seen in my life! Right in the eye! I could hear them pop.' He shuddered in delight to have been a witness to such boldness and daring. "The Green Dragon" crowd would never believe it!

Thorin stared at him. 'She did what?' It sounded so violent.

Bilbo managed to contain some of his excitement. 'Everybody but Elmyra was frozen. We couldn't move. She went from goblin to goblin and stabbed each one in the eye with that dagger Dwalin gave her. The ones that didn't die right away were finished off when everyone could move again.'

It took Thorin a moment to digest this story. He couldn't picture his beloved Little Cat, the woman who didn't want adventure doing what two reliable sources assured him she had done. 'I can't say I'm sorry I missed that. It sounds rather frightening.' For all the battles he had been in, all the deaths he had caused, he had never done anything quite so ghastly.

…..

Thorin and Elmyra were taken to separate rooms where Oin could examine them more closely. When asked if they should be moved into the same room he said, 'Not if we ever want them to get better. Those two would never leave each other alone long enough to heal! Apart, they will be back on their feet in no time.'

Elmyra head ached, but this time she was able to take some of the newly found pills if she wanted. She was trying to wait since the supply was limited. Pain was very plentiful in Middle Earth. Oin had done his best to clean her up without getting too personal but she really wanted a bath. She had never realized how dirty battles were.

All the dwarves but Thorin had gradually trickled in to say hello and congratulate her on the victory. Thorin was excused for once. Oin had refused him permission to move until tomorrow. 'You will both be free of your rooms then. It won't hurt to wait a day.' They had been trading messages via Ori and Bilbo ever since.

…

While Thorin and Elmyra recuperated the rest helped tend to the wounded. The elves had several noted healers among their personnel who were of great assistance. Even Thorin had to admit that their services were welcome. Once they were all bandaged and stitched back together, everyone finally relaxed.

Though supplies were limited, they pooled resources for a celebratory dinner in the army camp the next day. Dain and the Lake Men contributed a surprising amount of ale. Elmyra sat and watched it all unfold. For once the dwarves and elves seemed to be at least coexisting. She even noticed a few friendly conversations among some of the more progressive crowd. Gandalf frequently served as facilitator. Maybe there was hope for the two races after all!

'Well, Little Cat, are you ready to be Queen of Erebor?' Thorin said as he sat down next to her.

Elmyra laughed. 'Only if you can accept a queen who knows nothing about being one. Seriously Thorin, I would be completely at a loss. What does a queen do? Run a mountain? A palace? My life is completely automated, run by my apartment. I think I would be more content as a burglar. Do you need anything stolen?'

Thorin picked up her hand and kissed her palm. 'I know you have no training, but then you weren't a trained burglar either. That seems to have turned out alright. I think with a little help you will make a fine queen. And I would rather have you be the worst queen ever than be king without you at my side. Little Cat, Elmyra Pundur, will you marry me?'

She looked at her dwarf. When had this world become more real to her than her own? She couldn't imagine living a day without him. 'If you are willing to take that risk, then yes, I will marry you, Thorin Oakenshield. Only don't ever say I didn't warn you!' Elmyra leaned over and kissed him gently and then more passionately.

When they broke apart, Thorin reached in his pocket. 'I finally found what I was looking for. I want you to have this.' He reached into a little bag (velvet of course) and pulled out a beautifully made jeweled cat. Its paws and tail spiraled around each other. 'You wear it woven into a braid. Turn around.' By now everyone had noticed the happy couple. Thorin undid Elmyra's braid and put the little animal in her hair. It sparkled and glittered.

Balin could only shake his head. Queen Elmyra. Well, hopefully she was a fast learner or Erebor was in for some interesting times.

From a table nearby, Fili raised a mug of ale in toast to the happy couple. He was heir to the throne and had a maid on each arm to prove it!

Beorn wandered over to the happy pair. 'Perhaps I am the first to congratulate you? That looked like a bargain sealing kiss to me!'

'Yes, Beorn, it was. Little Cat has agreed to marry me!' Thorin crowed.

Beorn smiled a little sadly at Elmyra. 'Well, I am pleased to hear that all has worked out even as you wished. The bees will miss you.'

Elmyra grabbed his hand. 'And I will miss the bees. I wish you the best Beorn. I hope you will find the happiness you deserve.'

'Thank you. Always know that you and yours are welcome in my forest. Hopefully the journey will be safer now that the goblins are much reduced even as you predicted.'

Thorin watched the two but without any jealousy. Elmyra had committed herself to him. She would always be his Little Cat from now on.

….

Long before the dwarves were tired, Elmyra excused herself and retired to their bedchamber. She found a mirror so that she could admire the little cat that perched on the crown of her head. She undressed and climbed into bed. Where did the dwarves find the stamina? She was exhausted. Thorin probably wouldn't be back for hours. He was busy making plans with Dain and Bard about the future of Erebor and Dale. She looked at the chair where she had tossed the EverCleanClothes. 'I'll have to start dressing the way the locals do.' The faithful 'Survival Kit: Upgraded Version' rested nearby with the "Lightweight Elven Blade" propped nearby. Faithful friends, but hopefully she would never have a use for them ever again. The dagger had been taken away to be enshrined as a symbol of the great victory. She blew out the candles and settled in for a well deserved night's sleep.

**And they all lived happily ever after, right? Of course not! I am having too much fun running their lives. Stay tuned for more!**


	22. There and Back Again

Chicago

Lila contacted Algernon. 'We are going to make the attempt late this evening or the next.'

'How does it work again?' Algernon asked. They had told him it was risky and he was nervous.

'The battle is over. We can tell that the story has changed considerably. At the very end, the buffers broke down and everyone's eHobbits had Thorin Oakenshield surviving. _That_ caused a nasty uproar let me tell you. The purists were outraged but we have gained a whole new fan base that likes the happier ending!'

'We've waited a few extra days to make sure we are clear of the battle and that she is likely to be asleep. No need to cause any more pain. We intend to grab anything with a solid base signal that is within ten feet of her. Since it is a digital world that should mean we only get Elmyra and perhaps some of the things she had with her originally.'

'You said she'll end up back in her apartment? I can alert it to be ready for her arrival, 'Algernon offered.

'Yes, go ahead and do that. She started her journey from there and it would be best for her to return there. That means fewer coordinates for us to worry about and when she wakes she will be in familiar surroundings. We can't be positive it works until she contacts you so leave her a message about doing that.' This was the first time TFA had ever tried anything like this. Lila was worried that it was going to be another disaster. 'Don't worry, she will be home soon and back to her old life in no time!' She really hoped it wasn't a lie this time.

'I'll let you know when I hear anything. Thank you for caring, Lila.' Algernon knew she was the buffer between hardnosed business profit and Elmyra's safety.

'I always wanted to see this come out for the best in the end, Algernon. We should know in two days or less if it worked.'

…..

…..

Thorin finally joined Elmyra well after midnight. Once again she was sound asleep. He snuggled next to her, noticing the diamond cat glowing in her hair. Tomorrow he would go again to the Treasury and look for the beads he wanted to find. It was the final step in his commitment to her.

When he woke later that morning, she was already gone. He smiled. She was probably in the bath again. One of Dain's soldiers had mentioned a plumbing background and Thorin got him to repair the pipes in their suite. Now that Elmyra had easy access to hot water on demand she had been living in the tub.

He climbed out of bed and went to join her, but the bathroom was sadly empty. She must be having breakfast. He treated himself to a bath of his own, dressed and went to the dining hall. No Elmyra. None of the dwarves present had seen her that morning. Thorin made the rounds of the rooms that they were currently using, but no one could remember seeing her since last night.

Thorin returned to their rooms. He looked around and noted that some of her things were out of place. The sword and the dress from Beorn were on the chair. Under the dress was the necklace he had given her. There was no sign of her clothing and more disturbing, her backpack was gone. His heart began to race. As he turned from the chair, his eye was caught by a glint of gold lying in the bed. He looked more closely. It was the diamond cat, the one from her hair. He stripped back the sheets and two more glints flashed. The beads he had braided into her hair; the ones that bound their lives together. He picked up the three things and held them to his chest. Had she left him? Removed the beads and unbraided her hair? Taken her pack and walked away? His heart began to race uncomfortably.

Returning to the outer halls, he sent any dwarf he came across in a different direction to look for her. Fearing the worst, he set out for the Treasury. Perhaps she had made the journey to get some more of the little animals she had admired. Maybe she fell and hurt herself on the stairs she hated so much. He raced down the halls and passages.

Reaching the Treasury, Balin and Gloin looked at him in surprise. He was out of breath and a bit wild-eyed. 'Is she here? Have you seen her?'

'Elmyra? Why would she be here? I haven't seen her since last night,' said Balin. 'Gloin, have you?'

Gloin shook his head. 'She left rather early. I've not seen her. What's the matter Thorin? You seem upset.'

'I have looked everywhere for her. No one has seen her at all today. What if she fell and is trapped somewhere?' He turned to go. 'I have to find her. Please tell her I am looking for her if you see her.' Without another word, he ran out of the room.

'I have a bad feeling about this,' said Balin. In his pocket was one of Elmyra's many letters. He hoped he wasn't going to have to be the one to give it to his friend.

…

In the end, it was Gandalf who did the deed. They searched Erebor from top to bottom for two days. No trace of Elmyra showed up. She had vanished. Thorin was distraught, convinced that she was lying somewhere in pain. 'I can't fail her again. I've already done that too often,' he said repeatedly.

Balin and Gandalf conferred. When Balin mentioned the letter to Gandalf, they realized what Elmyra had done. 'I think it is time to deliver my copy,' said Gandalf. Silently Balin nodded agreement. It would break Thorin's heart, they both knew, but until the letter was delivered, he would be able to hold onto a sliver of hope.

…..

Thorin was standing outside the Front Gate gazing into the distance, hoping to catch sight of a figure returning from an unknown errand. Gandalf came and stood beside him. 'She feared this would happen, Thorin. She gave me a letter the night I visited from the camp.' He reached into his sleeve and pulled out the missive.

Thorin turned and stared at it. 'You've had that all this time and did not give it to me?' He snatched it and looked at the writing on the front. He had never seen her writing before. His heart contracted at the sight. "_For Thorin, To Be Opened Only Upon My Disappearance_" was written across the front.

'I waited because I hoped that she would return or that you were right and she was somewhere in Erebor. That does not seem to be the case,' the wizard said sadly. 'I am sorry.'

Slowly Thorin broke the seal on the letter.

_Dearest Thorin,_

_If you are reading this, then I must assume that I am gone from Erebor. I have told the letter holders to only deliver them in the event of my disappearance. Please understand that I went unwillingly. After all we have been through together, I had no intention of ever leaving by choice. _

_I know I tried to explain where I came from, but I doubt it made any sense. I have been returned to a life I no longer miss or have any desire to live. My place is with you. You showed me that I could function and even thrive in a world I feared all those months ago. Believe me when I say I will spend the rest of my days trying to return to you. This is my home now and you are my life. _

_If I cannot, I want you to know how much I love you. I always will. You did nothing to cause this. It is fate and technology that has betrayed us. _

_Hopefully you will never read this. If by chance I am sitting across the room right now, show it to me and we will have a good laugh. _

_I love you, Thorin Oakenshield. Take care until I return. Wait for me._

_Your Little Cat, _

_Elmyra_

At the bottom of the letter was a little drawing of two hearts entwined.

'She's gone forever, Gandalf. Why do these things happen to me? I have spent my life watching my friends and family die. But I thought I had finally gotten it right. I worked with the Men and the Elves. We defeated the goblins. Elmyra loves me and I love her. Have I offended Mahal in some terrible way? Is this to be my punishment? To always have the things I love destroyed?' he asked in an anguished voice.

'I cannot answer that. I have known you to be honorable and brave. I do know that she loves you, never doubt that,' said Gandalf. The words were of little comfort.

Thorin shook his head and walked away, the letter in his hand. He was too proud to cry in front of the wizard.

….

…..

Elmyra woke to find her worst fears realized. She was alone in bed in her old apartment. 'Good morning, Elmyra. It has been a long time,' the room chirped. 'Would you like your usual cocoa and cereal? ' Oh god, she thought. Not that old routine. She had eaten the same thing for breakfast for years, until lately that is….

'No. Leave me alone.' She stared at the ceiling. It was all gone. Thorin, Erebor, the dwarves, her new life. She hoped Gandalf and the others would relay her message, not that it would make much difference. Then again perhaps they were all so much digital garbage by now and gone forever. She began to cry.

Finally, she managed to work up the energy to get out of bed. She noticed her backpack nearby on the floor. A quick inventory showed nothing from Erebor. What she left with originally was what she returned with. The apartment constantly talked to her until she told it to shut up. It kept prompting her to call Algernon. How had she put up with that before? It was worse than the dwarves! Of course, that thought made her cry again. After another bawling session, she resolved to get down to work.

She called Algernon's palm implant the old fashioned way since her own palm service was out. When his face appeared on the screen she could see he was stunned. 'You're back! I thought they weren't going to try for another day! What a pleasant surprise! How are you, tell me everything.' She listened to his questions but couldn't find her voice.

Algernon saw she was having trouble speaking. 'Why don't I come over and you can tell me the whole story, then we can decide what to do.'

Elmyra managed to get an, 'Okay' out before the tears started again. With a worried look, Algernon broke the connection.

The door announced his arrival an hour later. Elmyra called him in, and he sat next to her on the couch. 'I brought you your favorites.' He handed her a thermal bag with three warm chocolate chip cookies inside. (It might be the distant future, but some things never change….)

For the next few hours she told him her story and cried a river of tears. Algie listened stunned by all that she had gone through. Finally she reached the end. 'What has TFA said, Algie? Did they close the storyline to get me out? Are they all gone? They were my friends…'

Algernon waited before he spoke. She seemed to think of them as real people. 'They told me they were going to preserve the story until they could figure out exactly what went wrong. It's still a mystery. They have started running adventures again, but in a very limited and controlled fashion. They did manage to control the corruption from your line, so that's no longer a worry. All the hobbit books have been restored to the original ending.'

He noticed her look of confusion. 'Oh, right you wouldn't know that. About a week ago, most of the eHobbits had Thorin, Fili and Kili surviving. It caused quite an uproar. Not as big a one as when "The Lord of the Rings" vanished, but still pretty big! TFA worked for _days_ to get your storyline contained again.'

'People were mad that Thorin survived? I wouldn't have been. I always hated that part.' She would_ really_ hate it now.

'Well, it was mostly the classic devotees. They can't stand change. There were a pretty good number who were pleased that he lived. I imagine quite a few hard copies were made before it could revert. Who knows what will happen now? You opened up a whole new world, Elmyra! People who never read Tolkien saw it in the news lines and got a copy to see what the fuss was about. Even with the errors, TFA stock has soared lately and they have you to thank for it.'

'Great, glad to be of service.' She paused. 'Algie, I want to go back. I want _that_ life, not this one.'

He stared at her. 'But why would you want that life? Your job is safe. I called CFAA in August and explained the whole thing. They said that you could have your job back if TFA ever recovered you. Of course, you will have to recertify but….'

'I don't want my job back! That is a job, I want a LIFE. I want my Tolkien life back! I was kidnapped, poisoned, imprisoned and faced a dragon, but I LIVED! Can't they send me back Algie? You said the story was still running. They owe me. I could sue them for all the bits they have and then some. I'll waive all of that if they will send me back!' Her mind raced at the idea.

Algernon looked pensive. 'Well, I know they are afraid of your lawsuit. I told them it was inevitable. They might be open to something like that if it's possible. Are you sure you want to do something so drastic?'

'Yes, I am. When can we start?'

…..

Algernon contacted Lila and told her what Elmyra wanted. 'Is it even possible?'

Lila stared at him, shocked. This was the last thing she had expected. 'I-I don't know. Her storyline would have to run for years. If she lives an average life span, it would be decades. I'm not sure the higher ups will go for something like that. It has its own servers and techs! It has been horribly expensive.'

Algernon glared at her. 'You tell them to make it work and to make it work NOW! My aunt has been tormented by TFA's mistakes and thought that she had a new life. Now they want to jerk her around again? I think not. Elmyra told me to tell them and I quote: 'They will send me back or I will OWN them down to the last share of stock!'

Lila smiled at him. 'My pleasure, Algernon. Would you like to have dinner sometime?' It was about time someone took TFA down a notch or two.

…..

It took longer than Elmyra wanted, but Algernon counseled patience. 'We want to make sure this is an ironclad, unbreakable, independently verified agreement, Auntie. You won't believe what weasels some of those TFA execs are. If not for Lila, that Blix guy would have tried to kill you the first day.'

Elmyra knew he was right, but it still made her skin itch knowing that every day that passed here passed in Erebor also. Whatever would Thorin think even with her letter?

'We have a face to face with the higher ups today. It should go a long way to resolving the last of the issues. I think another week will finalize everything.' Algernon was truly beginning to believe this would actually happen.

…..

He met with Lila before the meeting. Although it was completely against the rules, she had been feeding him inside information. Today she was angrier than he had ever seen her. 'They think they can win, Algie. I caught one of the execs threatening a tech to change some of the data.' She held up an info stick. 'Too bad I got this first. Right after we pulled Elmyra, I downloaded the entire event. I knew those bastards would try something like this. When they try to lie in the depositions today, don't be afraid to use it. I'm done with TFA after all this is settled. Even in a corrupt world, they take it too far.'

Algernon took the stick. 'I flagged the points I think they will try to use. It has all been sealed and certified as uncorrupted. It should cook their goose if they don't settle.' She grabbed Algernon by his coat front and kissed him. 'Go get them. Do it for me, do it for Elmyra, do it for Erebor!' she exclaimed.

He grinned at her send off. 'Thank you, Lila. You'll be there to watch, right?'

'You bet. I may have to testify. Just remember I'm on your side.' She blew him a kiss and winked as she walked away.

…..

Lila met with the execs before the meeting. Dix, the head honcho of the day, pulled her aside. 'What is your opinion of this,' he consulted his palm, 'this Elmyra person? Do you think we can buy her off, get her to give up this return nonsense? It is going to cost us too much money!'

Lila stared at him. 'I thought this was all but complete? We were going to send her back and maintain the story for a minimum of one hundred years!'

'A delaying tactic, my child. We needed time to plan. There is no way we want to waste valuable travel resources on one person. One line like that can host ten or more clients per week. Back to my question, do you think she will cave? Someone told me he thought she was, and I quote: 'a chicken lady'.

'Elmyra Pundur a chicken lady? You obviously have been talking to the wrong people.' She stopped herself before she said too much. 'We will have to wait until the meeting, but I would not hold my breath!

….

Elmyra, Algernon and another lawyer, Nina sat opposite Dix and a phalanx of corporate lawyers and execs. Lila and the techs were seated to one side in case they were called. Dix looked over the opposition and smiled inwardly. 'Like shooting fish in a barrel,' he thought. 'She doesn't look like she can hurt a fly.'

A corporate type stood and cleared his throat. 'There has been a change of plans. New information has been uncovered and we will not be returning you to the storyline.' Elmyra turned pale and felt sick to her stomach. Lila had been right. They were backing out!

Nina said, 'What new information? This was supposed to be a final meeting. The details are all right here!' She waved a data pad.

The corporate waved his own data pad. 'Your client has assured us that she never signed any advanced waivers or took advanced training. That she was unaware of the rules and regulations regarding,' he cleared his throat, 'romantic encounters with the natives, or in the use of the PANIC BUTTON. I have here signed waivers, records of training, and acknowledgement of rules. Your client is a liar and will be lucky if we don't prosecute for theft of services! She owes us thousands of bits in fees for the services she continued to use after her return date! Never once did she try to return home or request assistance.' He sat down with a smug grin on his face.

Elmyra lost it. 'Take that all back you smarmy, good for nothing, money grubbing, Tolkien abusing, corporate monkey!' Algernon tried to restrain her but she shook him off. 'I spent weeks in hell trying to get home. I used the RESCUE button once and the ABORT button countless times. YOU ABANDONED ME!' She stood and leaned over the table until her angry face was inches from his. 'TFA has nothing about waivers and rule breaking! I was completely unprepared to face what I did and you are lucky I am alive or unlucky as it will turn out.'

The corporate's face was beet red by now and he had backed away from the table. That didn't stop Elmyra. She crawled on the table and all but sat in his lap. 'If you don't send me back like we agreed, I will start telling the true story. How the safety settings failed, how I had to strip in front of goblins, how I fought giant spiders, how I was imprisoned and forced into a thousand other risky activities. What do you think will happen to your precious stock after I tell my tale? All those 'chicken ladies' (Lila had managed to whisper this fun fact in her ear) will run for the hills before they trust you! If I had my dagger right now, I would spit you like a pig and roast you over a fire!'

She was busily poking him in his chest to emphasize her words when Algernon made it to her side. 'Auntie, you're scaring this poor lawyer. They aren't used to it. Please, sit down.' With one last piercing glare at the lawyer, she listened to her nephew and moved back to her seat.

Algernon spoke next. 'Exactly what proof do you have? We should have had it long ago.'

At last one of the other corporate lawyers dared to speak. The others were still gibbering over their colleague's treatment. 'Uh, we-we have a data stick that shows everything.' He slid it quickly over to Nina without moving his hand past the edge of the table. Who knew what that crazy bitch might do!

Nina caught it and slid it into a reader. 'I see it's not certified. There are no seals or verifications. No court in the land will accept this. What kind of simpletons do you think we are?'

'Uh, we can offer her a nice settlement. One million bits, tax free.'

'And I can offer into evidence this certified, sealed data stick that verifies what my client has said all along. AND prove that TFA tried to defraud and defame her.' Nina held up Lila's contribution.

Dix bellowed, 'Where did you get that? That should have been destroy…' One of the corporate lawyers slapped a hand over Dix's mouth but the damage had been done.

'So you admit to further evidence tampering! That makes this even easier. Either we walk out of here today with a signed, sealed, verified and witnessed agreement or we go to the press. Some of the 'nets already seem to know that_ something_ interesting happened. I am sure they will pay handsomely for Elmyra's story.' Nina sat down and calmly clasped her hands over the data stick. Game, set and match.

The corporate lawyers excused themselves and hustled out of the room with Dix. Algernon leaned over to Elmyra. 'I won't promise anything, but I would say your odds just went way up!

The lawyers returned minus Dix. 'We propose the following:

Ms Pundur to be sent back to the storyline.

TFA is to be indemnified from any and all damages.

We will not charge Ms. Pundur any extra fees.

They smiled oily smiles. They were almost being too generous.

Algernon and Nina stared in disbelief. 'That is ridiculous. Here is what _we_ demand,' Nina said.

Ms Pundur to be returned to the storyline.

A guaranteed run of one hundred years of the storyline, funded and verified by an outside source with NO connections to TFA.

Should Ms. Pundur be recalled from the story for any reason whatsoever, she will automatically be given 51% of the total of TFA stock.

Ms. Pundur will not pursue any further legal actions but retains the right to do so in perpetuity.

Now it was the corporates turn to look outraged. However, instead of immediately vetoing the proposal, they left the room again to huddle. 'That is a very good sign,' said Nina. 'I expected them to burst out laughing.'

The huddle returned in less than ten minutes. Dix was back. 'We will agree to all stipulations except for number three.' He held up his hand to stop Algernon's protest. 'We will only agree to a 34% share of the stock._ And_ we want the PANIC BUTTON back.'

Algernon, Nina and Elmyra stared in disbelief. They had only thrown the stock idea in to see if they could make the lawyers foam at the mouth. They hadn't expected one share to be promised, let alone 34%! TFA would never dare to call Elmyra back with that kind of power at stake! 'Give us a few moments,' said Nina.

The trio exited the room. Out in the hall, Nina began a wild, spontaneous but silent victory dance. 'I can't believe they agreed to everything! They must be in more trouble than we imagined. I think the false data charge must have scared them to death. Are you sure this is what you want Elmyra? Once you go, there is no way TFA will ever consent to bring you back. You are too big of a thorn in their side for that. Are you particularly attached to the PANIC BUTTON, Elmyra? I have no idea why they want it, but it seems a small price to pay to get you back.'

Elmyra's face glowed with happiness. 'Nothing would make me happier than to be trapped in Middle Earth. As for the PANIC BUTTON, if they want it, they can have it. It has accomplished what I needed it to. It might be risky to have it around in any case. It is a very tempting power to have. And one other thing, I want Lila to be in charge of the Transition and maintaining the storyline. I wouldn't trust anyone else not to drop me into Mount Doom.'

They reentered the room. Nina agreed to the deal with the assurance that Lila was in charge and that the deal would be finalized within the week. Dix and the lawyers sullenly initialed a temporary agreement and left the room.

'Congratulations, Auntie Elmyra! You're headed back to Erebor!'

** I thought about breaking this into two parts and tormenting you for another week, but it all went together so well that I took pity on my nice readers. I hope you enjoyed it!**


	23. A New Life

'Why does it always have to be me,' thought Balin. 'Because you are the only one he won't try to kill,' he answered himself. It had to be done. He took a deep breath and knocked firmly on the door. No answer. He knew he was in there so he knocked again. 'Thorin! Open the door.' No answer. He knocked again and said, 'I'm coming in. We need to talk.'

Before he could turn the latch, the door was yanked open. Thorin stood there glowering. 'What is it now, Balin? I do not wish to be disturbed.' He turned his back, walked to a chair by the fire and threw himself into it.

Balin surveyed the messy room. 'You are ignoring your responsibilities, laddie. There is talk of some of the new people returning to the Iron Hills and the Ered Luin. Even the Company is in bad shape. There is no guiding hand for Erebor. Everything you fought for is starting to slip away. I have scheduled a petition day for tomorrow. You are still the King and it is time to act like one.'

Thorin looked at him with bleary eyes. 'Have Fili do it. As a matter of fact, why don't you make him king? I have been thinking of returning to the Ered Luin myself.'

Balin was shocked to his core. He knew Thorin had been hurt by Elmyra's disappearance, but this was impossible. 'You can't mean that! For one thing, _you_ are King, Fili is not and he is nowhere near ready to rule. In all probability, there would be war among the clans to see who would take over Erebor. Thorin, I know you loved her, but she has been gone for months now. Pull yourself together! If not for yourself than for me and the Company! We deserve better!'

'I see her everywhere, Balin. I keep waiting for her to pop out of a shadow and say, 'Did you miss me?'

'Hiding in here won't quiet her voice. Do you think Elmyra would accept this behavior, Thorin? I think she would be very disappointed. She fought as hard as any of us for you to sit on the throne. You are letting your dream slip away.'

Deep down inside he heard the truth in Balin's words. She would be disappointed. What if she _did _come back and found his throne occupied by Dain? 'I don't know where to start anymore, Balin,' he said plaintively.

'To begin with this place smells, Thorin. You need a bath and a change of clothes.' He opened a wardrobe and pulled out a tooled leather tunic. 'Put this on after a bath. The one you are wearing needs to be burned.'

'NO! She loves this coat. You may have it cleaned but if it burns….. And I want to wear something velvet. She always liked that best.'

Balin looked through the clothing and pulled out a grey velvet coat. 'Here try this one. And I thought you were going to grow your beard when you regained Erebor?' Without realizing it, he opened another can of worms.

'That was when I was going to celebrate. There is no reason now. The lack of a long beard symbolized my grief over _our_ loss to the dragon. Now it will symbolize _my_ loss. Besides, Elmyra always said she was happy I wasn't a furry beast like the rest of you.' The memory brought a tiny smile to his face.

Balin took any smile as a sign of progress. 'Very well, but it is another thing for the people to complain about. They like to see their leaders with long, full, bushy beards.'

'Then they are going to have a lot to complain about. They are lucky I didn't shave it off completely.' He had actually stood in front of his mirror with a sharp knife in his hand one day. In the end, he realized he didn't love her quite _that_ much. A clean shaven dwarf? Unthinkable!

Balin didn't take the bait. 'Take your bath and join us at midday. I know everyone will feel better seeing you up and around. We have work to do!'

Balin's words had a bracing effect on Thorin. After his friend left and he finished his bath, he sat by the fire looking over her letters. Ten in all, they had trickled to Thorin in the days after Gandalf delivered the first one. Ori, Bilbo and Balin each had one. The rest had been found in various locations around Erebor. He never could figure out how she got one down in the little animal zoo in the Treasury. He doubted she would have made the trip by herself. He suspected Gloin but had not asked. Some things were better left a mystery. It didn't matter. He treasured them as his last contact with her.

They all said the same thing, but at the bottom of each was a different little drawing. The two hearts, giant spiders impaled on swords, barred cells, barrels on rivers, a flaming dragon, jewels and coins, one stick figure riding another piggy back, goblins with knives in their eyes, braided hair, and then cats on the rest. Each one brought back a memory of their time together. He reread the letter one last time and then put them away in a drawer. It was time to move on with his life.

…

Once he emerged from his isolation, Thorin threw himself into being King with a vengeance. He held petition days and listened to complaints and pleas; he made sure renovations were under way and that all the new people were settling into the mountain. He gritted his teeth and agreed when Balin suggested he move into the Royal Chambers. Not only were they too elaborate for his taste, he hated to leave the rooms he had shared with Elmyra. He gave orders for the door to be locked. No one would ever enter them in his lifetime except himself.

A month later, Balin approached him with yet another delicate topic. 'Thorin, as you may have noticed, there is a healthy supply of ladies arriving at Erebor each day.' Each and every one believed she would be the next Queen of Erebor.

'Yes, I have noticed. What is your point? I would think that would please the male populace no end.' Thorin had an idea what the point was and he didn't like it.

'Well, the mountain really could use a female touch. You know, someone to run the household side of things. Bombur is quite capable in the kitchens but the rest of the domestic scene is getting a bit chaotic. There are too many people here now to leave it unorganized.' Balin once again took a much needed deep breath. 'There is talk that this would all be resolved if you would marry.' Even though he braced himself, he still wasn't quite ready.

'_ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY NO!_ There will be no queen as long as I live! How can you even suggest such a thing, knowing what I have lost? If the domestic side is so important, find one of the many dwarf-women arriving to run it. I do not care. Understand that she will_ never_ be queen. She will be housekeeper, and that is all!' Thorin thundered. He was appalled his dearest friend could even make this suggestion.

Balin almost cowered before his anger. 'I tried to explain that, but it didn't matter. They insisted I ask. I will be happy to make your position known and appoint a housekeeper. That will settle the matter.'

'And I do not want it ever mentioned again, Bali by you or anyone else!'

'I will make certain everyone is aware of your wishes,' Balin escaped while he still had his head.

…..

…..

Chicago

In only a few days, she would be in Erebor! Elmyra couldn't contain her glee, but first she had some errands to run. As she walked the streets, she remembered how clean the air was at Erebor. Here, the day was smoggy and the breathing difficult. It was yet another reason to leave.

She went to the same travel shop as before. 'I need a new set of EverCleanClothes,' she told the monitor. 'Do you have any for colder environments?' The automated clerk assured her that they had several and splashed examples across the screen. Elmyra selected one for a fitting and when it was ready she tried it on.

The mirror recited all the newest features as she admired the fit. 'Thermostatically controlled, motion powered, good down to -10 C. It has a full range of color choices.' The voice ran on soothingly. It wasn't really necessary. She had been sold at 'thermostatically controlled'. She selected a new tunic, another pair of boots and added gloves to the pile. 'Make it three of everything and send them to my apartment.' She pressed the pay button and left the shop.

Her next stop was the TFA shop. Lila had told her that Borys was still employed despite all the chaos. Elmyra had always been surprised that they used actual humans as employees, but Lila had explained that so many people needed their nerves calmed that the personal touch was the most effective way to operate.

When she entered, Borys was not out front. An agent approached her. 'How can I make your dreams come true?'

'My dreams have already come true. I'm looking for Borys. Is he here?' asked Elmyra.

'One moment, he is in the back.' The clerk turned and left her to watch the wall displays. It was almost like watching home movies.

…

When the clerk told him someone was requesting him by name, Borys groaned. That was almost never good news. Usually it was some problem he had no control over, or it was something from months ago. Why couldn't they come in as soon as they came back? It was so much easier!

He walked out to the front and saw a tall, lean woman watching the walls. Something about her seemed familiar but he couldn't place her. 'I am Borys, how may I help you?'

Elmyra turned and beamed at the salesman. 'I wanted to stop in and thank you before I left. You probably don't remember, but almost a year ago you sent me on the "Hobbit Holiday". What started out as a nice vacation has become a brand new life. It wasn't always pretty on the journey, but I think it will turn out alright in the end. And,' she pulled up a leather backpack from the floor, 'to thank you for selling me this.' It was the Tolkien Fantasy Adventures 'Survival Kit: Upgraded Version'. (PANIC BUTTON included).

As soon as he saw the pack, Borys placed her. This lean, muscular, fit woman was the 'chicken lady' who had been the source of so much grief! And that stupid pack, the one that was meant for a guide. 'I remember you now! It wasn't my fault!' He had said it so many times over the last months it had become automatic.

'No, it wasn't. That's why I'm here. To let you know that I am grateful for what happened, not angry. You gave me the adventure of a lifetime that I'm not done with yet. Without that holiday and without this kit, I would still be doing the same old same old. So, thank you, Borys. It means a lot.'

'You're welcome. Glad to be of service.' It wasn't quite the dwarvish phrase and there was no bow, but Elmyra smiled to hear the words. Soon she would hear them all the time. They chatted a few minutes more and then a new herd of Tolkien fans entered the shop and Elmyra left to begin the last leg of her old life.

…..

…..

Elmyra woke with a rock poking into her back. It was one of the hazards of a blind Transition. Lila had recommended that they place her out on the plain in front of Erebor, between Dale and the Front Gate. It was easier to work out the coordinates and accommodate her luggage. Since this was forever, Elmyra brought not only her backpack but a few extra bags. She had what she hoped was a lifetime supply of toiletries and painkillers!

She lay there for a few minutes hardly believing it was real. She was back. In a matter of hours at most she and Thorin would be together. The sky overhead was a startling crisp blue and the air was invigorating. After sitting up, she located her bags. The backpack would travel with her. The others she tucked under some nearby rocks and used her Device to take a reading on their location. She would come back for them later.

….

The guard noticed a lone figure in the distance, trudging across the plain in front of the mountain. Most travelers came by the road that skirted the mountain and they came in groups so this one caught his attention. Eventually the person neared the guard's station. He had a long cape and his hood was up against the cold March wind. 'Hail, traveler,' the guard stated, 'Grorg at your service.' He made the traditional dwarf greeting and bow.

'Hail, Grorg. How fares Erebor this day?'

Grorg was bored and in the mood to complain. 'Things could be better. Industry grows but the air is gloomy.'

'Gloomy? Why is that? I would think the mountain would hum with joy without a dragon and after the victory of last fall!' The visitor was well versed in the local history Grorg noticed.

'Ah that would be the case but for the sadness of the king. He refuses to enjoy any of the many desirable dwarf-women who present themselves almost daily. Instead he sits and grumbles at all who near and he will not enjoy any festivities. I sometimes wish I had returned with Dain to the Iron Hills.'

'He will not choose a queen? Are none of them bearded enough for him?' the stranger asked.

'King Thorin apparently prefers his lady smooth. I heard that he had some human woman hanging about last fall but she ran away after the battle. He has been in a temper ever since. I was not here when it occurred. Smooth doesn't appeal to me,' he said with a leer. 'I like my ladies woolly and wild! The one good thing is that the more he rejects, the more arrive to try. There are plenty for the rest of us to have a go at!'

The stranger appeared to lose interest. 'I have a message for the king. Is there any way I can deliver it in person?'

'You are in luck. Today is a petition day. You may join the line and hope that he has time to hear you speak. Anyone may try, but his patience is short. You are early enough that you may have a chance. The next one isn't for another week.' Grorg gave him directions after he entered the Front Gate. 'Someone inside will show you where to go.'

'Thank you, you have been very helpful.' The stranger went on to the gate.

…..

Elmyra left the guard's station and entered Erebor. How things had changed! The Company had done its best to spruce things up while she had been there, but now everything shone. The tattered banners had been replaced with different ones and more furniture had appeared. She approached a dwarf seated at a table in the center of the Hall. 'I wish to see the king,' she stated.

The dwarf looked up. Unlike Grorg, he realized she was female. 'Great another one in pursuit of the king,' he thought. This one was taller than usual. He frowned when he realized she was human. That was a new twist. How could she even dream of having a chance? Contrary to what Grorg had said, this dwarf's reply was less encouraging, 'You are late. Petitions and audiences started several hours ago. I cannot guarantee you will be seen today. Follow the gold on the floor to the Throne Room and join the line.' He pointed to a line of gold embedded in the floor that wended its way out of the Hall.

'Thank you.' Elmyra turned and followed the line. She vaguely remembered where the Throne Room was, but this made it easy. In only a few minutes, she entered a vaulted room. Her heart had been pounding ever since she started following the gold in the floor. In only a few minutes, she would see Thorin! She had decided to wait her turn with all the rest. It would give her a chance to judge the atmosphere of the mountain and it thrilled her to know she could watch Thorin without him knowing she was there.

….

The day had started out surprisingly well. He made one of his innumerable trips to the Treasury only this time when he asked Gloin, 'Did you find them?' Gloin immediately reached into his pocket and pulled out a box.

'I think so. Are these what you wanted?' He opened the box. Nestled inside was a pair of elaborately carved beads set with precious stones.

Thorin stared at them. After so long a hunt, he was afraid to touch them in case he dropped them. 'Yes, Gloin, those are what I wanted.' He took the case and put it in his pocket. 'Thank you for finding them.' He said goodbye and left the Treasury.

Gloin watched him leave wondering why Thorin Oakenshield had spent such a long time hoping to find a set of the Queen's Beads. Maybe he wasn't going to stay alone forever.

Finding the beads was bittersweet, Thorin thought. He had told Balin the truth when he said he would never have a queen. He wanted them so that he could hold on to the idea of Elmyra as his wife. It wasn't _that_ long since she disappeared. She had said to wait and wait he would.

Even after the petitions started, the day went well. A representative from Bard was among the first announced. He stepped forward with a covered basket. 'Bard regrets his thoughtlessness. Months ago you mentioned your desire for a cat of Esgaroth. He begs you to forgive the delay and accept this gift.' He held out the basket and Thorin motioned for him to approach. Thorin lifted the cover and six small kittens stared back. 'They are old enough to leave their mother, but they should not be left alone for a few weeks. They are only now getting socialized to people,' the representative said.'

Thorin lifted out a little puff ball of black and white fur. 'We don't need any more antisocial cats! I didn't realize it at first, but we have quite a few descendants of the cats that survived Smaug. Mean and wild is an understatement. It will be good to have friendly cats again. This one reminds me of one my sister Dis had when she was a little girl.' He hefted the kitten in his hand. 'Ori, take the rest of these to Bombur in the kitchen. He will know what to do. This little one can hear petitions with me today.' He resumed his seat and put the kitten on his lap. It stretched and returned to its nap.

'Please present Bard with my thanks. The cats are most welcome.' The representative bowed and exited the room. Thorin absentmindedly stroked the kitten with one finger as the next petitioner stated his case.

…..

The line wasn't too long, but it did wrap around one corner of the room. Thorin was slouched in the throne, looking like he wanted to be anywhere but there. Each petitioner approached, stated his case, answered any questions and heard King Thorin's decision. Most went quickly, being standard issue petitions. Some apparently were frivolous and the king vented his anger on their heads. Red faced and embarrassed, they scurried from the room. The dwarf ahead of Elmyra in line said, 'I hope he doesn't think my petition foolish! I have come too far to be humiliated.'

Elmyra nodded at him with a smile but did not speak. Her eyes were glued on the love of her life. It was hard to believe that at last she was here. It took a few moments, but eventually she realized that Thorin had a kitten in his lap! How appropriate that he should get two little cats in one day.

For the next hour she paid as much attention to the crowd as to Thorin. Beside the line of petitioners, the room was crowded with what she thought were probably courtiers. They were all dwarves and while some seemed to have minor functions most seemed to be there to see and be seen. As she listened to them chatter together, she blessed Lila's thoughtfulness. On her last day in Chicago, Lila had come to her apartment with a Khuzdul translator implant. 'It isn't perfect. We only give them to guides and the dictionary is far from complete. You will only be able to understand others speak. It won't let them understand you.'

'That's almost never a problem. Dwarves usually speak Westron or the Common Tongue in public. They are very protective and secretive about their language. This is a fabulous gift! It will come in very handy I'm certain' Elmyra said.

Lila had injected the little capsule under the skin of Elmyra's arm. 'It should work automatically but if it doesn't just tap it twice to get it started. Tap it again to shut it off.'

Now when she listened closely, Elmyra was able to understand most of what the dwarves around her were saying in Khuzdul. It was mostly gossip and sniping about their neighbors. Typical of what those at the edges of power say about the ones in power! She got the feeling that they liked Thorin but that his gloominess was depressing them just as Grorg had said. That would change soon she thought with a little smile.

…

Just before the noon hour, she reached the head of the line. Thorin granted the last dwarf his request and did not humiliate him. As he finished, the little kitten climbed up his arm and perched on his shoulder. Thorin had noticed that it was getting more impatient. It was as good an excuse as any. 'That's it I've had enough for one day. Come back next week.'

He started to leave but the rest of the petitioners cried out. 'No, we've come so far'. And 'I have to leave today.'

Thorin ignored them. The kitten had got itself tangled in his hair and was pulling it. He reached up to remove it without success.

Elmyra, who was next in line, leaned over to the dwarf who had been announcing the petitioners. 'Why don't you ask him to do just a few more, Lord Balin? I think he might like to hear at least one of them.'

Balin turned at the sound of a familiar voice saying his name. 'I can't get him to do anything these days, Elmyra. He won't listen to me.' He stopped, stunned when he realized what he had said. 'Elmyra!? Is it really you?'

Elmyra pulled back her hood slightly and smiled at his surprise. 'Keep your voice down. Yes it's me, now demand that he stay and then announce me. No name, just "unknown petitioner". Please?'

Balin nodded and quickly turned. Thorin was still standing in front of the throne, stalled by some last minute question from Ori who was handling the records.

'King Thorin, may I prevail upon you to hear at least one more petition? The petitioner has come quite far to stand before you.' Balin was all formality these days.

Thorin turned and glared at him. 'No, I said I was done. When I say no, I mean no.' He had no patience these days, even for Balin. Back in the Blue Mountains he had always enjoyed petition days. Now like everything else, they frequently annoyed him.

'I fear I must insist, Your Majesty. You would not forgive yourself if I didn't and it was another week before you heard this.'

The courtiers in the room pricked up their ears. Either Balin, or the petitioner or both were likely to get the sharp edge of the king's tongue. It was bound to be entertaining.

The king sighed. Had it been anyone but Balin, he would have bitten his head off. Even now he was tempted. He still would he decided, if he didn't think the petitioner was worthy. 'Very well, come forward. This had better be good.' He had his head down now, working to pull his hair away from the kitten.

Balin turned and motioned Elmyra still cloaked, forward. She whispered something in his ear. He nodded. 'Unknown petitioner from far,' he hesitated over the unfamiliar name, 'Chi-cag-o.'

Thorin barely registered the words. The damn kitten was so tangled that he didn't think he would ever get it out! He had both hands on it now, trying to calm and loose it at the same time. He noted the figure standing nearby and growled, 'Well, I waited what is so urgent?'

Elmyra laughed to herself. Here was the dignified Thorin Oakenshield with a kitten in his hair! She pulled her hood back, and asked 'I only wanted to ask, 'did you miss me?' She reached out and stroked his velvet coat sleeve.

Thorin's head jerked up and away from the kitten as the voice and its question rang in his ears. She stood only a foot away with her hand on his arm.

He stared. After all this time, after trying to forget and not being able to, after waiting with little hope, here she was. His Little Cat, his Elmyra stood in front of him petting his coat as she had done so often and as he had dreamed she would. He stood and let the kitten dangle, kicking in the air. Without saying a word, he gathered her into his arms and buried his face in her neck. 'More than anything, Little Cat, even more than I thought possible.'

He pulled back and the kitten swung between them. Elmyra, laughing,reached out and untangled the poor thing at last. Once loosed, it wriggled free, ran up Thorin's arm and perched on his shoulder staring at Elmyra. 'He's adorable Thorin! He looks like a little owl with those big round eyes!' she cooed.

Thorin looked at her in amazement. 'That is what Dis called her cat. It looked exactly like this one.' He turned to the kitten and pronounced, 'You heard the lady, little one. Your name is Owl.' The kitten yawned mightily and swatted at another lock of Thorin's hair. The king picked it up and the kitten started to struggle again. 'Ori, take this critter to Bombur.' Ori scurried over and took the kitten.

'Welcome back, Elmyra!' he said and then raced away with the kitten to spread the news.

The room was atwitter. All they knew was that their dark and gloomy King who refused to ever look at any of the ladies vying to be his queen was now entwined with a mysterious petitioner. The duo ignored the buzz. Thorin took Elmyra's hands and kissed them. 'You are really back? For how long?'

'Yes I am back, and I am back for good if you will have me.' For a brief moment the thought passed through her mind that if Thorin refused her, what would she do? She was in Middle Earth whether he accepted her or not.

'I would like nothing better.' He kissed her softly and then pulled out a comb from his pocket. 'Your hair is not braided properly.' He turned and seated her on his throne. 'May I?' he asked.

Her heart burst with pleasure at his words. 'Please do. I tried to keep the braid, but I had no idea how it was done. I finally had to give up.' She remembered the sad day she had undone the last of the braid. 'I'm sorry.'

'Let's make a new rule. No more apologies for things beyond our control.' He undid the tie she had around her ponytail and let the hair fall to her shoulders. He could tell she had not cut it. Running the comb through the strands, he quickly smoothed it out. When it was divided into the necessary lengths, he began to braid. Where he joined the two braids, he replaced the little cat that he had given her their last night together. Below that he added the two beads she had left behind. He had kept them in his pocket with the dream of replacing them someday. At the very end, he wove in the beads that Gloin had given him only that morning.

The courtiers watched all this in openmouthed amazement. First the king changed his mind about hearing another petition, then a mysterious human woman touched him and he kissed her! Now he was braiding her hair in front of Mahal and everyone. This kind of thing was _not_ done. Those closest stared as he added the final beads. The most knowledgeable recognized them as the Queen's Beads! He was making her their queen!

Thorin kissed the top of Elmyra's head and helped her stand. They turned to face the room and Thorin intoned, 'I present Elmyra Pundur, the Queen of Erebor!'

Balin had watched it all unfold. Shaking his head, he was the first to congratulate the happy pair. 'Well, laddie, now you have gone and done it!' Balin tried to grumble but watching the transformation on Thorin's face over the last few minutes had done his heart good. If this crazy female could do that for his friend, then he was going to accept her. It was going to cause a lot of trouble, but Thorin would be happy.

Elmyra looked at him. 'What did you say?'

'I said Queen of Erebor. I added the Queen's Beads to your braid. You are now the queen unless and until you remove the beads and return them to me. Please say you will keep them?' he raised her hand to his lips and kissed it. 'I don't want to be king without you.'

'That's all it takes? A braid and a few beads? No coronation, no trumpets?'

'You can have all that if you want, but it is unnecessary. I am king and I just proclaimed you my queen. The only formality we might want to observe is a wedding ceremony, but even without it, you are my queen until you decide otherwise.' He paused. 'I asked you once before but will you marry me?'

Elmyra laughed. '_Now_ you ask? Usually the proposal comes before one is made queen, but…of course I will. It would be a little odd if I didn't.

'I didn't want to give you a chance to get away again so easily. Please stay with me, forever?'

Elmyra smiled again. 'That was my intention. You're stuck with me.'

**Ah, home at last. Now what?**


End file.
